AWOL

Exile target attacking creature. Then remove it from the game. Then put it into the absolutely-removed-from-the-freaking-game-forever zone.

Kindslaver

{5}, {T}, Sacrifice Kindslaver: A person outside the game controls target player during that player's next turn. Neither player may advise that person until the end of that turn.

Battlefield Forge

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add {R} or {W}. This land deals 1 damage to you.

Jinxed Choker

At the beginning of your end step, target opponent gains control of this artifact and puts a charge counter on it.
At the beginning of your upkeep, this artifact deals damage to you equal to the number of charge counters on it.
{3}: Put a charge counter on this artifact or remove one from it.

Slaying Mantis

Just a second (As long as this spell is on the stack, players can't move permanents.)
This creature enters by being thrown from a distance of at least three feet.
When this creature enters, it fights each creature an opponent controls that it touched as it entered.

Windswept Heath

{T}, Pay 1 life, Sacrifice this land: Search your library for a Forest or Plains card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle.

Steam Vents

({T}: Add {U} or {R}.)
As this land enters, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters tapped.

Mox Lotus

{T}: Add {∞}.
{100}: Add one mana of any color.

Bronze Calendar

Spells you cast cost {1} less to cast.
You must speak in a voice other than your normal voice.
When you speak in your normal voice, sacrifice this artifact.

Frankie Peanuts

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may ask target player a yes-or-no question. If you do, that player answers the question truthfully and abides by that answer if able until end of turn.

Rod of Spanking

{2}, {T}: This artifact deals 1 damage to target player. Then untap this artifact unless that player says "Thank you, sir. May I have another?"

Avatar of Me

This spell costs {1} more to cast for each ten years you've been alive.
Avatar of Me's power is equal to your height in feet and its toughness is equal to your American shoe size. Round to the nearest ½.
Avatar of Me is the color of your eyes.

Animate Library

Enchant your library
Enchanted library is an artifact creature on the battlefield with power and toughness each equal to the number of cards in it. It's still a library.
If enchanted library would leave the battlefield, exile this Aura instead.

The Lord of Pain

Menace
Your opponents can't gain life.
Whenever a player casts their first spell each turn, choose another target player. The Lord of Pain deals damage equal to that spell's mana value to the chosen player.

Mountain

Border Guardian

Whenever you cast a silver-bordered spell, put a +1/+1 counter on this creature.
Whenever you cast a black-bordered spell, this creature can't be blocked this turn.
Whenever you cast a white-bordered spell, this creature gains double strike until end of turn.

Training Center

This land enters tapped unless you have two or more opponents.
{T}: Add {U} or {R}.

Wooded Foothills

{T}, Pay 1 life, Sacrifice this land: Search your library for a Mountain or Forest card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle.

Golos, Tireless Pilgrim

When Golos enters, you may search your library for a land card, put that card onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.
{2}{W}{U}{B}{R}{G}: Exile the top three cards of your library. You may play them this turn without paying their mana costs.

Farewell to Arms

As this enchantment enters, choose a hand attached to an opponent's arm.
When the chosen hand isn't behind its owner's back, sacrifice this enchantment. If you do, that player discards their hand . . . of cards. (The lawyers wouldn't let us do it the other way.)

Sea of Clouds

This land enters tapped unless you have two or more opponents.
{T}: Add {W} or {U}.

Mouth to Mouth

Choose target opponent and target creature they control. You and that player have a breath-holding contest. If you win, you gain control of that creature.

Rejuvenating Springs

This land enters tapped unless you have two or more opponents.
{T}: Add {G} or {U}.

Bountiful Promenade

This land enters tapped unless you have two or more opponents.
{T}: Add {G} or {W}.

Old-Fashioned Vampire

Flying
This creature gets +2/+2 and has deathtouch as long as it's dark outdoors.

Exhume

Each player puts a creature card from their graveyard onto the battlefield.

