Proxy

Skullclamp

Equipped creature gets +1/-1.
Whenever equipped creature dies, draw two cards.
Equip {1}

Have

Basilisk Collar

Equipped creature has deathtouch and lifelink. (Any amount of damage it deals to a creature is enough to destroy it. Damage dealt by this creature also causes you to gain that much life.)
Equip {2} ({2}: Attach to target creature you control. Equip only as a sorcery.)

Exuberant Fuseling

Trample
This creature gets +1/+0 for each oil counter on it.
When this creature enters and whenever another creature or artifact you control is put into a graveyard from the battlefield, put an oil counter on this creature.

Faithless Looting

Draw two cards, then discard two cards.
Flashback {2}{R} (You may cast this card from your graveyard for its flashback cost. Then exile it.)

Spark Spray

Spark Spray deals 1 damage to any target.
Cycling {R} ({R}, Discard this card: Draw a card.)

Voldaren Epicure

When this creature enters, it deals 1 damage to each opponent. Create a Blood token. (It's an artifact with "{1}, {T}, Discard a card, Sacrifice this token: Draw a card.")

Curse of Opulence

Enchant player
Whenever enchanted player is attacked, create a Gold token. Each opponent attacking that player does the same. (A Gold token is an artifact with "Sacrifice this token: Add one mana of any color.")

Stromkirk Noble

This creature can't be blocked by Humans.
Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, put a +1/+1 counter on it.

Ragavan, Nimble Pilferer

Whenever Ragavan deals combat damage to a player, create a Treasure token and exile the top card of that player's library. Until end of turn, you may cast that card.
Dash {1}{R} (You may cast this spell for its dash cost. If you do, it gains haste, and it's returned from the battlefield to its owner's hand at the beginning of the next end step.)

Soul-Guide Lantern

When this artifact enters, exile target card from a graveyard.
{T}, Sacrifice this artifact: Exile each opponent's graveyard.
{1}, {T}, Sacrifice this artifact: Draw a card.

Mountain

Sarpadian Simulacrum

Haste
{3}{R}, Sacrifice this creature: It deals 4 damage to target creature.

Rosnakht, Heir of Rohgahh

Battle cry (Whenever this creature attacks, each other attacking creature gets +1/+0 until end of turn.)
Heroic — Whenever you cast a spell that targets Rosnakht, create a 0/1 red Kobold creature token named Kobolds of Kher Keep.

Trusty Machete

Reckless Lackey

First strike, haste
{2}{R}, Sacrifice this creature: Draw a card and create a Treasure token. (It's an artifact with "{T}, Sacrifice this token: Add one mana of any color.")

Chain Lightning

Chain Lightning deals 3 damage to any target. Then that player or that permanent's controller may pay {R}{R}. If the player does, they may copy this spell and may choose a new target for that copy.

Reckless Abandon

As an additional cost to cast this spell, sacrifice a creature.
Reckless Abandon deals 4 damage to any target.

Colossus Hammer

Equipped creature gets +10/+10 and loses flying.
Equip {8} ({8}: Attach to target creature you control. Equip only as a sorcery.)

Pip-Boy 3000

Whenever equipped creature attacks, choose one —
• Sort Inventory — Draw a card, then discard a card.
• Pick a Perk — Put a +1/+1 counter on that creature.
• Check Map — Untap up to two target lands.
Equip {2}

Sticky Fingers

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature has menace and "Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, create a Treasure token." (It can't be blocked except by two or more creatures. The token is an artifact with "{T}, Sacrifice this token: Add one mana of any color.")
When enchanted creature dies, draw a card.

Built to Smash

Target attacking creature gets +3/+3 until end of turn. If it's an artifact creature, it gains trample until end of turn.

Lightning Axe

As an additional cost to cast this spell, discard a card or pay {5}.
Lightning Axe deals 5 damage to target creature.

Cacophony Scamp

Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, you may sacrifice it. If you do, proliferate. (Choose any number of permanents and/or players, then give each another counter of each kind already there.)
When this creature dies, it deals damage equal to its power to any target.

Great Train Heist

Spree (Choose one or more additional costs.)
+ {2}{R} — Untap all creatures you control. If it's your combat phase, there is an additional combat phase after this phase.
+ {2} — Creatures you control get +1/+0 and gain first strike until end of turn.
+ {R} — Choose target opponent. Whenever a creature you control deals combat damage to that player this turn, create a tapped Treasure token.

