Goblin Secret Agent

First strike
At the beginning of your upkeep, reveal a card from your hand at random.

Boomstacker

As this creature enters and whenever it attacks, stack two dice on top of it. (All dice must be stacked vertically, one on top of another.)
This creature gets +1/+1 for each die in its stack.
This creature attacks each combat if able.
When the stack falls, sacrifice this creature.

Wall of Fortune

Defender
You may tap an untapped Wall you control to have any player reroll a die that player rolled.

Goblin S.W.A.T. Team

Say "Goblin S.W.A.T. Team": Put a +1/+1 counter on this creature unless an opponent swats the table within five seconds. Activate only once each turn.

Punctuate

Punctuate deals damage to target creature equal to half the number of punctuation marks in that creature's text box. (The punctuation marks are ! ? , ; : - — ( ) / " " ' ' & .)

Dumb Ass

At the beginning of your upkeep, flip a coin. If you lose the flip, target opponent chooses whether this creature attacks this turn.

The Big Idea

{2}{B/R}{B/R}, {T}: Roll a six-sided die. Create a number of 1/1 red Brainiac creature tokens equal to the result.
Tap three untapped Brainiacs you control: The next time you would roll a six-sided die, instead roll two six-sided dice and use the total of those results.

Vedalken Squirrel-Whacker

As this creature enters, roll a six-sided die twice. Its base power becomes the first result and its base toughness becomes the second result.
If you would roll one or more six-sided dice, instead roll them and you may exchange one result with this creature's base power or base toughness.

Mother of Goons

Whenever a creature an opponent controls dies, sacrifice this creature unless you insult that creature.

Harmless Offering

Target opponent gains control of target permanent you control.

Bad Ass

Yet Another Aether Vortex

All creatures have haste.
Players play with the top card of their libraries revealed.
Noninstant, nonsorcery cards on top of a library are on the battlefield under their owner's control in addition to being in that library.

Snickering Squirrel

You may tap this creature to increase the result of a die any player rolled by 1.

Animate Library

Enchant your library
Enchanted library is an artifact creature on the battlefield with power and toughness each equal to the number of cards in it. It's still a library.
If enchanted library would leave the battlefield, exile this Aura instead.

Frazzled Editor

Protection from wordy (Something is wordy if it has four or more lines of rules text.)

Chicken Egg

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die. If you roll a 6, sacrifice this creature and create a 4/4 red Giant Bird creature token.

Geyadrone Dihada

Protection from permanents with corruption counters on them
+1: Each opponent loses 2 life and you gain 2 life. Put a corruption counter on up to one other target creature or planeswalker.
−3: Gain control of target creature or planeswalker until end of turn. Untap it and put a corruption counter on it. It gains haste until end of turn.
−7: Gain control of each permanent with a corruption counter on it.

Box of Free-Range Goblins

Roll a six-sided die. Create a number of 1/1 red Goblin creature tokens equal to the result.

Eye to Eye

You and target creature's controller have a staring contest. If you win, destroy that creature.

When Fluffy Bunnies Attack

Target creature gets -X/-X until end of turn, where X is the number of times the letter of your choice appears in that creature's name.

Inhumaniac

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die. On a 3 or 4, put a +1/+1 counter on this creature. On a 5 or higher, put two +1/+1 counters on it. On a 1, remove all +1/+1 counters from this creature.

Sly Spy

Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, roll a six-sided die. That player loses life equal to the result.

Bloodletter

When the names of three or more nonland permanents begin with the same letter, sacrifice this creature. If you do, it deals 2 damage to each creature and each player.

Goblin Tutor

Roll a six-sided die. If you roll a 1, Goblin Tutor has no effect. Otherwise, search your library for the indicated card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.
2 — A card named Goblin Tutor
3 — An enchantment
4 — An artifact
5 — A creature
6 — An instant or sorcery

Painiac

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die. This creature gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is the result.

Cheatyface

If Cheatyface is in your hand, you may sneak Cheatyface onto the battlefield. If an opponent catches you right away, that player may exile Cheatyface.
Flying

Poultrygeist

Flying
Whenever a creature dies, you may roll a six-sided die. If you roll a 1, sacrifice this creature. Otherwise, put a +1/+1 counter on this creature.

Super-Duper Death Ray

Trample (This spell can deal excess damage to its target's controller.)
Super-Duper Death Ray deals 4 damage to target creature.

Infernal Spawn of Evil

Flying, first strike
{1}{B}, Reveal this card from your hand, Say "It's coming": This card deals 1 damage to target opponent or planeswalker. Activate only during your upkeep and only once each turn.

Red-Hot Hottie

Whenever this creature deals damage to a creature, put a third-degree-burn counter on that creature. It gains "At the beginning of each end step, sacrifice this creature unless you scream 'Aaah!' at the top of your lungs."

Baron Von Count

Baron Von Count enters with a doom counter on "5."
Whenever you cast a spell with the indicated numeral in its mana cost, text box, power, or toughness, move the doom counter one numeral to the left.
When the doom counter moves from "1," destroy target player and put that doom counter on "5."

Jumbo Imp

Flying
As this creature enters, roll a six-sided die. This creature enters with a number of +1/+1 counters on it equal to the result.
At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die and put a number of +1/+1 counters on this creature equal to the result.
At the beginning of your end step, roll a six-sided die and remove a number of +1/+1 counters from this creature equal to the result.

Island

Double Header

Flying
When this creature enters, you may return target permanent with a two-word name to its owner's hand.

