Clock of DOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

{4}, {T}: Move the CRANK! counter to your Contraption deck's next sprocket and crank any number of that sprocket's Contraptions.

Mandatory Friendship Shackles

Whenever you crank Mandatory Friendship Shackles, target creature gets -1/-1 until end of turn.

Pet Project

Whenever you crank Pet Project, put target creature card from an opponent's graveyard onto the battlefield under your control.

Enraged Killbot

Entirely Normal Armchair

During your turn, if Entirely Normal Armchair is in your hand, you may hide it on the battlefield.
{0}: Return Entirely Normal Armchair to its owner's hand. Only your opponents may activate this ability and only if they see Entirely Normal Armchair.
{2}, Sacrifice Entirely Normal Armchair: Destroy target attacking creature.

Contraption Cannon

{2}, Sacrifice Contraption Cannon: It deals damage to any target equal to the number of Contraptions you control.

Division Table

Whenever you crank Division Table, target player loses 2 life.

Inhumaniac

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die. On a 3 or 4, put a +1/+1 counter on Inhumaniac. On a 5 or higher, put two +1/+1 counters on it. On a 1, remove all +1/+1 counters from Inhumaniac.

Garbage Elemental

Battle cry (Whenever this creature attacks, each other attacking creature gets +1/+0 until end of turn.)
When Garbage Elemental enters, roll two six-sided dice. Create a number of 1/1 red Goblin creature tokens equal to the difference between those results.

Dirty Rat

When this creature enters, target opponent discards a card.

Gnome-Made Engine

When this creature enters, create a 1/1 colorless Gnome artifact creature token.

Extremely Slow Zombie

Last strike (This creature deals combat damage after creatures without last strike.)

Steam-Powered

{5}:
Augment {4} ({4}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Skull Saucer

Flying
When Skull Saucer enters, destroy target creature and put your head on the table. Sacrifice Skull Saucer when your head stops touching the table.

Feisty Stegosaurus

When this creature enters, roll a six-sided die. This creature deals damage equal to the result to target creature an opponent controls.

Zombified

{4}{B}: Combine Zombified from your graveyard with target host.
{2}{B}, Exile a creature card from your graveyard:
Augment {4}{B} ({4}{B}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

"Rumors of My Death . . ."

{3}{B}, Exile a permanent you control with a League of Dastardly Doom watermark: Return a permanent card with a League of Dastardly Doom watermark from your graveyard to the battlefield.

Everythingamajig

{T}: Add one mana of any color.
{1}, {T}: Say the flavor text on a card in your hand. Target opponent guesses that card's name. You may reveal that card. If you do and your opponent guessed wrong, draw a card.
{8}, {T}: Everythingamajig deals 12 damage to target creature.

Baron Von Count

Baron Von Count enters with a doom counter on "5."
Whenever you cast a spell with the indicated numeral in its mana cost, text box, power, or toughness, move the doom counter one numeral to the left.
When the doom counter moves from "1," destroy target player and put that doom counter on "5."

Curious Killbot

capital offense

target creature gets -x/-x until end of turn, where x is the number of times a capital letter appears in its rules text. (ignore reminder text and flavor text.)

{1}, {T}: Scry 2.
{1}, {T}, Pay 1 life: Create a 0/1 white Goat creature token.
{7}, {T}, Sacrifice Everythingamajig: Choose target player. At the beginning of the next end step, exchange life totals with that player, exchange control of all permanents you and that player control, and exchange cards in your hands, cards in your libraries, and cards in your graveyards.

Stamp of Approval

As Stamp of Approval enters, choose a watermark.
Creatures you control with the chosen watermark get +1/+1.

Mad Science Fair Project

{T}: Roll a six-sided die. On a 3 or lower, target player adds {C}. Otherwise, that player adds one mana of any color they choose.

Target Minotaur

Prowess (Whenever you cast a noncreature spell, this creature gets +1/+1 until end of turn.)

Buzzing Whack-a-Doodle

As Buzzing Whack-a-Doodle enters, you and an opponent each secretly choose Whack or Doodle. Then those choices are revealed. If the choices match, Buzzing Whack-a-Doodle has that ability. Otherwise, it has Buzz.
• Whack — {T}: Target player loses 2 life.
• Doodle — {T}: You gain 3 life.
• Buzz — {2}, {T}: Draw a card.

