21
2/4/2025
I like big butts and I can not cast
Deck Size: 100
Commander / EDH
Legal
Est deck cost: $2342.01
Salt sum: 40.11
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21
2/4/2025
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Commander

Quantity: 1Price: $5.99
Plagon, Lord of the Beach

When Plagon enters, draw a card for each creature you control with toughness greater than its power. {W/U}: Target creature you control assigns combat damage equal to its toughness rather than its power this turn.

Creature
Plagon, Lord of the Beach (j25) 37

Commander

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Thick Thighs End Lives

Quantity: 22Price: $61.32
Aegis Turtle

Creature
Aegis Turtle (fdn) 150
Baldin, Century Herdmaster

As long as it's your turn, each creature assigns combat damage equal to its toughness rather than its power. Whenever Baldin, Century Herdmaster attacks, up to one hundred target creatures each get +0/+X until end of turn, where X is the number of cards in your hand.

Creature
Baldin, Century Herdmaster (sld) 428
Brago, King Eternal

Flying Whenever Brago deals combat damage to a player, exile any number of target nonland permanents you control, then return those cards to the battlefield under their owner's control.

Creature
Brago, King Eternal (ema) 198
Canyon Crab

{1}{U}: This creature gets +2/-2 until end of turn. At the beginning of your end step, if you haven't cast a spell from your hand this turn, draw a card, then discard a card.

Creature
Canyon Crab (otj) 40
Charix, the Raging Isle

Spells your opponents cast that target Charix cost {2} more to cast. {3}: Charix gets +X/-X until end of turn, where X is the number of Islands you control.

Creature
Charix, the Raging Isle (znr) 49
Crystal Barricade

Defender (This creature can't attack.) You have hexproof. (You can't be the target of spells or abilities your opponents control.) Prevent all noncombat damage that would be dealt to other creatures you control.

Creature Artifact
Crystal Barricade (fdn) 296
Dauntless Dismantler

Artifacts your opponents control enter tapped. {X}{X}{W}, Sacrifice this creature: Destroy each artifact with mana value X.

Creature
Dauntless Dismantler (lci) 8
Essence of Antiquity

Disguise {2}{W} (You may cast this card face down for {3} as a 2/2 creature with ward {2}. Turn it face up any time for its disguise cost.) When this creature is turned face up, creatures you control gain hexproof until end of turn. Untap them.

Creature Artifact
Essence of Antiquity (mkm) 15
Fear of Failed Tests

Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, draw that many cards.

Creature Enchantment
Fear of Failed Tests (dsk) 55
Gilded Scuttler

This creature can't be blocked. When this creature enters, tap target creature an opponent controls and put a stun counter on it. (If a permanent with a stun counter would become untapped, remove one from it instead.)

Creature Artifact
Gilded Scuttler (j25) 7
Ornithopter of Paradise

Flying {T}: Add one mana of any color.

Creature Artifact
Ornithopter of Paradise (j25) 153
Phyrexian Walker

Creature Artifact
Phyrexian Walker (vis) 152
Pollywog Prodigy

Evolve (Whenever a creature you control enters, if that creature has greater power or toughness than this creature, put a +1/+1 counter on this creature.) Whenever an opponent casts a noncreature spell with mana value less than this creature's power, draw a card.

Creature
Pollywog Prodigy (blc) 15
Rasaad yn Bashir

Each creature you control assigns combat damage equal to its toughness rather than its power. Whenever Rasaad yn Bashir attacks, if you have the initiative, double the toughness of each creature you control until end of turn. Choose a Background (You can have a Background as a second commander.)

Creature
Rasaad yn Bashir (clb) 380
Shrike Force

Flying, double strike, vigilance

Creature
Shrike Force (blb) 31
Spellskite

{U/P}: Change a target of target spell or ability to this creature. ({U/P} can be paid with either {U} or 2 life.)

Creature Artifact
Spellskite (clb) 873
Surge Mare

This creature can't be blocked by green creatures. Whenever this creature deals damage to an opponent, you may draw a card. If you do, discard a card. {1}{U}: This creature gets +2/-2 until end of turn.

Creature
Surge Mare (m19) 77
The Council of Four

Whenever a player draws their second card during their turn, you draw a card. Whenever a player casts their second spell during their turn, you create a 2/2 white Knight creature token.

Creature
The Council of Four (clb) 271
The Reality Chip

You may look at the top card of your library any time. As long as The Reality Chip is attached to a creature, you may play lands and cast spells from the top of your library. Reconfigure {2}{U} ({2}{U}: Attach to target creature you control; or unattach from a creature. Reconfigure only as a sorcery. While attached, this isn't a creature.)

Creature Artifact
The Reality Chip (neo) 374
Wall of Frost

Defender Whenever this creature blocks a creature, that creature doesn't untap during its controller's next untap step.