Share the Spoils

When this enchantment enters and whenever an opponent loses the game, exile the top card of each player's library.
During each player's turn, that player may play a land or cast a spell from among cards exiled with this enchantment, and they may spend mana as though it were mana of any color to cast that spell. When they do, exile the top card of their library.

Tempting Contract

At the beginning of your upkeep, each opponent may create a Treasure token. For each opponent who does, you create a Treasure token.

Ricochet

Whenever a player casts a spell that targets a single player, each player rolls a six-sided die. Change the target of that spell to the player with the lowest result. Reroll to break ties, if necessary.

Vault of Champions

This land enters tapped unless you have two or more opponents.
{T}: Add {W} or {B}.

Volrath's Motion Sensor

Enchant player
As this Aura enters, choose one of enchanted player's hands. That player balances this Aura on the back of that hand.
When this Aura falls off the chosen hand, sacrifice this Aura and enchanted player loses 3 life.

My First Tome

{1}, {T}: Say the flavor text on a card in your hand. Target opponent guesses that card's name. You may reveal that card. If you do and they guessed wrong, you draw a card.

Keeper of the Sacred Word

As this creature enters, choose a word.
Whenever an opponent says the chosen word, this creature gets +3/+3 until end of turn.

Forbidden Orchard

{T}: Add one mana of any color.
Whenever you tap this land for mana, target opponent creates a 1/1 colorless Spirit creature token.

Polluted Delta

{T}, Pay 1 life, Sacrifice this land: Search your library for an Island or Swamp card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle.

Temporal Aperture

{5}, {T}: Shuffle your library, then reveal the top card. Until end of turn, for as long as that card remains on top of your library, play with the top card of your library revealed and you may play that card without paying its mana cost. (If it has X in its mana cost, X is 0.)

Game of Chaos

Flip a coin. If you win the flip, you gain 1 life and target opponent loses 1 life, and you decide whether to flip again. If you lose the flip, you lose 1 life and that opponent gains 1 life, and that player decides whether to flip again. Double the life stakes with each flip.

Autograph Book

This artifact enters with a page counter on it for each person who has signed it.
{3}, {T}, Remove a page counter from this artifact: Draw a card.

B.F.M. (Big Furry Monster)

B.F.M. onto the battlefield. If one B.F.M. card
more creatures.

Ancient Tomb

{T}: Add {C}{C}. This land deals 2 damage to you.

Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil

Flying, first strike, trample
Once each turn, while you're searching your library, you may pay {1}{B}, reveal this card from your library and say "I'm coming, too" If you do, this card deals 2 damage to a player of your choice.

Stone-Cold Basilisk

Whenever this creature blocks or becomes blocked by a creature with fewer letters in its name, destroy that creature at end of combat. (Punctuation and spaces aren't letters.)
Whenever an opponent reads this creature, that player is turned to stone until end of turn. Stoned players can't attack, block, cast spells, or activate abilities.

Elvish House Party

Elvish House Party's power and toughness are each equal to the current hour, using the twelve-hour system.

Ashnod's Coupon

{T}, Sacrifice this artifact: Target player gets you target drink. You pay any costs for the drink.

Toy Boat

Cumulative upkeep—Say "Toy Boat" quickly. (At the beginning of your upkeep, put an age counter on this creature, then sacrifice it unless you say "Toy Boat" once for each age counter on it—without pausing between or fumbling it.)

Handcuffs

As this enchantment enters, choose a player.
When the chosen player's hands aren't touching each other, sacrifice this enchantment and that player sacrifices three permanents.

Guff Rewrites History

For each player, choose target nonenchantment, nonland permanent that player controls. Those permanents' owners shuffle them into their libraries. Each player who controlled one of those permanents exiles cards from the top of their library until they exile a nonland card, then puts the rest on the bottom of their library in a random order. Each player may cast the nonland card they exiled without paying its mana cost.

Question Elemental?

Did you know this creature has flying?
Are you aware that any time you say something that isn't a question, when a player points out this fact first, they gain control of this creature?

Mother of Goons

Whenever a creature an opponent controls dies, sacrifice this creature unless you insult that creature.

