Celestine Cave Witch

When Celestine Cave Witch enters, create two 1/1 black Insect creature tokens.
Whenever Celestine Cave Witch attacks, you may sacrifice an Insect. When you do, curse defending player. (Create a black Aura Curse enchantment token that's attached to that player. It has enchant player and "At the beginning of your upkeep, you lose 1 life.")

Spy Eye

Flying
Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, you may draw a card from that player's library.

Super Secret Tech

Premium spells cost {1} less to cast.
Premium creatures get +1/+1.

Familiar Beeble Mascot

{TK}{TK} — Whenever this creature attacks, untap target permanent.
{TK}{TK}{TK}{TK} — Whenever a creature enters under your control, creatures you control get +1/+1 until end of turn.
{TK}{TK} — 2/3
{TK}{TK}{TK} — 5/3

Sly Spy

Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, that player loses a finger until this creature leaves the battlefield. (The finger is chosen by its owner and can't roll dice or touch cards.)

Avatar of Me

This spell costs {1} more to cast for each ten years you've been alive.
Avatar of Me's power is equal to your height in feet and its toughness is equal to your American shoe size. Round to the nearest ½.
Avatar of Me is the color of your eyes.

Tower of the Magistrate

{T}: Add {C}.
{1}, {T}: Target creature gains protection from artifacts until end of turn.

The Grand Calcutron

When The Grand Calcutron enters, each player's hand becomes a program (an ordered row of revealed cards).
Players can play only the first card of their program.
If a card would be put into a player's hand from anywhere, that player reveals it and places it anywhere within their program instead.
At the beginning of each player's end step, if that player's program has fewer than five cards, they draw cards equal to the difference.
The Grand Calcutron can be your commander.

Knight of Lost Causes

Vigilance
As long as you are way behind, Knight of Lost Causes gets +3/+3 and has indestructible. (You are way behind if, at any point during this turn, an opponent had 10 or more life than you, controlled at least three more creatures than you, or had at least three more cards in hand than you.)

Seasonal Sequels

Pitch the titles of up to X holiday-themed sequels to target spell. Copy that spell for each title pitched, except the copy has that name. You may choose new targets for the copies. (Simply adding numbers isn't festive enough.)

Alpha Guard

When this creature enters, choose a letter.
{T}: Untap another target permanent whose name starts with the chosen letter.

Underdark Beholder

Underdark Beholder enters the battlefield with ten eyestalk counters on it.
If Underdark Beholder would be dealt damage, remove that many eyestalk counters from it instead. If you can't, sacrifice it.
Whenever Underdark Beholder attacks, reveal cards from the top of your library until you reveal an instant, sorcery, or enchantment card with converted mana cost less than the number of eyestalk counters on Underdark Beholder. You may cast it without paying its mana cost. Shuffle your library.

Phyrexian Midway Bamboozle

{TK}{TK} — Whenever this creature attacks, you get {TK}.
{TK}{TK}{TK} — Undying (When this creature dies, if it had no +1/+1 counters on it, return it to the battlefield under its owner's control with a +1/+1 counter on it.)
{TK}{TK} — 4/2
{TK}{TK}{TK}{TK}{TK} — 6/9

Unassuming Gelatinous Serpent

{TK}{TK} — When this permanent dies, return target noncreature, nonland card from your graveyard to your hand.
{TK}{TK}{TK}{TK} — Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, that player mills twice that many cards.
{TK}{TK} — 2/3
{TK}{TK}{TK} — 7/2

Strength-Testing Hammer

Whenever equipped creature attacks, roll a six-sided die. That creature gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is the result. Then if it has the greatest power or is tied for greatest power among creatures on the battlefield, draw a card.
Equip {3}

Banding Sliver

All Slivers have banding. (Any creatures with banding, and up to one without, can attack in a band. Bands are blocked as a group. If any creatures with banding you control are blocking or being blocked by a creature, you divide that creature's combat damage, not its controller, among any of the creatures it's being blocked by or is blocking.)