Lightning Bolt

Lightning Bolt deals 3 damage to any target.

Blacksmith's Talent

(Gain the next level as a sorcery to add its ability.)
When this Class enters, create a colorless Equipment artifact token named Sword with "Equipped creature gets +1/+1" and equip {2}.
{2}{R}: Level 2
At the beginning of combat on your turn, attach target Equipment you control to up to one target creature you control.
{3}{R}: Level 3
During your turn, equipped creatures you control have double strike and haste.

Clockwork Percussionist

Haste
When this creature dies, exile the top card of your library. You may play it until the end of your next turn.

Goblin Grenade

As an additional cost to cast this spell, sacrifice a Goblin.
Goblin Grenade deals 5 damage to any target.

Explorer's Scope

Whenever equipped creature attacks, look at the top card of your library. If it's a land card, you may put it onto the battlefield tapped.
Equip {1} ({1}: Attach to target creature you control. Equip only as a sorcery.)

Tectonic Hazard

Tectonic Hazard deals 1 damage to each opponent and each creature they control.

Laccolith Rig

Enchant creature
Whenever enchanted creature becomes blocked, you may have it deal damage equal to its power to target creature. If you do, the first creature assigns no combat damage this turn.

Skin Shedder

Skin Invasion

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature attacks each combat if able.
When enchanted creature dies, return this card to the battlefield transformed under your control.

Skin Invasion // Skin Shedder

Expedition Map

{2}, {T}, Sacrifice this artifact: Search your library for a land card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

Arc Spitter

Equipped creature has "{1}: This creature deals 1 damage to target creature that's blocking it."
Equip {1} ({1}: Attach to target creature you control. Equip only as a sorcery.)

Norin the Wary

When a player casts a spell or a creature attacks, exile Norin. Return it to the battlefield under its owner's control at the beginning of the next end step.

Braidwood Sextant

{2}, {T}, Sacrifice this artifact: Search your library for a basic land card, reveal that card, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

Bronze Cudgels

{2}: Until end of turn, equipped creature gets +X/+0, where X is the number of times this ability has resolved this turn.
Equip {1} ({1}: Attach to target creature you control. Equip only as a sorcery.)

Infuriate

Target creature gets +3/+2 until end of turn.

Might of the Meek

Target creature gains trample until end of turn. It also gets +1/+0 until end of turn if you control a Mouse.
Draw a card.

Vindictive Flamestoker

Whenever you cast a noncreature spell, put an oil counter on this creature.
{6}{R}, Sacrifice this creature: Discard your hand, then draw four cards. This ability costs {1} less to activate for each oil counter on this creature.

Heirloom Epic

{4}, {T}: Draw a card. For each mana in this ability's activation cost, you may tap an untapped creature you control rather than pay that mana. Activate only as a sorcery.

End the Festivities

End the Festivities deals 1 damage to each opponent and each creature and planeswalker they control.

Convenient Target

Enchant creature
When this Aura enters, suspect enchanted creature. (It has menace and can't block.)
Enchanted creature gets +1/+1.
{2}{R}: Return this card from your graveyard to your hand.

Crash Through

Creatures you control gain trample until end of turn. (Each of those creature can deal excess combat damage to the player or planeswalker it's attacking.)
Draw a card.

Titan's Strength

Target creature gets +3/+1 until end of turn. Scry 1. (Look at the top card of your library. You may put that card on the bottom.)

Vandalblast

Destroy target artifact you don't control.
Overload {4}{R} (You may cast this spell for its overload cost. If you do, change "target" in its text to "each.")

Taunting Kobold

Haste
Whenever this creature attacks, goad target creature an opponent controls. (Until your next turn, that creature attacks each combat if able and attacks a player other than you if able.)

War Squeak

Enchant creature
When this Aura enters, target creature an opponent controls can't block this turn.
Enchanted creature gets +1/+1 and has haste.

Dragon Mantle

Enchant creature
When this Aura enters, draw a card.
Enchanted creature has "{R}: This creature gets +1/+0 until end of turn."

Flamespeaker's Will

Enchant creature you control
Enchanted creature gets +1/+1.
Whenever enchanted creature deals combat damage to a player, you may sacrifice this Aura. If you do, destroy target artifact.