Creature
Wall of Frost (m15) 83
Wall of Omens

Defender When this creature enters, draw a card.

Creature
Wall of Omens (cmd) 37
Weathered Sentinels

Defender, vigilance, reach, trample This creature can attack players who attacked you during their last turn as though it didn't have defender. Whenever this creature attacks, it gets +3/+3 and gains indestructible until end of turn.

Creature Artifact
Weathered Sentinels (ncc) 185

Thick Thighs End Lives

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Enablers

Quantity: 14Price: $113.62
Archetype of Imagination

Creatures you control have flying. Creatures your opponents control lose flying and can't have or gain flying.

Creature Enchantment
Archetype of Imagination (plst) C18-81
Brave the Sands

Creatures you control have vigilance. Each creature you control can block an additional creature each combat.

Enchantment
Brave the Sands (cm2) 19
Delney, Streetwise Lookout

Creatures you control with power 2 or less can't be blocked by creatures with power 3 or greater. If an ability of a creature you control with power 2 or less triggers, that ability triggers an additional time.

Creature
Delney, Streetwise Lookout (mkm) 337
Displacer Kitten

Avoidance — Whenever you cast a noncreature spell, exile up to one target nonland permanent you control, then return that card to the battlefield under its owner's control.

Creature
Displacer Kitten (clb) 560
Ephemerate

Exile target creature you control, then return it to the battlefield under its owner's control. Rebound (If you cast this spell from your hand, exile it as it resolves. At the beginning of your next upkeep, you may cast this card from exile without paying its mana cost.)

Instant
Ephemerate (sta) 5
Essence Flux

Exile target creature you control, then return that card to the battlefield under its owner's control. If it's a Spirit, put a +1/+1 counter on it.

Instant
Essence Flux (jmp) 151
Gold-Forged Thopteryx

Flying, lifelink Each legendary permanent you control has ward {2}. (Whenever it becomes the target of a spell or ability an opponent controls, counter it unless that player pays {2}.)

Creature Artifact
Gold-Forged Thopteryx (mat) 81
High Alert

Each creature you control assigns combat damage equal to its toughness rather than its power. Creatures you control can attack as though they didn't have defender. {2}{W}{U}: Untap target creature.

Enchantment
High Alert (rna) 182
Hullbreaker Horror

Flash This spell can't be countered. Whenever you cast a spell, choose up to one — • Return target spell you don't control to its owner's hand. • Return target nonland permanent to its owner's hand.

Creature
Hullbreaker Horror (pip) 344
Mangara, the Diplomat

Lifelink Whenever an opponent attacks with creatures, if two or more of those creatures are attacking you and/or planeswalkers you control, draw a card. Whenever an opponent casts their second spell each turn, draw a card.

Creature
Mangara, the Diplomat (m21) 343
Stoneskin

Flash Enchant creature Enchanted creature gets +0/+10.

Enchantment
Stoneskin (clb) 45
Tetsuko Umezawa, Fugitive

Creatures you control with power or toughness 1 or less can't be blocked.

Creature
Tetsuko Umezawa, Fugitive (mul) 12
Thassa, God of the Sea

Indestructible As long as your devotion to blue is less than five, Thassa isn't a creature. (Each {U} in the mana costs of permanents you control counts toward your devotion to blue.) At the beginning of your upkeep, scry 1. {1}{U}: Target creature you control can't be blocked this turn.

Creature Enchantment
Thassa, God of the Sea (ths) 66
Welcoming Vampire

Flying Whenever one or more other creatures you control with power 2 or less enter, draw a card. This ability triggers only once each turn.

Creature
Welcoming Vampire (vow) 287

Enablers

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Touching Privileges

Quantity: 6Price: $170.14
Brainstorm

Draw three cards, then put two cards from your hand on top of your library in any order.

Instant
Brainstorm (sta) 13
Modify Memory

Exchange control of two target creatures controlled by different players. If you control neither creature, draw three cards.

Sorcery
Modify Memory (clb) 83
Opt

Scry 1. (Look at the top card of your library. You may put that card on the bottom.) Draw a card.

Instant
Opt (sta) 19
Rammas Echor, Ancient Shield

Whenever you cast your second spell each turn, draw a card, then create a 0/3 white Wall creature token with defender. At the beginning of combat on your turn, creatures you control with defender gain exalted until end of turn. (Whenever a creature you control attacks alone, it gets +1/+1 until end of turn for each instance of exalted among permanents you control.)

Artifact
Rammas Echor, Ancient Shield (ltc) 505
Rhystic Study

Whenever an opponent casts a spell, you may draw a card unless that player pays {1}.