Alexander Clamilton

Whenever you cast a wordy spell, scry 2. (A spell is wordy if it has four or more lines of rules text.)
{1}{R}, {T}: Choose target creature you don't control. Reveal the top card of your library. Alexander Clamilton gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is the number of lines of rules text of the revealed card. Alexander Clamilton fights that creature.

The Cheese Stands Alone

When you control no permanents other than The Cheese Stands Alone and have no cards in hand, you win the game.

Night of the Flying Merfolk

Bedtime story (Don't put a lore counter on this Saga as it enters. Put a lore counter on it at the beginning of your end step rather than your main phase. Sacrifice after III.)
I — Create two 1/1 blue Merfolk creature tokens.
II — Put a flying counter on each tapped creature you control.
III — Draw a card for each creature you control that dealt combat damage to a player this turn.

Selfie Preservation

Search your library for a basic land card and reveal it. If there's a tree in its art, put it onto the battlefield tapped. Otherwise, put it into your hand. Then shuffle.

Wild Ogre Bupkis

{TK}{TK} — Whenever this creature attacks, put a +1/+1 counter on it.
{TK}{TK}{TK} — Metalcraft — This permanent has protection from noncreature permanents as long as you control three or more artifacts.
{TK}{TK} — 5/1
{TK}{TK}{TK}{TK} — 7/4

Baaallerina

Flying
When this creature enters, you may put a name sticker on a nonland permanent you own.
{2}{U}: Another target creature with a name sticker on it gains flying until end of turn.

Magar of the Magic Strings

{1}{B}{R}: Note the name of target instant or sorcery card in your graveyard and put it onto the battlefield face down. It's a 3/3 creature with "Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, you may create a copy of the card with the noted name. You may cast the copy without paying its mana cost" and "If this creature would leave the battlefield, exile it instead of putting it anywhere else."

As long as X is in X's owner's opponent's hand, X's owner may cast X and activate X's abilities. That opponent can't cast X and plays with their hand revealed.
{U}{B}, {T}: Put X into target opponent's hand.
{3}{U}{B}: You may play a land or cast a spell from the hand X is in. If you cast a spell this way, you cast it without paying its mana cost.

Keeper of the Secret Lair

Flash
You may cast Secret Lair spells as though they had flash.
Secret Lair spells you cast cost {1} less to cast.

Garbage Elemental

Unleash (You may have this creature enter with a +1/+1 counter on it. It can't block as long as it has a +1/+1 counter on it.)
Each creature you control with any kind of counter on it has art menace. (They can't be blocked except by creatures with two or more visible figures in their art.)

Khod, Etlan Shiis Envoy

All lands are Islands in addition to their other types.
Other Homarids, Camarids, Cephalids, Nautilids, and Merfolk you control get +1/+1.

Slumbering Waterways

Slumbering Waterways enters the battlefield tapped.
{T}: Add {G} or {U}.
Flying, vigilance, trample

Ghoulish Impetus

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +1/+1, has deathtouch, and is goaded.
When enchanted creature dies, return this card to the battlefield at the beginning of the next end step.

Main Event Horizon

As an additional cost to cast this spell, choose A through M or N through Z.
Destroy each creature whose name begins with a letter in the chosen range.

Box of Free-Range Goblins

Roll a six-sided die. Create a number of 1/1 red Goblin creature tokens equal to the result.

Knight of the Hokey Pokey

First strike
{1}{W}, Do the Hokey Pokey: Prevent all damage a source of your choice would deal to this creature this turn. (To do the Hokey Pokey, choose an arm, a leg, or your whole self and put it in. Put it out. Put it in. Shake it all about. You do the Hokey Pokey! Turn yourself around.)

Look at Me, I'm R&D

As this enchantment enters, choose a number and a second number one higher or one lower than the first number.
All instances of the first chosen number in the full text of each permanent, spell, and card in any zone are changed to the second chosen number.

Get a Life

Target player and each of that player's teammates exchange life totals.

Hymn of the Wilds

(Start the game with this conspiracy face up in the command zone.)
The first creature spell you cast each turn costs {1} less to cast.
You can't cast instant or sorcery spells.

Seaside Haven

{T}: Add {C}.
{W}{U}, {T}, Sacrifice a Bird: Draw a card.