Clay Pigeon

Flying
{1}, Throw this creature into the air at least two feet above your head while seated: If you catch this creature with one hand, prevent all damage a source of your choice would deal to you this turn and tap this creature. Otherwise, sacrifice it.

Scalding Tarn

{T}, Pay 1 life, Sacrifice this land: Search your library for an Island or Mountain card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle.

Breeding Pool

({T}: Add {G} or {U}.)
As this land enters, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters tapped.

Forest

First Come, First Served

Each attacking or blocking creature with the lowest collector number among attacking or blocking creatures has first strike.

Psychic Battle

Whenever a player chooses one or more targets, each player reveals the top card of their library. The player who reveals the card with the greatest mana value may change the target or targets. If two or more cards are tied for greatest, the target or targets remain unchanged. Changing targets this way doesn't trigger abilities of permanents named Psychic Battle.

Topsy Turvy

The phases of each player's turn are reversed. (The phases are, in reverse order, ending, second main, combat, first main, and beginning.)
As long as there are more than two players in the game, the turn order is reversed.

Face to Face

You and target opponent play a best two-out-of-three Rock, Paper, Scissors match. If you win, Face to Face deals 5 damage to that player.

Exotic Orchard

{T}: Add one mana of any color that a land an opponent controls could produce.

Hangman

As this creature enters, secretly note a word with six to eight letters.
{1}: Target player who doesn't control this creature guesses the noted word or an unguessed letter in that word. If they guess wrong, put a +1/+1 counter on this creature. Any player may activate this ability.
When a player guesses the noted word or all of its letters, sacrifice this creature.

You must cast both B.F.M. cards to put
leaves the battlefield, sacrifice the other.
B.F.M. can't be blocked except by three or

Tempt with Mayhem

Tempting offer — Choose target instant or sorcery spell. Each opponent may copy that spell and may choose new targets for the copy they control. You copy that spell once plus an additional time for each opponent who copied the spell this way. You may choose new targets for the copies you control.

Godless Shrine

({T}: Add {W} or {B}.)
As this land enters, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters tapped.

Magical Hacker

{U}: Change the text of target spell or permanent by replacing all instances of + with -, and vice versa, until end of turn.

Cheatyface

If Cheatyface is in your hand, you may sneak Cheatyface onto the battlefield. If an opponent catches you right away, that player may exile Cheatyface.
Flying

Sacred Foundry

({T}: Add {R} or {W}.)
As this land enters, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters tapped.

Censorship

As this enchantment enters, choose a word.
Whenever a player says the chosen word, this enchantment deals 2 damage to that player.

Island

Verdant Catacombs

{T}, Pay 1 life, Sacrifice this land: Search your library for a Swamp or Forest card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle.

Temple Garden

({T}: Add {G} or {W}.)
As this land enters, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters tapped.

Plains

Chromatic Lantern

Lands you control have "{T}: Add one mana of any color."
{T}: Add one mana of any color.

Party Crasher

Haste
You can attack with this creature once each combat during each opponent's turn.

Our Market Research Shows That Players Like Really Long Card Names So We Made this Card to Have the Absolute Longest Card Name Ever Elemental

Art rampage 2 (Whenever this creature becomes blocked by a creature, it gets +2/+2 for each creature in the blocker's art beyond the first.)

Infinity Elemental

Prisoner's Dilemma

Each opponent secretly chooses silence or snitch, then the choices are revealed. If each opponent chose silence, Prisoner's Dilemma deals 4 damage to each of them. If each opponent chose snitch, Prisoner's Dilemma deals 8 damage to each of them. Otherwise, Prisoner's Dilemma deals 12 damage to each opponent who chose silence.
Flashback {5}{R}{R}

Flooded Strand

{T}, Pay 1 life, Sacrifice this land: Search your library for a Plains or Island card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle.

Fat Ass

This creature gets +2/+2 and has trample as long as you're eating. (Gum isn't food. We checked.)

Gleemax

You choose all targets for all spells and abilities.

