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Commander
When The Grand Calcutron enters, each player's hand becomes a program (an ordered row of revealed cards). Players can play only the first card of their program. If a card would be put into a player's hand from anywhere, that player reveals it and places it anywhere within their program instead. At the beginning of each player's end step, if that player's program has fewer than five cards, they draw cards equal to the difference. The Grand Calcutron can be your commander.

Commander
Protection
Flying As long as this creature is untapped, creatures can't attack you or planeswalkers you control unless their controller pays {1} for each of those creatures. As long as this creature is attacking, creatures can't block unless their controller pays {1} for each of those creatures.

Protection
Tokens
Tokens
Boardwipe
Boardwipe
Ramp
Whenever an opponent pays a tax from a spell or permanent you control, create a number of Treasure tokens equal to the amount of mana they paid. (This happens each time a spell you control or an ability of a permanent you control causes an opponent to pay extra mana. Cards that can tax opponents include Mana Tithe, Esper Sentinel, and Ghostly Prison.)

Ramp
Draw
Library ninjutsu {1}{U} ({1}{U}, Shuffle an unblocked attacker you control into its owner's library: Put this card onto the battlefield from your library tapped and attacking. Activate only while searching your library.) Whenever Panglacial Shinobi deals combat damage to a player, draw a card.

Defender Sokrates has hexproof as long as it's untapped. Sokratic Dialogue — {T}: Until end of turn, target creature gains "If this creature would deal combat damage to a player, prevent that damage. This creature's controller and that player each draw half that many cards, rounded down."

When this artifact enters, if it was cast, target opponent creates a token that's a copy of it. Whenever an opponent who controls an artifact named Wedding Ring draws a card during their turn, you draw a card. Whenever an opponent who controls an artifact named Wedding Ring gains life during their turn, you gain that much life.

Draw
Removal
Destroy target creature. Its controller manifests dread. (That player looks at the top two cards of their library, then puts one onto the battlefield face down as a 2/2 creature and the other into their graveyard. If it's a creature card, it can be turned face up any time for its mana cost.)

Removal
Finisher
Vigilance As long as you are way behind, Knight of Lost Causes gets +3/+3 and has indestructible. (You are way behind if, at any point during this turn, an opponent had 10 or more life than you, controlled at least three more creatures than you, or had at least three more cards in hand than you.)

Finisher
Stax
Stax
Land
(Jasconian Isle isn't a spell, it's affected by summoning sickness, it's blue, and it has "{T}: Add {U}.") Jasconian Isle enters tapped. Jasconian Isle doesn't untap during your untap step. At the beginning of your upkeep, you may pay {U}{U}. If you do, untap Jasconian Isle.

Land
Theft
Gift a card (You may promise an opponent a gift as you cast this spell. If you do, when it enters, they draw a card.) Enchant creature When this Aura enters, tap enchanted creature. If the gift wasn't promised, put three stun counters on it. You control enchanted creature.

Theft
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