Modular Monstrosity

Whenever an opponent casts a spell, you have five seconds to choose a keyword you haven't chosen for a card named Modular Monstrosity today that's been printed on a creature card. If you do, Modular Monstrosity gains that ability. Otherwise, Modular Monstrosity loses all keyword abilities.

Common Iguana

When this creature enters, you may discard a card. If you do, draw a card.

Voracious Vacuum

When this creature enters, put a +1/+1 counter on target creature.

Hangman

As Hangman enters, secretly note a word with six to eight letters.
{1}: Target player who doesn't control Hangman guesses the noted word or an unguessed letter in that word. If they guess wrong, put a +1/+1 counter on Hangman. Any player may activate this ability.
When a player guesses the noted word or all of its letters, sacrifice Hangman.

Half-Orc, Half-

Trample
At the beginning of each end step, if an opponent was dealt damage this turn,
Augment {1}{R}{R} ({1}{R}{R}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Unleash (You may have this creature enter with a +1/+1 counter on it. It can't block as long as it has a +1/+1 counter on it.)
Each creature you control with any kind of counter on it has art menace. (They can't be blocked except by creatures with two or more visible figures in their art.)

Steady-Handed Mook

Deathtouch
When Steady-Handed Mook enters, it assembles a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Cascade (When you cast this spell, exile cards from the top of your library until you exile a nonland card that costs less. You may cast it without paying its mana cost. Put the exiled cards on the bottom in a random order.)
When Garbage Elemental enters, roll a six-sided die. Garbage Elemental deals damage equal to the result to target opponent or planeswalker.

Last strike (This creature deals combat damage after creatures without last strike.)
Battalion — Whenever Garbage Elemental and at least two other creatures attack, target creature can't block this turn.

Sundering Fork

Whenever you crank Sundering Fork, destroy target artifact.

Mary O'Kill

{1}{B/R}: Switch a Killbot or Mary O'Kill in your hand with one on the battlefield. (If a creature is tapped, the switched creature is tapped. The same is true for untapped, attacking, blocking, enchanted, equipped, and targeted. Any counters on a creature are on the switched creature instead.)

Painiac

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die. Painiac gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is the result.

It That Gets Left Hanging

When It That Gets Left Hanging enters, ask a person outside the game to high-five you. If they won't, It That Gets Left Hanging gains haste until end of turn.

Sacrifice a land: You gain 2 life.
Sacrifice a creature: Add {C}{C}.
{2}, Discard a card: Search your library for a card that shares a complete word in its name with the name of the discarded card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

The Countdown Is at One

Players play a Magic subgame, starting at 1 life and using their libraries as their decks. For the rest of the main game, if a source would deal damage to a player who didn't win the subgame, it deals double that damage to that player instead.

Bumbling Pangolin

When this creature enters, you may destroy target artifact.

Swamp

Mountain

Delighted Killbot

Infinity Elemental

Secret Base

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add one mana of any color. Spend this mana only to cast a spell that shares a watermark with Secret Base.

Staff of the Letter Magus

As Staff of the Letter Magus enters, choose a consonant other than N, R, S, or T.
Whenever a player casts a spell, you gain 1 life for each time the chosen letter appears in that spell's name.

Steel Squirrel

Whenever you roll a 5 or higher on a die, Steel Squirrel gets +X/+X until end of turn, where X is the result.
{6}: Roll a six-sided die.

Hoisted Hireling

Hoisted Hireling has flying as long as it's being held above the battlefield.

Big Boa Constrictor

When this creature enters, roll a six-sided die. Target opponent loses life equal to the result.

{2}, {T}: Move a counter from one permanent onto another. If the second permanent refers to any kind of counter, the moved counter becomes one of those counters. Otherwise, it becomes a +1/+1 counter.
{3}, {T}: Put a +1/+1 counter on target creature.
{4}, {T}: Proliferate. (Choose any number of permanents and/or players, then give each another counter of each kind already there.)

Stinging Scorpion

When this creature enters, target creature an opponent controls gets -1/-1 until end of turn.

Hazmat Suit (Used)

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +2/+1 and has menace.
Whenever a player's skin or fingernail touches enchanted creature, that player loses 2 life.

Watermarket

{T}: Add {C}{C}. Spend this mana only to cast spells with watermarks.

