Rules Lawyer

State-based actions don't apply to you or other permanents you control. (You don't lose the game due to having 0 or less life or drawing from an empty library. Your creatures aren't destroyed due to damage or deathtouch and aren't put into a graveyard due to having 0 or less toughness. Your planeswalkers aren't put into a graveyard if they have 0 loyalty. You don't put a legendary permanent into a graveyard if you control two with the same name. Counters aren't removed from your permanents due to game rules. Permanents you control attached or combined illegally remain on the battlefield. For complete rules and regulations, see rule 704.)

Have

Cut a Deal

Each opponent draws a card, then you draw a card for each opponent who drew a card this way.

Hostile Investigator

When this creature enters, target opponent discards a card.
Whenever one or more players discard one or more cards, investigate. This ability triggers only once each turn. (Create a Clue token. It's an artifact with "{2}, Sacrifice this token: Draw a card.")

Protection Racket

At the beginning of your upkeep, repeat the following process for each opponent in turn order. Reveal the top card of your library. That player may pay life equal to that card's mana value. If they do, exile that card. Otherwise, put it into your hand.

Waste Management

Kicker {3}{B} (You may pay an additional {3}{B} as you cast this spell.)
Exile up to two target cards from a single graveyard. If this spell was kicked, instead exile target player's graveyard. Create a 2/2 black Rogue creature token for each creature card exiled this way.

Cabal Coffers

{2}, {T}: Add {B} for each Swamp you control.

Whack

This spell costs {3} less to cast if it targets a white creature.
Target creature gets -4/-4 until end of turn.

Rogue's Passage

{T}: Add {C}.
{4}, {T}: Target creature can't be blocked this turn.

T.A.P.P.E.R.

{T}, Tap an untapped creature you control that has a hat: Tap target creature.

Charcoal Diamond

This artifact enters tapped.
{T}: Add {B}.

Swamp

capital offense

target creature gets -x/-x until end of turn, where x is the number of times a capital letter appears in its rules text. (ignore reminder text and flavor text.)

Shakedown Heavy

Menace
Whenever this creature attacks, defending player may have you draw a card. If they do, untap this creature and remove it from combat.

Body Count

Spectacle {B} (You may cast this spell for its spectacle cost rather than its mana cost if an opponent lost life this turn.)
Draw a card for each creature that died under your control this turn.

Rattleback Apothecary

Deathtouch
Whenever you commit a crime, target creature you control gains your choice of menace or lifelink until end of turn. (Targeting opponents, anything they control, and/or cards in their graveyards is a crime.)

Ballroom

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {W} or {B}.
{4}, {T}: Investigate. (Create a Clue token. It's an artifact with "{2}, Sacrifice this token: Draw a card.")

Access Tunnel

{T}: Add {C}.
{3}, {T}: Target creature with power 3 or less can't be blocked this turn.

Fake Your Own Death

Until end of turn, target creature gets +2/+0 and gains "When this creature dies, return it to the battlefield tapped under its owner's control and you create a Treasure token." (It's an artifact with "{T}, Sacrifice this token: Add one mana of any color.")

Brass Knuckles

When you cast this spell, copy it. (The copy becomes a token.)
Equipped creature has double strike as long as two or more Equipment are attached to it.
Equip {1} ({1}: Attach to target creature you control. Equip only as a sorcery.)

Maestros Theater

When this land enters, sacrifice it. When you do, search your library for a basic Island, Swamp, or Mountain card, put it onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle and you gain 1 life.

Body Launderer

Deathtouch
Whenever another nontoken creature you control dies, this creature connives.
When this creature dies, return another target non-Rogue creature card with equal or lesser power from your graveyard to the battlefield.

Eye to Eye

You and target creature's controller have a staring contest. If you win, destroy that creature.

Unscrupulous Agent

When this creature enters, target opponent exiles a card from their hand.

Scene of the Crime

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {C}.
{T}, Tap an untapped creature you control: Add one mana of any color.
{2}, Sacrifice this land: Draw a card.

Cement Shoes

Equipped creature gets +3/+3 and has "At the beginning of your end step, tap this creature."
Equipped creature doesn't untap during its controller's untap step.
Equip {2} ({2}: Attach to target creature you control. Equip only as a sorcery.)

Basilica Stalker

Flying
Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, you gain 1 life and surveil 1. (Look at the top card of your library. You may put it into your graveyard.)
Disguise {4}{B} (You may cast this card face down for {3} as a 2/2 creature with ward {2}. Turn it face up any time for its disguise cost.)

"Brims" Barone, Midway Mobster

When "Brims" Barone, Midway Mobster enters, put a +1/+1 counter on each other creature you control that has a hat.
"Brims" Barone, Midway Mobster has menace as long as you're wearing a hat.