Enchantment
Rhystic Study (wot) 71
Wizard Class

(Gain the next level as a sorcery to add its ability.) You have no maximum hand size. {2}{U}: Level 2 When this Class becomes level 2, draw two cards. {4}{U}: Level 3 Whenever you draw a card, put a +1/+1 counter on target creature you control.

Enchantment
Wizard Class (plst) AFR-81

Touching Privileges

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Land

Quantity: 34Price: $328.45
Academy Ruins

{T}: Add {C}. {1}{U}, {T}: Put target artifact card from your graveyard on top of your library.

Land
Academy Ruins (2xm) 369
Access Tunnel

{T}: Add {C}. {3}, {T}: Target creature with power 3 or less can't be blocked this turn.

Land
Access Tunnel (ltc) 294
Azorius Chancery

This land enters tapped. When this land enters, return a land you control to its owner's hand. {T}: Add {W}{U}.

Land
Azorius Chancery (prm) 102351
Cephalid Coliseum

{T}: Add {U}. This land deals 1 damage to you. Threshold — {U}, {T}, Sacrifice this land: Target player draws three cards, then discards three cards. Activate only if seven or more cards are in your graveyard.

Land
Cephalid Coliseum (mh3) 300
Command Tower

{T}: Add one mana of any color in your commander's color identity.

Land
Command Tower (sld) 758
Deserted Beach

This land enters tapped unless you control two or more other lands. {T}: Add {W} or {U}.

Land
Deserted Beach (who) 488
Evolving Wilds

{T}, Sacrifice this land: Search your library for a basic land card, put it onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.

Land
Evolving Wilds (who) 275
Exotic Orchard

{T}: Add one mana of any color that a land an opponent controls could produce.

Land
Exotic Orchard (pip) 495
Flooded Strand

{T}, Pay 1 life, Sacrifice this land: Search your library for a Plains or Island card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle.

Land
Flooded Strand (mh3) 464
Glacial Fortress

This land enters tapped unless you control a Plains or an Island. {T}: Add {W} or {U}.

Land
Glacial Fortress (pxln) 255p
Hall of Heliod's Generosity

{T}: Add {C}. {1}{W}, {T}: Put target enchantment card from your graveyard on top of your library.

Land
Hall of Heliod's Generosity (woc) 162
Hallowed Fountain

({T}: Add {W} or {U}.) As this land enters, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters tapped.

Land
Hallowed Fountain (prna) 251p
Hengegate Pathway

Land
Hengegate Pathway // Mistgate Pathway (khm) 260Hengegate Pathway // Mistgate Pathway (khm) 260
Island

({T}: Add {U}.)

Land
Island (dmu) 278
Lonely Sandbar

This land enters tapped. {T}: Add {U}. Cycling {U} ({U}, Discard this card: Draw a card.)

Land
Lonely Sandbar (ltc) 319
Maze of Ith

{T}: Untap target attacking creature. Prevent all combat damage that would be dealt to and dealt by that creature this turn.

Land
Maze of Ith (dmr) 456
Mystic Sanctuary

({T}: Add {U}.) This land enters tapped unless you control three or more other Islands. When this land enters untapped, you may put target instant or sorcery card from your graveyard on top of your library.

Land
Mystic Sanctuary (eld) 247
Otawara, Soaring City

{T}: Add {U}. Channel — {3}{U}, Discard this card: Return target artifact, creature, enchantment, or planeswalker to its owner's hand. This ability costs {1} less to activate for each legendary creature you control.

Land
Otawara, Soaring City (neo) 414
Plains

({T}: Add {W}.)

Land
Plains (one) 267
Port Town

As this land enters, you may reveal a Plains or Island card from your hand. If you don't, this land enters tapped. {T}: Add {W} or {U}.

Land
Port Town (who) 507
Prairie Stream

({T}: Add {W} or {U}.) This land enters tapped unless you control two or more basic lands.

Land
Prairie Stream (pip) 503
Reflecting Pool

{T}: Add one mana of any type that a land you control could produce.

Land
Reflecting Pool (shm) 278
Reliquary Tower

You have no maximum hand size. {T}: Add {C}.

Land
Reliquary Tower (sld) 695
Restless Anchorage

This land enters tapped. {T}: Add {W} or {U}. {1}{W}{U}: Until end of turn, this land becomes a 2/3 white and blue Bird creature with flying. It's still a land. Whenever this land attacks, create a Map token.

Land
Restless Anchorage (lci) 347
Rogue's Passage

{T}: Add {C}. {4}, {T}: Target creature can't be blocked this turn.

Land
Rogue's Passage (sld) 607
Sea of Clouds

This land enters tapped unless you have two or more opponents. {T}: Add {W} or {U}.

Land
Sea of Clouds (clb) 360
Temple of Enlightenment

This land enters tapped. When this land enters, scry 1. (Look at the top card of your library. You may put that card on the bottom.) {T}: Add {W} or {U}.