Multi-Headed

At the beginning of each end step, if you rolled a die this turn,
Augment {4}{G} ({4}{G}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Applied Aeronautics

Whenever you crank this Contraption, until end of turn, target creature gets +1/+0, gains flying, and becomes an artifact in addition to its other types.

Richard Garfield, Ph.D.

You may play cards as though they were other cards of your choice with the same mana cost. You can't choose the same card twice. (Mana cost includes color.)

Trivia Contest

Visit — An opponent chooses colorless card, creature card, or plane, then mills a card. You have ten seconds to name something from the chosen category that starts with the same letter as the milled card. If you do, claim the prize!
Prize — You get {TK}{TK}{TK}, then you may put a sticker on a nonland permanent you own. Sacrifice Trivia Contest and open an Attraction.

Don't Worry About It

Enchant card in your hand (This Aura remains on the battlefield. If you play enchanted card or it otherwise leaves your hand, put this Aura into the graveyard.)
Enchanted card costs {1} less to cast.
When you cast enchanted card, copy it.

T.A.P.P.E.R.

{T}, Tap an untapped creature you control that has a hat: Tap target creature.

Big Winner

This creature has trample as long as you control a stickered permanent.

Spinny Ride

Visit — Tap target creature an opponent controls.

Neural Network

Whenever you crank this Contraption, gain control of target creature an opponent controls with power less than or equal to the number of creature cards in its controller's graveyard until end of turn. Untap that creature. It gains haste until end of turn.

Ambiguity

Whenever a player plays a spell that counters a spell that has been played or a player plays a spell that comes into play with counters, that player may counter the next spell played or put an additional counter on a permanent that has already been played, but not countered.

Tainted Monkey

{T}: Choose a word. Target player mills a card. If a card with the chosen word in its text box was milled this way, they lose 3 life.

Buzzing Whack-a-Doodle

As this artifact enters, you and an opponent each secretly choose Whack or Doodle. Then those choices are revealed. If the choices match, this artifact has that ability. Otherwise, it has Buzz.
• Whack — {T}: Target player loses 2 life.
• Doodle — {T}: You gain 3 life.
• Buzz — {2}, {T}: Draw a card.

Built Bear

Legacy (During deckbuilding, circle any number of the following. You can spend 1 point for free. For every 2 points spent beyond that, increase this card's mana cost by {1}.)
1 point each → Flash; deathtouch; reach; vigilance; or ward {2}
2 points → {T}: Add one mana of any color.
3 points each → +1/+1; or +0/+2
4 points → When this creature enters the battlefield, draw a card.

Bounce Chamber

Visit — Return a creature you don't control with the lowest toughness among creatures you don't control to its owner's hand. (If multiple creatures are tied, choose any one of them.)

Gift Shop

Visit — Choose one that hasn't been chosen.
• Create a 1/1 red Balloon creature token with flying.
• Create a 2/2 pink Teddy Bear creature token.
• Create two Food tokens.
• You get {TK}{TK}{TK}.
• You may put a sticker on a nonland permanent you own.

Clam Session

As this creature enters, choose a word.
At the beginning of your upkeep, you may sing at least six words of a song, at least one of which is the chosen word. If you don't, sacrifice this creature. You can't repeat a song.

Beast in Show

Stone-Cold Basilisk

Whenever this creature blocks or becomes blocked by a creature with fewer letters in its name, destroy that creature at end of combat. (Punctuation and spaces aren't letters.)
Whenever an opponent reads this creature, that player is turned to stone until end of turn. Stoned players can't attack, block, cast spells, or activate abilities.

The Warrior

{T}: Target creature you control gains haste until end of turn.

Storm Crow

Flying (This creature can't be blocked except by creatures with flying or reach.)

Fludge, Gunk Guardian

Whenever Fludge, Gunk Guardian or another Slug, Ooze, Fungus, or Mutant enters the battlefield under your control, each opponent shuffles three Gunk cards into their library. (Gunk is a colorless sorcery card with no mana cost that has cycling {4}.)