Kill Shot

Jailbreak

Return target permanent card in an opponent's graveyard to the battlefield under their control. When that permanent enters, return up to one target permanent card with equal or lesser mana value from your graveyard to the battlefield.

Buy Your Silence

Exile target nonland permanent. Its controller creates a Treasure token. (It's an artifact with "{T}, Sacrifice this token: Add one mana of any color.")

Sterling Supplier

Flying
When this creature enters, put a +1/+1 counter on another target creature you control.

Underdome

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add one mana of any color. Spend this mana only to pay Un-costs.

Tinybones, the Pickpocket

Deathtouch
Whenever Tinybones deals combat damage to a player, you may cast target nonland permanent card from that player's graveyard, and mana of any type can be spent to cast that spell.

Currency Converter

Whenever you discard a card, you may exile that card from your graveyard.
{2}, {T}: Draw a card, then discard a card.
{T}: Put a card exiled with this artifact into your graveyard. If it's a land card, create a Treasure token. If it's a nonland card, create a 2/2 black Rogue creature token.

Frankie Peanuts

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may ask target player a yes-or-no question. If you do, that player answers the question truthfully and abides by that answer if able until end of turn.

The Wanderer

Prevent all noncombat damage that would be dealt to you and other permanents you control.
−2: Exile target creature with power 4 or greater.

Form of the Approach of the Second Sun

When this enchantment enters, you gain 7 life. You become a card until you leave your library or that library is shuffled. Put yourself seventh from the top, balancing the cards on top of you on your head.
When you draw yourself, you win the game.
When one or more cards fall off your head, exile them and all cards on your head, then sacrifice this enchantment.

No Witnesses

Each player who controls the most creatures investigates. Then destroy all creatures. (To investigate, create a Clue token. It's an artifact with "{2}, Sacrifice this token: Draw a card.")

Escape Tunnel

{T}, Sacrifice this land: Search your library for a basic land card, put it onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.
{T}, Sacrifice this land: Target creature with power 2 or less can't be blocked this turn.

Command Tower

{T}: Add one mana of any color in your commander's color identity.

Black Market Connections

At the beginning of your first main phase, choose one or more —
• Sell Contraband — Create a Treasure token. You lose 1 life.
• Buy Information — Draw a card. You lose 2 life.
• Hire a Mercenary — Create a 3/2 colorless Shapeshifter creature token with changeling. You lose 3 life. (It is every creature type.)

Public Thoroughfare

This land enters tapped.
When this land enters, sacrifice it unless you tap an untapped artifact or land you control.
{T}: Add one mana of any color.

Hat Trick

Target blocking or blocked creature you control gets +1/+1 and gains first strike until end of turn. If it has a hat, it gains double strike until end of turn. If you and that creature each have a hat, the creature gains triple strike until end of turn.

False Floor

This artifact enters tapped.
Creatures enter tapped.
{2}, {T}, Exile this artifact: Exile all untapped creatures. Activate only as a sorcery.

AWOL

Exile target attacking creature. Then remove it from the game. Then put it into the absolutely-removed-from-the-freaking-game-forever zone.

Boss's Chauffeur

This creature enters with a number of +1/+1 counters on it equal to one plus the number of other creatures you control.
Alliance — Whenever another creature you control enters, put a +1/+1 counter on this creature.
When this creature dies, create a 1/1 green and white Citizen creature token for each +1/+1 counter on it.

Accessories to Murder

Whenever you crank this Contraption, target creature gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is the number of creatures you control.

Citizen's Crowbar

When this Equipment enters, create a 1/1 green and white Citizen creature token, then attach this Equipment to it.
Equipped creature gets +1/+1 and has "{W}, {T}, Sacrifice Citizen's Crowbar: Destroy target artifact or enchantment."
Equip {2} ({2}: Attach to target creature you control. Equip only as a sorcery.)

Girder Goons

When this creature dies, create a tapped 2/2 black Rogue creature token.
Blitz {3}{B} (If you cast this spell for its blitz cost, it gains haste and "When this creature dies, draw a card." Sacrifice it at the beginning of the next end step.)

Murder

Shoot the Sheriff

Destroy target non-outlaw creature. (Assassins, Mercenaries, Pirates, Rogues, and Warlocks are outlaws. Everyone else is fair game.)

Blood Hustler

Whenever you commit a crime, put a +1/+1 counter on this creature. This ability triggers only once each turn. (Targeting opponents, anything they control, and/or cards in their graveyards is a crime.)
{3}{B}: Target opponent loses 1 life and you gain 1 life.

Life Insurance

Extort (Whenever you cast a spell, you may pay {W/B}. If you do, each opponent loses 1 life and you gain that much life.)
Whenever a nontoken creature dies, you lose 1 life and create a Treasure token.