Just Desserts

Just Desserts deals π damage to target creature. (π is the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter. (It's a smidgen more than 3.))

Jamming Device

Whenever you crank Jamming Device, creatures target player controls get -1/-1 until end of turn.

The Big Idea

{2}{B/R}{B/R}, {T}: Roll a six-sided die. Create a number of 1/1 red Brainiac creature tokens equal to the result.
Tap three untapped Brainiacs you control: The next time you would roll a six-sided die, instead roll two six-sided dice and use the total of those results.

{2}, {T}: Draw a card. Activate only if you have no cards in hand.
{8}, {T}: You gain 10 life.
{4}, {T}, Sacrifice Everythingamajig: You may put a silver-bordered or acorn permanent card from your hand onto the battlefield.

Old-Fashioned Vampire

Flying
Old-Fashioned Vampire gets +2/+2 and has deathtouch as long as it's dark outdoors.

Squirrel-Powered Scheme

Increase the result of each die you roll by 2.

Robo-

At the beginning of each end step, if an artifact entered the battlefield under your control this turn,
Augment {2} ({2}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Snickering Squirrel

You may tap Snickering Squirrel to increase the result of a die any player rolled by 1.

Angelic Rocket

Flying
When this creature enters, you may destroy target nonland permanent.

Sword of Dungeons & Dragons

Equipped creature gets +2/+2 and has protection from Rogues and from Clerics.
Whenever equipped creature deals combat damage to a player, create a 4/4 gold Dragon creature token with flying and roll a d20 (a twenty-sided die). If you roll a 20, repeat this process.
Equip {2}

Summon the Pack

Open a sealed Magic booster pack, reveal the cards, and put all creature cards revealed this way onto the battlefield under your control. They're Zombies in addition to their other types. (Remove those cards from your deck before beginning a new game.)

When Garbage Elemental enters, it assembles a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)
Undying (When this creature dies, if it had no +1/+1 counters on it, return it to the battlefield under its owner's control with a +1/+1 counter on it.)

Neural Network

Whenever you crank Neural Network, gain control of target creature an opponent controls with power less than or equal to the number of creature cards in its controller's graveyard until end of turn. Untap that creature. It gains haste until end of turn.

Guest List

Whenever you crank Guest List, target creature gets -X/-X until end of turn, where X is the number of creature cards in its controller's graveyard.

Dual Doomsuits

Whenever you crank Dual Doomsuits, each time a source you control would deal damage this turn, it deals double that damage instead.

Grusilda, Monster Masher

Combined, enchanted, and equipped creatures you control have menace.
{3}{B}{R}, {T}: Put two target creature cards from graveyards onto the battlefield combined into one creature under your control. (Its power is equal to their total power, its toughness is equal to their total toughness, and it has their names, mana costs, types, text boxes, etc.)

Despondent Killbot

Kindslaver

{5}, {T}, Sacrifice Kindslaver: A person outside the game controls target player during that player's next turn. Neither player may advise that person until the end of that turn.

Lackey Recycler

Whenever you crank Lackey Recycler, put target creature card from your graveyard on top of your library.

{1}: Flip a coin. If you win the flip, add {C}{C}. Activate only as an instant.
{3}, {T}: Target player discards a card. Activate only during your turn.
{X}: Everythingamajig becomes an X/X Construct artifact creature until end of turn.

Handy Dandy Clone Machine

{2}, {T}: Create a 2/2 colorless Homunculus creature token. It must be represented by a unique hand and two fingers at all times, or it ceases to exist.

Lobe Lobber

Equipped creature has "{T}: This creature deals 1 damage to target player or planeswalker. Roll a six-sided die. On a 5 or higher, untap it."
Equip {2}

Super-Duper Death Ray

Trample (This spell can deal excess damage to its target's controller.)
Super-Duper Death Ray deals 4 damage to target creature.

Labro Bot

When this creature enters, return target host card or card with augment from your graveyard to your hand.

Over My Dead Bodies

Creature cards in graveyards can attack and block as though they were on the battlefield, can block or be blocked only by creature cards in graveyards, are Zombies in addition to their other types, and have undeathtouch. (If they would deal damage to a creature card, exile that creature card instead.)
Creature cards in your graveyard have haste.

Ninja

You may activate Ninja's augment ability any time you could cast an instant.
Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player,
Augment {2}{B} ({2}{B}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as—oh, never mind.)