Grusilda, Monster Masher

Combined, enchanted, and equipped creatures you control have menace.
{3}{B}{R}, {T}: Put two target creature cards from graveyards onto the battlefield combined into one creature under your control. (Its power is equal to their total power, its toughness is equal to their total toughness, and it has their names, mana costs, types, text boxes, etc.)

The Fallen Apart

This creature enters with two arms and two legs.
Whenever damage is dealt to this creature, remove an arm or a leg from it.
This creature can't attack if it has no legs and can't block if it has no arms.

Extremely Slow Zombie

Last strike (This creature deals combat damage after creatures without last strike.)

Animate Graveyard

Enchant your graveyard
Enchanted graveyard is a creature on the battlefield with base power and toughness each equal to the number of cards in it. It has the text boxes of all creature cards in it. It's still a graveyard.
If enchanted graveyard would leave the battlefield, instead exile this Aura.

Avatar of Me

This spell costs {1} more to cast for each ten years you've been alive.
Avatar of Me's power is equal to your height in feet and its toughness is equal to your American shoe size. Round to the nearest ½.
Avatar of Me is the color of your eyes.

Flaccify

Counter target spell unless its controller pays {3}{½}.

Mountain

Krark's Other Thumb

If you would roll a die, instead roll two of those dice and ignore one of those results.

Knife and Death

Just a second (As long as this spell is on the stack, players can't move permanents.)
One at a time, throw ten cards you own from outside the game onto the playing area from a distance of at least three feet (about one meter). For each of those cards, Knife and Death deals 1 damage to each creature or planeswalker you don't control that card is touching. You gain life equal to the damage dealt this way.

Common Courtesy

Whenever a player casts a spell without asking your permission while casting it, counter that spell.
When a player asks you permission to cast a spell and you refuse, counter that spell and sacrifice this enchantment.

Old-Fashioned Vampire

Flying
This creature gets +2/+2 and has deathtouch as long as it's dark outdoors.

Wyll, Blade of Frontiers

If you would roll one or more dice, instead roll that many dice plus one and ignore the lowest roll.
Whenever you roll one or more dice, put a +1/+1 counter on Wyll.
Choose a Background (You can have a Background as a second commander.)

Marchesa, Dealer of Death

Whenever you commit a crime, you may pay {1}. If you do, look at the top two cards of your library. Put one of them into your hand and the other into your graveyard. (Targeting opponents, anything they control, and/or cards in their graveyards is a crime.)

Smart Ass

Whenever this creature attacks, choose a card name. If defending player has no cards with the chosen name in their hand, they may reveal their hand. If they don't reveal their hand, this creature can't be blocked this turn.

Orcish Paratroopers

When this creature enters, flip it from a height of at least one foot. Sacrifice this creature unless it turns over completely at least once during the flip and lands face up.

Swamp

Assquatch

Each other Donkey gets +1½/+1½.
Whenever another Donkey enters, untap target creature and gain control of it until end of turn. That creature gains haste until end of turn.

Rocket-Powered Turbo Slug

Super haste (This may attack the turn before you cast it. (You may put this card from your hand onto the battlefield tapped and attacking during your declare attackers step. If you do, you lose the game at the beginning of your next turn's end step unless you pay this card's mana cost during that turn.))

Three-Headed Goblin

Triple strike (This creature deals first-strike, regular, and last-strike combat damage.)

Sauté

Tainted Monkey

{T}: Choose a word. Target player mills a card. If a card with the chosen word in its text box was milled this way, they lose 3 life.

Command Tower

{T}: Add one mana of any color in your commander's color identity.

Demonic Pact

At the beginning of your upkeep, choose one that hasn't been chosen —
• This enchantment deals 4 damage to any target and you gain 4 life.
• Target opponent discards two cards.
• Draw two cards.
• You lose the game.

Devil K. Nevil

Haste
When Devil K. Nevil enters, jump it over any number of creatures. If it clears those creatures, put that many +1/+1 counters on it. (You can see a jumping demonstration at DevilKNevil.com.)

Chicken à la King

Whenever a 6 is rolled on a six-sided die, put a +1/+1 counter on each Bird. (You may roll dice only when instructed to.)
Tap an untapped Bird you control: Roll a six-sided die. (Like now.)

Don't Try This at Home

If a hot source you control would deal damage to a permanent or player, it deals that much damage plus 1 instead. (Something is hot if it has hot things in its art, like fire or explosions.)
{1}{R}, Sacrifice this enchantment: It deals damage equal to twice the number of hot cards in your graveyard to target creature or planeswalker.

Mons's Goblin Waiters

Spy Eye

Flying
Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, you may draw a card from that player's library.

Clam-I-Am

If you roll a 3 on a six-sided die, you may reroll that die.

Blurry Beeble

Blurry (This creature can be blocked only if defending player was wearing glasses as it was cast.)
Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, you may draw a card. If you do, discard a card.

Split Screen

When this artifact enters, shuffle your library and deal it into four libraries. If anything refers to your library, choose one of your libraries for it.
Play with your libraries' top cards revealed.
When this artifact leaves the battlefield, shuffle your libraries together.

Krazy Kow

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die. If you a roll a 1, sacrifice this creature and it deals 3 damage to each creature and each player.

Loose Lips

Enchant creature
As this Aura enters, choose a sentence with eight or fewer words.
Enchanted creature has flying.
Whenever enchanted creature deals damage to an opponent, that player may say the chosen sentence. If they don't, you draw two cards.