Land
Temple of Enlightenment (pip) 518
Terramorphic Expanse

{T}, Sacrifice this land: Search your library for a basic land card, put it onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.

Land
Terramorphic Expanse (dsk) 269

Land

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Mana Cocks :bmain:

Quantity: 6Price: $1475.74
Arcane Signet

{T}: Add one mana of any color in your commander's color identity.

Artifact
Arcane Signet (sld) 1492
Caged Sun

As this artifact enters, choose a color. Creatures you control of the chosen color get +1/+1. Whenever a land's ability causes you to add one or more mana of the chosen color, add one additional mana of that color.

Artifact
Caged Sun (plst) CM2-178
Decanter of Endless Water

You have no maximum hand size. {T}: Add one mana of any color.

Artifact
Decanter of Endless Water (plst) CLB-309
Sapphire Medallion

Blue spells you cast cost {1} less to cast.

Artifact
Sapphire Medallion (mh3) 349
Sol Ring

{T}: Add {C}{C}.

Artifact
Sol Ring (ltc) 408
Thought Vessel

You have no maximum hand size. {T}: Add {C}.

Artifact
Thought Vessel (sld) 1495

Mana Cocks :bmain:

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The clap of my ass cheeks keeps counterspelling the hoes

Quantity: 17Price: $186.75
An Offer You Can't Refuse

Counter target noncreature spell. Its controller creates two Treasure tokens. (They're artifacts with "{T}, Sacrifice this token: Add one mana of any color.")

Instant
An Offer You Can't Refuse (slp) 7
Arcane Denial

Counter target spell. Its controller may draw up to two cards at the beginning of the next turn's upkeep. You draw a card at the beginning of the next turn's upkeep.

Instant
Arcane Denial (ltc) 184
Dovin's Veto

This spell can't be countered. Counter target noncreature spell.

Instant
Dovin's Veto (war) 193
Dusk

Sorcery
Dusk // Dawn (akh) 210
Fell the Mighty

Destroy all creatures with power greater than target creature's power.

Sorcery
Fell the Mighty (otp) 1
Fierce Guardianship

If you control a commander, you may cast this spell without paying its mana cost. Counter target noncreature spell.

Instant
Fierce Guardianship (cmm) 694
Generous Gift

Destroy target permanent. Its controller creates a 3/3 green Elephant creature token.

Instant
Generous Gift (sld) 369
Ghostly Prison

Creatures can't attack you unless their controller pays {2} for each creature they control that's attacking you.

Enchantment
Ghostly Prison (onc) 71
Imprisoned in the Moon

Enchant creature, land, or planeswalker Enchanted permanent is a colorless land with "{T}: Add {C}" and loses all other card types and abilities.

Enchantment
Imprisoned in the Moon (sld) 1102
Propaganda

Creatures can't attack you unless their controller pays {2} for each creature they control that's attacking you.

Enchantment
Propaganda (afc) 91
Sink into Stupor

Instant
Sink into Stupor // Soporific Springs (mh3) 241Sink into Stupor // Soporific Springs (mh3) 241
Slaughter the Strong

Each player chooses any number of creatures they control with total power 4 or less, then sacrifices all other creatures they control.

Sorcery
Slaughter the Strong (clb) 43
Strix Serenade

Counter target artifact, creature, or planeswalker spell. Its controller creates a 2/2 blue Bird creature token with flying.

Instant
Strix Serenade (mh3) 71
Swan Song

Counter target enchantment, instant, or sorcery spell. Its controller creates a 2/2 blue Bird creature token with flying.

Instant
Swan Song (ltc) 197
Swords to Plowshares

Exile target creature. Its controller gains life equal to its power.

Instant
Swords to Plowshares (mb2) 153
The Battle of Bywater

Destroy all creatures with power 3 or greater. Then create a Food token for each creature you control. (It's an artifact with "{2}, {T}, Sacrifice this token: You gain 3 life.")

Sorcery
The Battle of Bywater (ltr) 453
Witness Protection

Enchant creature Enchanted creature loses all abilities and is a green and white Citizen creature with base power and toughness 1/1 named Legitimate Businessperson. (It loses all other colors, card types, creature types, and names.)

Enchantment
Witness Protection (snc) 66

The clap of my ass cheeks keeps counterspelling the hoes

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Deck Info

Deck stats

33 pips - 26 cards
21 mana - 21 cards
41 pips - 35 cards
28 mana - 28 cards
0 pips - 0 cards
0 mana - 8 cards
0 pips - 0 cards
0 mana - 8 cards
0 pips - 0 cards
0 mana - 8 cards
0 pips - 0 cards
9 mana - 8 cards
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