Quick-Draw Dagger

Flash
When this Equipment enters, attach it to target creature you control. That creature gains first strike until end of turn.
Equipped creature gets +1/+1.
Equip {1} ({1}: Attach to target creature you control. Equip only as a sorcery.)

Godless Shrine

({T}: Add {W} or {B}.)
As this land enters, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters tapped.

Rat in the Hat

{T}, Sacrifice this creature: Until end of turn, you may cast target creature card that has a hat from your graveyard.

Vadmir, New Blood

Whenever you commit a crime, put a +1/+1 counter on Vadmir. This ability triggers only once each turn. (Targeting opponents, anything they control, and/or cards in their graveyards is a crime.)
As long as Vadmir has four or more +1/+1 counters on it, it has menace and lifelink.

Ruthless Lawbringer

When this creature enters, you may sacrifice another creature. When you do, destroy target nonland permanent.

Rogues' Gallery

For each color, return up to one target creature card of that color from your graveyard to your hand.

Silver Shroud Costume

Flash
When this Equipment enters, attach it to target creature you control. That creature gains shroud until end of turn. (It can't be the target of spells or abilities.)
Equipped creature can't be blocked.
Equip {3}

Knife and Death

Just a second (As long as this spell is on the stack, players can't move permanents.)
One at a time, throw ten cards you own from outside the game onto the playing area from a distance of at least three feet (about one meter). For each of those cards, Knife and Death deals 1 damage to each creature or planeswalker you don't control that card is touching. You gain life equal to the damage dealt this way.

Marble Diamond

This artifact enters tapped.
{T}: Add {W}.

Lethal Scheme

Convoke (Your creatures can help cast this spell. Each creature you tap while casting this spell pays for {1} or one mana of that creature's color.)
Destroy target creature or planeswalker. Each creature that convoked this spell connives. (Draw a card, then discard a card. If you discarded a nonland card, put a +1/+1 counter on that creature.)

Brokers Hideout

When this land enters, sacrifice it. When you do, search your library for a basic Forest, Plains, or Island card, put it onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle and you gain 1 life.

Land Tax

At the beginning of your upkeep, if an opponent controls more lands than you, you may search your library for up to three basic land cards, reveal them, put them into your hand, then shuffle.

Orzhov Signet

Ass Whuppin'

Destroy target silver-bordered or acorn permanent in any game you can see from your seat.

Crooked Custodian

Final Showdown

Spree (Choose one or more additional costs.)
+ {1} — All creatures lose all abilities until end of turn.
+ {1} — Choose a creature you control. It gains indestructible until end of turn.
+ {3}{W}{W} — Destroy all creatures.

Plains

Dogged Detective

When this creature enters, surveil 2. (Look at the top two cards of your library, then put any number of them into your graveyard and the rest on top of your library in any order.)
Whenever an opponent draws their second card each turn, you may return this card from your graveyard to your hand.

Shadowy Backstreet

({T}: Add {W} or {B}.)
This land enters tapped.
When this land enters, surveil 1. (Look at the top card of your library. You may put it into your graveyard.)

Corrupt Court Official

When this creature enters, target opponent discards a card.

Cabaretti Courtyard

When this land enters, sacrifice it. When you do, search your library for a basic Mountain, Forest, or Plains card, put it onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle and you gain 1 life.

Hold for Ransom

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature can't attack or block and has "{7}: Hold for Ransom's controller sacrifices it and draws a card. Activate only as a sorcery."

Black Market

Whenever a creature dies, put a charge counter on this enchantment.
At the beginning of your first main phase, add {B} for each charge counter on this enchantment.

Make an Example

Each opponent separates the creatures they control into two piles. For each opponent, you choose one of their piles. Each opponent sacrifices the creatures in their chosen pile. (Piles can be empty.)

Homicide Investigator

Whenever one or more nontoken creatures you control die, investigate. This ability triggers only once each turn. (Create a Clue token. It's an artifact with "{2}, Sacrifice this token: Draw a card.")

Behind the Scenes

Creatures you control have skulk. (They can't be blocked by creatures with greater power.)
{4}{W}: Creatures you control get +1/+1 until end of turn.

Sol Ring

Haberthrasher

Deathtouch
Whenever another creature you control that has a hat enters or a hat sticker is put on a creature you control, each opponent loses 1 life.

Agent of the Shadow Thieves

Commander creatures you own have "Whenever this creature attacks a player, if no opponent has more life than that player, put a +1/+1 counter on this creature. It gains deathtouch and indestructible until end of turn."

Extract the Truth

Choose one —
• Target opponent reveals their hand. You may choose a creature, enchantment, or planeswalker card from it. That player discards that card.
• Target opponent sacrifices an enchantment of their choice.