Desolate Lighthouse

{T}: Add {C}.
{1}{U}{R}, {T}: Draw a card, then discard a card.

Secret Base

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add one mana of any color. Spend this mana only to cast a spell that shares a watermark with this land.

Organ Harvest

Your team may sacrifice any number of creatures. For each creature sacrificed this way, you add {B}{B}.

Pin Collection

When this Equipment enters, you may put an ability sticker with ticket cost X or less on it without paying that sticker's ticket cost.
Equipped creature gets +1/+1 and has all abilities of ability stickers on this Equipment.
Equip {2}

Cursed Firebreathing Yogurt

{TK}{TK} — Prowess, prowess (Whenever you cast a noncreature spell, this creature gets +1/+1 until end of turn twice.)
{TK}{TK}{TK}{TK}{TK} — {2}, {T}: This permanent deals 2 damage to any target.
{TK}{TK} — 4/2
{TK}{TK}{TK}{TK} — 4/8

Vorthos, Steward of Myth

As Vorthos, Steward of Myth enters, choose a named Magic character.
Each spell you cast with the chosen character in its name, flavor text, or art costs {W}{U}{B}{R}{G} less to cast. This effect reduces only the amount of colored mana you pay.

Friarball

Create a 2/2 white Monk creature token.
Coststorm (When you cast this spell, copy it for each different mana value among other spells and lands you've played this turn.)

Gleemox

{T}: Add one mana of any color.
This card is banned.

Your Wish Is My Command

You may cast an instant or sorcery spell from your sideboard. If you cast a modal spell this way, you may choose an additional mode. (A modal spell lets you choose one or more modes from a bulleted list.)

Autograph Book

This artifact enters with a page counter on it for each person who has signed it.
{3}, {T}, Remove a page counter from this artifact: Draw a card.

Impatient Iguana

If Impatient Iguana is in your opening hand and you're not the starting player, you may reveal it. If you do, you become the starting player.
Haste

Heart of a Duelist

You may draw cards from anywhere in your library. (You don't get to look at them or reorder them while doing so.)
When Heart of a Duelist enters the battlefield, draw a card.

Geometric Weird

At the beginning of each end step, you may have Geometric Weird's base power and toughness each become equal to the greatest number of spells and abilities from different sources that were on the stack simultaneously that turn.

Scavenger Hunt

Visit — Choose "a vampire or zombie," "fire, lightning, or an explosion," or "a metallic creature" at random. You have ten seconds to search your library and reveal a card with the chosen item in its art. If you do, claim the prize! Then shuffle.
Prize — You get {TK}{TK}, then you may put a sticker on a nonland permanent you own. Sacrifice Scavenger Hunt and open an Attraction.

Inflation Station

Whenever you crank this Contraption, target creature gets +3/+3 until end of turn.

Deadhead

{0}: Return this card from your graveyard to the battlefield. Activate only if an opponent isn't touching their hand (of cards).

Super-Duper Lost

Put target creature into its owner's library just beneath the top X cards of that library, where X is the number of doors you can see from your seat.

A Girl and Her Dogs

When A Girl and Her Dogs enters the battlefield and at the beginning of your upkeep, create a 1/1 white legendary Dog creature token and name it.
Whenever A Girl and Her Dogs attacks, it gets +1/+1 until end of turn for each legendary creature you control.

Dual Doomsuits

Whenever you crank this Contraption, each time a source you control would deal damage this turn, it deals double that damage instead.

Kumena, Tyrant of Orazca

Tap another untapped Merfolk you control: Kumena can't be blocked this turn.
Tap three untapped Merfolk you control: Draw a card.
Tap five untapped Merfolk you control: Put a +1/+1 counter on each Merfolk you control.

GO TO JAIL

When this enchantment enters, exile target creature an opponent controls until this enchantment leaves the battlefield.
At the beginning of the upkeep of the exiled card's owner, that player rolls two six-sided dice. If they roll doubles, sacrifice this enchantment.

Trial and Error

Whenever Trial and Error is countered or fizzles, you may copy it and choose new targets for the copy.
Trial and Error deals 3 damage to any target.

