Barry's Land

Krark's Other Thumb

If you would roll a die, instead roll two of those dice and ignore one of those results.

Rat in the Hat

{T}, Sacrifice Rat in the Hat: Until end of turn, you may cast target creature card that has a hat from your graveyard.

Destroy target creature with reminder text. (Reminder text is any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)

Park Map

{1}, Sacrifice Park Map: Search your library for a land card that doesn't have the same art as a permanent you control, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

Lazier Goblin

Motivate {3}{R} (This creature can't attack or block unless you have paid its motivate cost once. Motivate only as a sorcery.)
When Lazier Goblin enters, it deals 2 damage to any target.

TL;DR

Exile target creature if it has any abilities other than keywords. (Flying, protection, and partner are all keywords. See rule 702 for details. Landfall and scry aren't keywords; they're an ability word and a keyword action respectively. Yes, there's a difference.)

Cleaver Blow

Multicleave {1} (You may pay an additional {1} any number of times as you cast this spell. For each time you do, choose a paired set of square brackets and remove the words in between.)
 Destroy target [nonblack] creature [with mana value 3 or less] [an opponent controls]. You [and its controller each] draw a card [and lose 2 life]. Create a [tapped] 1/1 white Spirit creature token with flying.

Mana Screw

{1}: Flip a coin. If you win the flip, add {C}{C}. Activate only as an instant.

Standard Procedure

{1}, Reveal Standard Procedure from your hand: Choose an instant or sorcery card with mana value 3 or less currently legal in the Standard format. Standard Procedure becomes that card until end of turn.

Transcantation

Target instant or sorcery spell becomes a copy of Lightning Bolt. Its controller may choose new targets for it.

Impatient Iguana

If Impatient Iguana is in your opening hand and you're not the starting player, you may reveal it. If you do, you become the starting player.
Haste

Mox Poison

{T}: Add one mana of any color. You get two poison counters.

One with Death

Urza's Fun House

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add {∞}. Activate only once and only if you control an Urza's Mine, an Urza's Power-Plant, and an Urza's Tower.
{7}, {T}: Head to AskUrza.com and click Urza's Fun House.

Ricochet

Whenever a player casts a spell that targets a single player, each player rolls a six-sided die. Change the target of that spell to the player with the lowest result. Reroll to break ties, if necessary.

Some Disassembly Required

{B}, Sacrifice a creature: Distribute the sacrificed creature's keyword abilities among any number of other target creatures until end of turn. If it's December, you gain 1 life for each of those keywords.

Toofer, Keeper of the Full Grip

Whenever a spell you control causes you to gain card advantage, each opponent loses 2 life. (You gain card advantage each time a spell you control resolves and you end up having more cards relative to your opponents than before that spell resolved. Divination, Annihilate, and Wrath of God can all be card advantage. And remember: tokens aren't cards!)

Waste Land

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}, Sacrifice Waste Land: Destroy target nonbasic land. That land's controller creates a Wastes token. (It's a land with {T}: Add {C}.)

The Many Deeds of Belzenlok

I — Exile up to one target Saga card from a graveyard. Copy its chapter I ability.
II — Exile up to one target Saga card from a graveyard. Copy its chapter II ability.
III — Exile up to one target Saga card from a graveyard. Copy its chapter III ability.

Rift

Before drawing your hand, you may start the game with Rift in your opening hand. If you do, draw one fewer card. (Mulligans continue as normal.)
Rift enters tapped.
{T}: Add {C}.

Immersturm Battlefield

Hosted creatures get +2/+0 and have haste.
Host {1}{R} ({1}{R}: Host target creature at this Realm. A Realm can host any number of creatures. Host only as a sorcery.)

Magus of the Chains

If a player would draw a card except the first one they draw in each of their draw steps, that player discards a card instead. If the player discards a card this way, they draw a card. If the player doesn't discard a card this way, they mill a card.

R&D's Secret Lair

Play cards as written. Ignore all errata.
{T}: Add {C}. (This mana is still added to your mana pool.)

City of Ass

City of Ass enters tapped.
{T}: Add one and one-half mana of any one color.

Abstract Iguanart

Whenever you cast a spell, note the first letter of its artist's name. If that letter wasn't already noted, put a +1/+1 counter on Abstract Iguanart.

The Heron Moon

{T}: Add {C}.
{1}, {T}: Exile the bottom card of target opponent's library.
Whenever one or more cards an opponent owns are put into exile, put a release counter on The Heron Moon. Then if it has thirteen or more release counters on it, sacrifice it and create a copy of Emrakul, the Promised End. Cast it without paying its mana cost.

The Big Top

{T}: Add one mana of any color that appears on your top. (A top is an outerwear garment worn on the upper body.)

Booster Tutor

Open a sealed Magic booster pack, reveal the cards, and put one of them into your hand. (Remove that card from your deck before beginning a new game.)

Microscope

{T}: Surveil 1.
{T}: Target permanent card in a graveyard becomes a 0/0 black Germ creature in addition to its other colors and types until end of turn. (This effect ends if it leaves the graveyard.)

Madlands

Madlands enters the battlefield tapped.
{T}: Add {B} or {R}.
Madness {0} (If you discard this card, discard it into exile. When you do, play it for its madness cost or put it into your graveyard. You can play a land only during your turn and only if you have an available land play remaining.)

Pyromancy 101

Pyromancy 101 deals 1 damage to any target.
Teach {1}{R} (Then exile this spell taught to a creature you control. For as long as this card remains exiled, that creature has "{T}: Copy the exiled card. You may cast the copy for its teach cost.")

Mons's Goblin Waiters

Don't Try This at Home

If a hot source you control would deal damage to a permanent or player, it deals that much damage plus 1 instead. (Something is hot if it has hot things in its art, like fire or explosions.)
{1}{R}, Sacrifice Don't Try This at Home: It deals damage equal to twice the number of hot cards in your graveyard to target creature or planeswalker.

Scooch

Add or subtract 1 from target creature's power, target player's life total, or target die roll's result.
Draw a card.

Pithing Spyglass

As Pithing Spyglass enters, name a keyword ability or ability word.
All cards in all zones lose that keyword ability or ability word and all text tied to that ability.

Discord, Lord of Disharmony

Flying
At the beginning of your end step, choose a random nonland Magic card name. Until your next end step, you may cast a copy of a spell with that name, and mana of any type can be spent to cast it. If you cast a spell this way, copy this ability if Discord is on the battlefield.

Goblin Bookie

{R}, {T}: Reflip any coin or reroll any die. (Activate only any time it makes sense.)