Get a Life

Target player and each of that player's teammates exchange life totals.

Spirit of the Season

When this creature enters, it gains haste if it's summer. Put a +1/+1 counter on it if it's autumn. You gain 5 life if it's winter. If it's spring, search your library for a basic land card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

Morphic Pool

This land enters tapped unless you have two or more opponents.
{T}: Add {U} or {B}.

Gollum, Scheming Guide

Whenever Gollum attacks, look at the top two cards of your library, put them back in any order, then choose land or nonland. An opponent guesses whether the top card of your library is the chosen kind. Reveal that card. If they guessed right, remove Gollum from combat. Otherwise, you draw a card and Gollum can't be blocked this turn.

Orcish Paratroopers

When this creature enters, flip it from a height of at least one foot. Sacrifice this creature unless it turns over completely at least once during the flip and lands face up.

Marsh Flats

{T}, Pay 1 life, Sacrifice this land: Search your library for a Plains or Swamp card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle.

Land Aid '04

Search your library for a basic land card, put that card onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle. If you sang a song the whole time you were searching and shuffling, you may untap that land.

Boomstacker

As this creature enters and whenever it attacks, stack two dice on top of it. (All dice must be stacked vertically, one on top of another.)
This creature gets +1/+1 for each die in its stack.
This creature attacks each combat if able.
When the stack falls, sacrifice this creature.

Perplexing Chimera

Whenever an opponent casts a spell, you may exchange control of this creature and that spell. If you do, you may choose new targets for the spell. (If the spell becomes a permanent, you control that permanent.)

Spire Garden

This land enters tapped unless you have two or more opponents.
{T}: Add {R} or {G}.

Impulsive Maneuvers

Whenever a creature attacks, flip a coin. If you win the flip, the next time that creature would deal combat damage this turn, it deals double that damage instead. If you lose the flip, the next time that creature would deal combat damage this turn, prevent that damage.

Psychic Network

Each player plays with the top card of their library held against their forehead, revealed to each other player.

Misty Rainforest

{T}, Pay 1 life, Sacrifice this land: Search your library for a Forest or Island card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle.

Hurloon Wrangler

Denimwalk (This creature can't be blocked as long as defending player is wearing denim.)

Fellwar Stone

Miss Demeanor

Flying, first strike
At the beginning of each other player's upkeep, you may compliment that player on their game play. If you don't, sacrifice this creature.

Underground River

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add {U} or {B}. This land deals 1 damage to you.

Head to Head

You and target opponent play Seven Questions with the top card of that player's library. If you win, prevent all damage that would be dealt this turn by a source of your choice. (To play Seven Questions, that player looks at the card, then you ask up to six yes-or-no questions about the card that they answer truthfully. You guess the card's name—that's question seven—then the player reveals the card.)

Standing Army

As long as you're standing, this creature has vigilance.

Overgrown Tomb

({T}: Add {B} or {G}.)
As this land enters, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters tapped.

Gonti, Night Minister

Whenever a player casts a spell they don't own, that player creates a Treasure token.
Whenever a creature deals combat damage to one of your opponents, its controller looks at the top card of that opponent's library and exiles it face down. They may play that card for as long as it remains exiled. Mana of any type can be spent to cast a spell this way.

Dumb Ass

At the beginning of your upkeep, flip a coin. If you lose the flip, target opponent chooses whether this creature attacks this turn.

Entirely Normal Armchair

During your turn, if this card is in your hand, you may hide it on the battlefield.
{0}: Return this artifact to its owner's hand. Only your opponents may activate this ability and only if they see this artifact.
{2}, Sacrifice this artifact: Destroy target attacking creature.

Swamp

Karplusan Forest

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add {R} or {G}. This land deals 1 damage to you.

Infernal Spawn of Evil

Flying, first strike
{1}{B}, Reveal this card from your hand, Say "It's coming": This card deals 1 damage to target opponent or planeswalker. Activate only during your upkeep and only once each turn.

Adarkar Wastes

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add {W} or {U}. This land deals 1 damage to you.