Spire Phantasm

Reveal this card as you draft it. The next time a player drafts a card from this booster pack, guess that card's name. Then that player reveals the drafted card.
Flying
When this creature enters, if you guessed correctly for a card named Spire Phantasm, draw a card.

Topsy Turvy

The phases of each player's turn are reversed. (The phases are, in reverse order, ending, second main, combat, first main, and beginning.)
As long as there are more than two players in the game, the turn order is reversed.

Proper Laboratory Attire

Equipped creature gets +2/+1 and has protection from die rolls. (Nothing that lets a player roll a die can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to equipped creature.)
Equip {2}

Mary O'Kill

{1}{B/R}: Switch a Killbot or Mary O'Kill in your hand with one on the battlefield. (If a creature is tapped, the switched creature is tapped. The same is true for untapped, attacking, blocking, enchanted, equipped, and targeted. Any counters on a creature are on the switched creature instead.)

Avatar of Slaughter

All creatures have double strike and attack each combat if able.

Half-Shark, Half-

At the beginning of your upkeep,
Augment {5}{U} ({5}{U}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Goblin S.W.A.T. Team

Say "Goblin S.W.A.T. Team": Put a +1/+1 counter on this creature unless an opponent swats the table within five seconds. Activate only once each turn.

Hoisted Hireling

This creature has flying as long as it's being held above the battlefield.

Gorilla Tactics

Create a 2/2 green Gorilla creature token.
When a spell or ability an opponent controls causes you to discard Gorilla Tactics, create two 2/2 green Gorilla creature tokens.

Souvenir T-Shirt

Gear Up, sponsored by Wizards of the Coast — As this Equipment enters, roll two six-sided dice. For each Magic-branded item you're wearing, roll an additional six-sided die. Choose two of those results.
Equipped creature gets +X/+Y, where X is the first chosen result and Y is the second.
Equip {4}

Staying Power

"Until end of turn" and "this turn" effects don't end.

Vile Bile

Whenever a player's skin or fingernail touches this creature, that player loses 2 life.

Baron Von Count

Baron Von Count enters with a doom counter on "5."
Whenever you cast a spell with the indicated numeral in its mana cost, text box, power, or toughness, move the doom counter one numeral to the left.
When the doom counter moves from "1," destroy target player and put that doom counter on "5."

Shellephant

{0}: Choose one. You may activate this ability while Shellephant is in any zone.
• Shellephant has base power and toughness 1/4.
• Shellephant has base power and toughness 3/3.

Emrakul, the Promised End

This spell costs {1} less to cast for each card type among cards in your graveyard.
When you cast this spell, you gain control of target opponent during that player's next turn. After that turn, that player takes an extra turn.
Flying, trample, protection from instants

Incendiary Dissent

Hidden agenda (Start the game with this conspiracy face down in the command zone and secretly choose a card name. You may turn this conspiracy face up any time and reveal that name.)
Creatures you control with the chosen name have "{R}: This creature gets +1/+0 until end of turn."

Monitor Monitor

When this creature enters, open an Attraction. (Put the top card of your Attraction deck onto the battlefield.)
Once each turn, you may pay {1} to reroll one or more dice you rolled.

Bumper Cars

Visit — Target creature must be blocked this turn if able.

Sauté

Squishy Sphinx Ninja

{TK}{TK} — Ward {2} (Whenever this creature becomes the target of a spell or ability an opponent controls, counter it unless that player pays {2}.)
{TK}{TK}{TK}{TK} — Provoke (Whenever this creature attacks, you may have target creature defending player controls untap and block it if able.)
{TK}{TK}{TK} — 5/3
{TK}{TK}{TK}{TK}{TK} — 7/7

Urza's Contact Lenses

This artifact enters tapped.
This artifact doesn't untap during your untap step.
As long as this artifact is untapped, all players play with their hands revealed.
Clap your hands twice: You may tap or untap this artifact.

Symbol Status

Create a 1/1 colorless Expansion-Symbol creature token for each different expansion symbol among permanents you control.

Grabby Tabby

This creature has vigilance as long as you control a stickered permanent.