Arcane Signet

{T}: Add one mana of any color in your commander's color identity.

Hungry Hungry Heifer

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may remove a counter from a permanent you control. If you don't, sacrifice this creature.

Handy Dandy Clone Machine

{2}, {T}: Create a 2/2 colorless Homunculus creature token. It must be represented by a unique hand and two fingers at all times, or it ceases to exist.

Who // What // When // Where // Why

Faeburrow Elder

Vigilance
This creature gets +1/+1 for each color among permanents you control.
{T}: For each color among permanents you control, add one mana of that color.

Extremely Slow Zombie

Last strike (This creature deals combat damage after creatures without last strike.)

Replicating Ring

{T}: Add one mana of any color.
At the beginning of your upkeep, put a night counter on this artifact. Then if it has eight or more night counters on it, remove all of them and create eight colorless snow artifact tokens named Replicated Ring with "{T}: Add one mana of any color."

Swamp

Animate Library

Enchant your library
Enchanted library is an artifact creature on the battlefield with power and toughness each equal to the number of cards in it. It's still a library.
If enchanted library would leave the battlefield, exile this Aura instead.

Prismatic Wardrobe

Destroy target nonartifact, nonland permanent that doesn't share a color with clothing worn by its controller.

Fowl Play

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature loses all abilities and is a Bird creature with base power and toughness 1/1.

Cultivate

Search your library for up to two basic land cards, reveal those cards, put one onto the battlefield tapped and the other into your hand, then shuffle.

Buster Sword

Equipped creature gets +3/+2.
Whenever equipped creature deals combat damage to a player, draw a card, then you may cast a spell from your hand with mana value less than or equal to that damage without paying its mana cost.
Equip {2}

Bloom Tender

{T}: For each color among permanents you control, add one mana of that color.

Gray Merchant of Alphabet

When this creature enters, choose a letter. For each creature you control that has the chosen letter in its name, you gain 1 life and each opponent loses 1 life.

Force of Savagery

Common Courtesy

Whenever a player casts a spell without asking your permission while casting it, counter that spell.
When a player asks you permission to cast a spell and you refuse, counter that spell and sacrifice this enchantment.

Rocket-Powered Turbo Slug

Super haste (This may attack the turn before you cast it. (You may put this card from your hand onto the battlefield tapped and attacking during your declare attackers step. If you do, you lose the game at the beginning of your next turn's end step unless you pay this card's mana cost during that turn.))

Working Stiff

As this creature enters, straighten your arms.
When you bend an elbow, sacrifice this creature.

Mountain

Asmoranomardicadaistinaculdacar

As long as you've discarded a card this turn, you may pay {B/R} to cast this spell.
When Asmoranomardicadaistinaculdacar enters, you may search your library for a card named The Underworld Cookbook, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.
Sacrifice two Foods: Target creature deals 6 damage to itself.

Island

AWOL

Exile target attacking creature. Then remove it from the game. Then put it into the absolutely-removed-from-the-freaking-game-forever zone.

Pointy Finger of Doom

{3}, {T}: Spin this artifact in the middle of the table so that it rotates completely at least once, then destroy the closest permanent the finger points to.

Land Aid '04

Search your library for a basic land card, put that card onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle. If you sang a song the whole time you were searching and shuffling, you may untap that land.

Commander's Sphere

{T}: Add one mana of any color in your commander's color identity.
Sacrifice this artifact: Draw a card.

Bronze Calendar

Spells you cast cost {1} less to cast.
You must speak in a voice other than your normal voice.
When you speak in your normal voice, sacrifice this artifact.

Flaccify

Counter target spell unless its controller pays {3}{½}.

Rod of Spanking

{2}, {T}: This artifact deals 1 damage to target player. Then untap this artifact unless that player says "Thank you, sir. May I have another?"

Chivalrous Chevalier

Flying
When this creature enters, return a creature you control to its owner's hand unless you compliment an opponent.

Fellwar Stone

{T}: Add one mana of any color that a land an opponent controls could produce.

Hoisted Hireling

This creature has flying as long as it's being held above the battlefield.

Sole Performer

{T}: Add {T}{T}. Activate only once each turn. (While activating an ability, use {T} rather than tapping the permanent to pay for {T}.)

Handcuffs

As this enchantment enters, choose a player.
When the chosen player's hands aren't touching each other, sacrifice this enchantment and that player sacrifices three permanents.

Goblin Game

Each player hides at least one item, then all players reveal them simultaneously. Each player loses life equal to the number of items they revealed. The player who revealed the fewest items then loses half their life, rounded up. If two or more players are tied for fewest, each loses half their life, rounded up.

Jumbo Cactuar

10,000 Needles — Whenever this creature attacks, it gets +9999/+0 until end of turn.

