Letter Bomb

When this artifact enters, sign it and shuffle it into target player's library. That player reveals each card they draw until they draw this card. When that player draws this card, it deals 19½ damage to them.

Mana Screw

{1}: Flip a coin. If you win the flip, add {C}{C}. Activate only as an instant.

City of Ass

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add one and one-half mana of any one color.

Fascist Art Director

{W}{W}: This creature gains protection from the artist of your choice until end of turn.

Humming-

Flying
Whenever you attack with two or more creatures,
Augment {3}{W} ({3}{W}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Wordmail

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +1/+1 for each word in its name.

I'm Rubber, You're Glue

When you speak in non-rhyming sentences, sacrifice this enchantment.
Say "I'm rubber, you're glue. Everything bounces off me and sticks to you": Change the target of target spell or ability that targets only you.

Collector Protector

{W}, Give an opponent a nonland card you own from outside the game: Prevent the next 1 damage that would be dealt to you or this creature this turn.

Cheap Ass

AWOL

Exile target attacking creature. Then remove it from the game. Then put it into the absolutely-removed-from-the-freaking-game-forever zone.

Rod of Spanking

{2}, {T}: This artifact deals 1 damage to target player. Then untap this artifact unless that player says "Thank you, sir. May I have another?"

Save Life

Choose one —
• Target player gains 2½ life.
• Prevent the next 2½ damage that would be dealt to target creature this turn.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "save" or "life," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Save Life from your graveyard to your hand.

Sex Appeal

Prevent the next 3 damage that would be dealt this turn to any number of targets, divided as you choose. If there are more people in the room of a different gender than you are as you cast this spell, prevent the next 6 damage this way instead.

Miss Demeanor

Flying, first strike
At the beginning of each other player's upkeep, you may compliment that player on their game play. If you don't, sacrifice this creature.

Double Dip

Choose another player. You gain 5 life. At the beginning of the first upkeep in your next game with that player, you gain 5 life.

World-Bottling Kit

{5}, Sacrifice this artifact: Choose a Magic set. Exile all permanents with that set's expansion symbol except for basic lands.

Little Girl

Mirror Mirror

This artifact enters tapped.
{7}, {T}, Sacrifice this artifact: Choose target player. At the beginning of the next end step, exchange life totals with that player, exchange control of all permanents you and that player control, and exchange cards in your hands, cards in your libraries, and cards in your graveyards.

Toy Boat

Cumulative upkeep—Say "Toy Boat" quickly. (At the beginning of your upkeep, put an age counter on this creature, then sacrifice it unless you say "Toy Boat" once for each age counter on it—without pausing between or fumbling it.)

Old Guard

{W}, {T}: Tap target creature without reminder text. (Reminder text is still any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)

My First Tome

{1}, {T}: Say the flavor text on a card in your hand. Target opponent guesses that card's name. You may reveal that card. If you do and they guessed wrong, you draw a card.

Look at Me, I'm the DCI

Ban a card other than a basic land card for the rest of the match. (All cards with that name in any zone or sideboard are removed from the match.)

Once More with Feeling

Exile all permanents and all cards from all graveyards. Each player shuffles their hand into their library, then draws seven cards. Each player's life total becomes 10. Exile Once More with Feeling.
DCI ruling — A deck can have only one card named Once More with Feeling.

Drawn Together

As this enchantment enters, choose an artist.
Creatures with art by the chosen artist get +2/+2.

Head to Head

You and target opponent play Seven Questions with the top card of that player's library. If you win, prevent all damage that would be dealt this turn by a source of your choice. (To play Seven Questions, that player looks at the card, then you ask up to six yes-or-no questions about the card that they answer truthfully. You guess the card's name—that's question seven—then the player reveals the card.)

Ladies' Knight

Flying
Spells cast by players wearing at least one item of women's clothing cost {1} less to cast. (You can define women's clothing as you see fit. Be reasonable.)

Underdome

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add one mana of any color. Spend this mana only to pay Un-costs.

Rules Lawyer

State-based actions don't apply to you or other permanents you control. (You don't lose the game due to having 0 or less life or drawing from an empty library. Your creatures aren't destroyed due to damage or deathtouch and aren't put into a graveyard due to having 0 or less toughness. Your planeswalkers aren't put into a graveyard if they have 0 loyalty. You don't put a legendary permanent into a graveyard if you control two with the same name. Counters aren't removed from your permanents due to game rules. Permanents you control attached or combined illegally remain on the battlefield. For complete rules and regulations, see rule 704.)

Scissors Lizard

Creatures named Paper Tiger can't attack or block.

Blacker Lotus

{T}: Tear this artifact into pieces. Add four mana of any one color. Remove the pieces from the game.

Mox Lotus

{T}: Add {∞}.
{100}: Add one mana of any color.

Sword of Dungeons & Dragons

Equipped creature gets +2/+2 and has protection from Rogues and from Clerics.
Whenever equipped creature deals combat damage to a player, create a 4/4 gold Dragon creature token with flying and roll a d20 (a twenty-sided die). If you roll a 20, repeat this process.
Equip {2}

Buzzing Whack-a-Doodle

As this artifact enters, you and an opponent each secretly choose Whack or Doodle. Then those choices are revealed. If the choices match, this artifact has that ability. Otherwise, it has Buzz.
• Whack — {T}: Target player loses 2 life.
• Doodle — {T}: You gain 3 life.
• Buzz — {2}, {T}: Draw a card.