Ceremonial Knife

Equipped creature gets +1/+0 and has "Whenever this creature deals combat damage, create a Blood token." (It's an artifact with "{1}, {T}, Discard a card, Sacrifice this token: Draw a card.")
Equip {2} ({2}: Attach to target creature you control. Equip only as a sorcery.)

Team Pennant

Equipped creature gets +1/+1 and has vigilance and trample.
Equip creature token {1}
Equip {3}

Claim the Firstborn

Gain control of target creature with mana value 3 or less until end of turn. Untap that creature. It gains haste until end of turn.

Rotisserie Elemental

Menace
Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, put a skewer counter on this creature. Then you may sacrifice it. If you do, exile the top X cards of your library, where X is the number of skewer counters on this creature. You may play those cards this turn.

Gamble

Search your library for a card, put that card into your hand, discard a card at random, then shuffle.

Pyroblast

Choose one —
• Counter target spell if it's blue.
• Destroy target permanent if it's blue.

Simian Sling

Equipped creature gets +1/+1.
Whenever this creature or equipped creature becomes blocked, it deals 1 damage to defending player.
Reconfigure {2} ({2}: Attach to target creature you control; or unattach from a creature. Reconfigure only as a sorcery. While attached, this isn't a creature.)

Traveler's Amulet

{1}, Sacrifice this artifact: Search your library for a basic land card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

Satyr Hoplite

Heroic — Whenever you cast a spell that targets this creature, put a +1/+1 counter on this creature.

Spectrum Sentinel

Protection from multicolored (This creature can't be blocked, targeted, dealt damage, enchanted, or equipped by anything multicolored.)
Whenever a nonbasic land an opponent controls enters, you gain 1 life.

Fireblade Charger

As long as this creature is equipped, it has haste.
When this creature dies, it deals damage equal to its power to any target.

Beamtown Beatstick

Equipped creature gets +1/+0 and has menace. (It can't be blocked except by two or more creatures.)
Whenever equipped creature deals combat damage to a player or battle, create a Treasure token.
Equip {2} ({2}: Attach to target creature you control. Equip only as a sorcery.)

Lost Jitte

Whenever equipped creature deals combat damage, put a charge counter on Lost Jitte.
Remove a charge counter from Lost Jitte: Choose one —
• Untap target land.
• Target creature can't block this turn.
• Put a +1/+1 counter on equipped creature.
Equip {1}

Utility Knife

When this Equipment enters, attach it to target creature you control.
Equipped creature gets +1/+1.
Equip {3} ({3}: Attach to target creature you control. Equip only as a sorcery.)

Unlucky Witness

When this creature dies, exile the top two cards of your library. Until your next end step, you may play one of those cards.

Dueling Rapier

Flash
When this Equipment enters, attach it to target creature you control.
Equipped creature gets +2/+0.
Equip {4} ({4}: Attach to target creature you control. Equip only as a sorcery.)

Laccolith Whelp

Whenever this creature becomes blocked, you may have it deal damage equal to its power to target creature. If you do, this creature assigns no combat damage this turn.

Dreadmaw's Ire

Until end of turn, target attacking creature gets +2/+2 and gains trample and "Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, destroy target artifact that player controls."

Thud

As an additional cost to cast this spell, sacrifice a creature.
Thud deals damage equal to the sacrificed creature's power to any target.

Infiltration Lens

Whenever equipped creature becomes blocked by a creature, you may draw two cards.
Equip {1}

Freya Crescent

Jump — During your turn, Freya Crescent has flying.
{T}: Add {R}. Spend this mana only to cast an Equipment spell or activate an equip ability.

Leather Armor

Equipped creature gets +0/+1 and has ward {1}. (Whenever equipped creature becomes the target of a spell or ability an opponent controls, counter it unless that player pays {1}.)
Equip {0}. Activate only once each turn.

Gingerbrute

Haste (This creature can attack and {T} as soon as it comes under your control.)
{1}: This creature can't be blocked this turn except by creatures with haste.
{2}, {T}, Sacrifice this creature: You gain 3 life.

Fountainport Bell

When this artifact enters, you may search your library for a basic land card, reveal it, then shuffle and put that card on top.
{1}, Sacrifice this artifact: Draw a card.

Goldhound

First strike
Menace (This creature can't be blocked except by two or more creatures.)
{T}, Sacrifice this creature: Add one mana of any color.