Sol Ring

Censorship

As this enchantment enters, choose a word.
Whenever a player says the chosen word, this enchantment deals 2 damage to that player.

Topsy Turvy

The phases of each player's turn are reversed. (The phases are, in reverse order, ending, second main, combat, first main, and beginning.)
As long as there are more than two players in the game, the turn order is reversed.

Chromatic Lantern

Lands you control have "{T}: Add one mana of any color."
{T}: Add one mana of any color.

Mirrorweave

Each other creature becomes a copy of target nonlegendary creature until end of turn.

Whenever a creature deals damage to a player, that player may say "Ow" once for each permanent named Ow. If the player doesn't, this enchantment deals 1 damage to them.

Loose Lips

Enchant creature
As this Aura enters, choose a sentence with eight or fewer words.
Enchanted creature has flying.
Whenever enchanted creature deals damage to an opponent, that player may say the chosen sentence. If they don't, you draw two cards.

Treasure Chest

{4}, Sacrifice this artifact: Roll a d20.
1 | Trapped! — You lose 3 life.
2—9 | Create five Treasure tokens.
10—19 | You gain 3 life and draw three cards.
20 | Search your library for a card. If it's an artifact card, you may put it onto the battlefield. Otherwise, put that card into your hand. Then shuffle.

Chimil, the Inner Sun

Spells you control can't be countered.
At the beginning of your end step, discover 5. (Exile cards from the top of your library until you exile a nonland card with mana value 5 or less. Cast it without paying its mana cost or put it into your hand. Put the rest on the bottom in a random order.)

Dumb Ass

At the beginning of your upkeep, flip a coin. If you lose the flip, target opponent chooses whether this creature attacks this turn.

Golos, Tireless Pilgrim

When Golos enters, you may search your library for a land card, put that card onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.
{2}{W}{U}{B}{R}{G}: Exile the top three cards of your library. You may play them this turn without paying their mana costs.

Dissipation Field

Whenever a permanent deals damage to you, return it to its owner's hand.

Ghostly Prison

Creatures can't attack you unless their controller pays {2} for each creature they control that's attacking you.

Cheatyface

If Cheatyface is in your hand, you may sneak Cheatyface onto the battlefield. If an opponent catches you right away, that player may exile Cheatyface.
Flying

Command Tower

Avatar of Me

This spell costs {1} more to cast for each ten years you've been alive.
Avatar of Me's power is equal to your height in feet and its toughness is equal to your American shoe size. Round to the nearest ½.
Avatar of Me is the color of your eyes.

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City of Ass

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add one and one-half mana of any one color.

Giant Fan

{2}, {T}: Move a counter from one permanent onto another. If the second permanent refers to any kind of counter, the moved counter becomes one of those counters. Otherwise, it becomes a +1/+1 counter.

Chromatic Orrery

You may spend mana as though it were mana of any color.
{T}: Add {C}{C}{C}{C}{C}.
{5}, {T}: Draw a card for each color among permanents you control.

Red-Hot Hottie

Whenever this creature deals damage to a creature, put a third-degree-burn counter on that creature. It gains "At the beginning of each end step, sacrifice this creature unless you scream 'Aaah!' at the top of your lungs."

Frazzled Editor

Protection from wordy (Something is wordy if it has four or more lines of rules text.)

Defense of the Heart

At the beginning of your upkeep, if an opponent controls three or more creatures, sacrifice this enchantment, search your library for up to two creature cards, put those cards onto the battlefield, then shuffle.

Shadowspear

Equipped creature gets +1/+1 and has trample and lifelink.
{1}: Permanents your opponents control lose hexproof and indestructible until end of turn.
Equip {2}

Forest

Hurloon Wrangler

Denimwalk (This creature can't be blocked as long as defending player is wearing denim.)

Infinity Elemental

Emcee

Whenever another creature enters, you may stand up and say in a deep, booming voice, "Presenting . . . " and that creature's name. If you do, put a +1/+1 counter on that creature.

Form of the Approach of the Second Sun

When this enchantment enters, you gain 7 life. You become a card until you leave your library or that library is shuffled. Put yourself seventh from the top, balancing the cards on top of you on your head.
When you draw yourself, you win the game.
When one or more cards fall off your head, exile them and all cards on your head, then sacrifice this enchantment.

Chaos Confetti

{4}, {T}: Tear this artifact into pieces. Throw the pieces onto the battlefield from a distance of at least five feet. Destroy each permanent that a piece touches. Remove the pieces from the game.

Plains

Psychic Network

Each player plays with the top card of their library held against their forehead, revealed to each other player.

Split Screen

When this artifact enters, shuffle your library and deal it into four libraries. If anything refers to your library, choose one of your libraries for it.
Play with your libraries' top cards revealed.
When this artifact leaves the battlefield, shuffle your libraries together.