First Come, First Served

Each attacking or blocking creature with the lowest collector number among attacking or blocking creatures has first strike.

Spatula of the Ages

{4}, {T}, Sacrifice this artifact: You may put a silver-bordered or acorn permanent card from your hand onto the battlefield.

Emcee

Whenever another creature enters, you may stand up and say in a deep, booming voice, "Presenting . . . " and that creature's name. If you do, put a +1/+1 counter on that creature.

Paper Tiger

Creatures named Rock Lobster can't attack or block.

Pointy Finger of Doom

{3}, {T}: Spin this artifact in the middle of the table so that it rotates completely at least once, then destroy the closest permanent the finger points to.

Frankie Peanuts

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may ask target player a yes-or-no question. If you do, that player answers the question truthfully and abides by that answer if able until end of turn.

Erase (Not the Urza's Legacy One)

If you control two or more white permanents that share an artist, you may cast this spell without paying its mana cost.
Exile target enchantment.

Cardpecker

Flying
Gotcha — If an opponent touches the table with their hand, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return this card from your graveyard to your hand.

Staying Power

"Until end of turn" and "this turn" effects don't end.

Flavor Judge

{T}: Choose target spell or ability that targets a permanent you control. Then ask a person outside the game if the story of what will happen makes sense. If they say no, sacrifice this creature and counter that spell or ability.

Side Quest

Target player in an Un-game you can see from your seat gains control of target creature you control until your next turn. At the beginning of your next upkeep, put two +1/+1 counters on that creature. (A creature is on the battlefield of only the game its controller is playing.)

Form of the Approach of the Second Sun

When this enchantment enters, you gain 7 life. You become a card until you leave your library or that library is shuffled. Put yourself seventh from the top, balancing the cards on top of you on your head.
When you draw yourself, you win the game.
When one or more cards fall off your head, exile them and all cards on your head, then sacrifice this enchantment.

Lexivore

Whenever this creature deals damage to a player, destroy target permanent other than this creature with the most lines of text in its text box. (If two or more cards are tied, target any one of them.)

Water Gun Balloon Game

As this artifact enters, each player puts a pop! counter on "0."
Whenever a player casts a spell, move that player's pop! counter up one.
Whenever a player's pop! counter hits "5," that player creates a 5/5 pink Giant Teddy Bear creature token and resets all pop! counters to "0."

Adorable Kitten

When this creature enters, roll a six-sided die. You gain life equal to the result.

The Cheese Stands Alone

When you control no permanents other than The Cheese Stands Alone and have no cards in hand, you win the game.

Charm School

As this enchantment enters, choose a color and balance this enchantment on your head.
Prevent all damage that would be dealt to you by sources of the chosen color.
When this enchantment falls off your head, sacrifice this enchantment.

Amateur Auteur

Sacrifice this creature: Destroy target enchantment.

Bar Entry

Choose one —
• Destroy target creature with power 4 or greater.
• Destroy target creature with any part of its head higher than the bar. (Align the tops of both cards to check.)

Plains

Entirely Normal Armchair

During your turn, if this card is in your hand, you may hide it on the battlefield.
{0}: Return this artifact to its owner's hand. Only your opponents may activate this ability and only if they see this artifact.
{2}, Sacrifice this artifact: Destroy target attacking creature.

Chivalrous Chevalier

Flying
When this creature enters, return a creature you control to its owner's hand unless you compliment an opponent.

Oddly Uneven

Choose one —
• Destroy each creature with an odd number of words in its name. (Hyphenated words are one word.)
• Destroy each creature with an even number of words in its name.

Gleemax

You choose all targets for all spells and abilities.

GO TO JAIL

When this enchantment enters, exile target creature an opponent controls until this enchantment leaves the battlefield.
At the beginning of the upkeep of the exiled card's owner, that player rolls two six-sided dice. If they roll doubles, sacrifice this enchantment.

Everythingamajig

{T}: Add one mana of any color.
{1}, {T}: Say the flavor text on a card in your hand. Target opponent guesses that card's name. You may reveal that card. If you do and your opponent guessed wrong, draw a card.
{8}, {T}: This artifact deals 12 damage to target creature.

Bosom Buddy

Whenever you cast a spell, you may gain ½ life for each word in that spell's name.

R&D's Secret Lair

Play cards as written. Ignore all errata.
{T}: Add {C}. (This mana is still added to your mana pool.)

Prismatic Wardrobe

Destroy target nonartifact, nonland permanent that doesn't share a color with clothing worn by its controller.

Man of Measure

As long as you're shorter than an opponent, Man of Measure gets +0/+1 and has first strike.
As long as you're taller than an opponent, Man of Measure gets +1/+0.

Circle of Protection: Art

As this enchantment enters, choose an artist.
{1}{W}: The next time a source of your choice with art by the chosen artist would deal damage to you this turn, prevent that damage.
{1}{W}: Return this enchantment to its owner's hand.

Rock Lobster

Creatures named Scissors Lizard can't attack or block.

Giant Fan

{2}, {T}: Move a counter from one permanent onto another. If the second permanent refers to any kind of counter, the moved counter becomes one of those counters. Otherwise, it becomes a +1/+1 counter.