Akroan Crusader

Heroic — Whenever you cast a spell that targets this creature, create a 1/1 red Soldier creature token with haste. (It can attack and {T} as soon as it comes under your control.)

Sawblade Scamp

Haste
Whenever you cast a noncreature spell, put an oil counter on this creature.
{T}, Remove an oil counter from this creature: It deals 1 damage to each opponent.

Goblin Javelineer

Haste
Whenever this creature becomes blocked, it deals 1 damage to target creature blocking it.

Academic Dispute

Target creature blocks this turn if able. You may have it gain reach until end of turn.
Learn. (You may reveal a Lesson card you own from outside the game and put it into your hand, or discard a card to draw a card.)

Norin, Swift Survivalist

Norin can't block.
Whenever a creature you control becomes blocked, you may exile it. You may play that card from exile this turn.

Turn Inside Out

Target creature gets +3/+0 until end of turn. When it dies this turn, manifest dread. (Look at the top two cards of your library. Put one onto the battlefield face down as a 2/2 creature and the other into your graveyard. Turn it face up any time for its mana cost if it's a creature card.)

Ghost Vacuum

{T}: Exile target card from a graveyard.
{6}, {T}, Sacrifice this artifact: Put each creature card exiled with this artifact onto the battlefield under your control with a flying counter on it. Each of them is a 1/1 Spirit in addition to its other types. Activate only as a sorcery.

Churning Reservoir

At the beginning of your upkeep, put an oil counter on another target nontoken artifact or creature you control.
{2}, {T}: Create a 1/1 red Phyrexian Goblin creature token. Activate only if an oil counter was removed from a permanent you controlled this turn or a permanent with an oil counter on it was put into a graveyard this turn.

Sol Ring

Electrickery

Electrickery deals 1 damage to target creature you don't control.
Overload {1}{R} (You may cast this spell for its overload cost. If you do, change "target" in its text to "each.")

Wayfarer's Bauble

{2}, {T}, Sacrifice this artifact: Search your library for a basic land card, put that card onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.

Dead-Iron Sledge

Whenever equipped creature blocks or becomes blocked by a creature, destroy both creatures.
Equip {2} ({2}: Attach to target creature you control. Equip only as a sorcery. This card enters unattached and stays on the battlefield if the creature leaves.)

Glaring Spotlight

Creatures your opponents control with hexproof can be the targets of spells and abilities you control as though they didn't have hexproof.
{3}, Sacrifice this artifact: Creatures you control gain hexproof until end of turn and can't be blocked this turn.

Dragonmaster Outcast

At the beginning of your upkeep, if you control six or more lands, create a 5/5 red Dragon creature token with flying.

Warlord's Fury

Creatures you control gain first strike until end of turn.
Draw a card.

Spikeshot Elder

{1}{R}{R}: This creature deals damage equal to its power to any target.

Greasewrench Goblin

Exhaust — {2}{R}: Discard up to two cards, then draw that many cards. Put a +1/+1 counter on this creature. (Activate each exhaust ability only once.)

O-Naginata

This Equipment can be attached only to a creature with power 3 or greater.
Equipped creature gets +3/+0 and has trample.
Equip {2} ({2}: Attach to target creature you control. Equip only as a sorcery.)

Diamond Pick-Axe

Indestructible (Effects that say "destroy" don't destroy this Equipment.)
Equipped creature gets +1/+1 and has "Whenever this creature attacks, create a Treasure token." (It's an artifact with "{T}, Sacrifice this token: Add one mana of any color.")
Equip {2}

Raze the Effigy

Choose one —
• Destroy target artifact.
• Target attacking creature gets +2/+2 until end of turn.

Luxior, Giada's Gift

Equipped creature gets +1/+1 for each counter on it.
Equipped permanent isn't a planeswalker and is a creature in addition to its other types. (Loyalty abilities can still be activated.)
Equip planeswalker {1}
Equip {3}

Epiphany Storm

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature has "{R}, {T}, Discard a card: Draw a card."

Karplusan Wolverine

Whenever this creature becomes blocked, you may have it deal 1 damage to any target.

Heartfire Hero

Valiant — Whenever this creature becomes the target of a spell or ability you control for the first time each turn, put a +1/+1 counter on it.
When this creature dies, it deals damage equal to its power to each opponent.

Brute Force

Target creature gets +3/+3 until end of turn.

{"ops":[{"insert":"Inspired by quips&guac\n"}]}