Scooch

Add or subtract 1 from target creature's power, target player's life total, or target die roll's result.
Draw a card.

Inhumaniac

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die. On a 3 or 4, put a +1/+1 counter on this creature. On a 5 or higher, put two +1/+1 counters on it. On a 1, remove all +1/+1 counters from this creature.

Bat-

Flying
At the beginning of each end step, if an opponent lost 3 or more life this turn,
Augment {1}{B} ({1}{B}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Shellephant

{0}: Choose one. You may activate this ability while Shellephant is in any zone.
• Shellephant has base power and toughness 1/4.
• Shellephant has base power and toughness 3/3.

Stinging Scorpion

When this creature enters, target creature an opponent controls gets -1/-1 until end of turn.

Multi-Headed

At the beginning of each end step, if you rolled a die this turn,
Augment {4}{G} ({4}{G}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Willing Test Subject

Reach
Whenever you roll a 4 or higher on a die, put a +1/+1 counter on this creature.
{6}: Roll a six-sided die.

Success!

Target creature gets +2/+2 until end of turn. If it's a host or has augment, it gains lifelink until end of turn.

Robo-

At the beginning of each end step, if an artifact entered the battlefield under your control this turn,
Augment {2} ({2}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Big Boa Constrictor

When this creature enters, roll a six-sided die. Target opponent loses life equal to the result.

Dirty Rat

When this creature enters, target opponent discards a card.

Really Epic Punch

Target creature you control gets +2/+2 if it's a host or has augment. Then it fights target creature you don't control.

Druid of the Sacred Beaker

{T}: Add {G} for each Crossbreed Labs watermark among permanents you control.

Squirrel-Powered Scheme

Increase the result of each die you roll by 2.

Adorable Kitten

When this creature enters, roll a six-sided die. You gain life equal to the result.

Standard Procedure

{1}, Reveal Standard Procedure from your hand: Choose an instant or sorcery card with mana value 3 or less currently legal in the Standard format. Standard Procedure becomes that card until end of turn.

Name Dropping

Gotcha — If an opponent says a word that's in the name of a card in your graveyard, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return that card to your hand.

Socketed Sprocketer

{T}: Uninstall all results from this creature, then roll a six-sided die. Install the result on this creature. (Put the die on this creature.)
You may uninstall a result from this creature to use it for a die you rolled.
Uninstall a 6 from this creature: Draw a card.

Half-Shark, Half-

At the beginning of your upkeep,
Augment {5}{U} ({5}{U}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Surgeon General Commander

Whenever you augment, enchant, or mutate a creature you control, draw a card.
{T}: Add {W}, {U}, {B}, {R}, or {G}.

Ninja

You may activate this card's augment ability any time you could cast an instant.
Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player,
Augment {2}{B} ({2}{B}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as—oh, never mind.)

Temple Garden

({T}: Add {G} or {W}.)
As this land enters, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters tapped.

Voracious Vacuum

When this creature enters, put a +1/+1 counter on target creature.

Breeding Pool

({T}: Add {G} or {U}.)
As this land enters, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters tapped.

Hydradoodle

As this creature enters, roll X six-sided dice. This creature enters with a number of +1/+1 counters on it equal to the total of those results.
Reach, trample

Wild Crocodile

When this creature enters, search your library for a basic land card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

Squirrel Dealer

When this creature enters, ask a person outside the game "Do you like Squirrels?" If they do, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token.

Common Iguana

When this creature enters, you may discard a card. If you do, draw a card.

More or Less

Add or subtract 1 or one from a number or number word on target spell or permanent until end of turn.

Ordinary Pony

When this creature enters, you may exile target non-Horse creature you control that wasn't put onto the battlefield with this ability this turn, then return it to the battlefield under its owner's control.

Clowning Around

Create two 1/1 white Clown Robot artifact creature tokens, then roll a six-sided die. If the result is equal to or less than the number of Robots you control, create a 1/1 white Clown Robot artifact creature token.

Surprise Party

When this enchantment enters, yell "Surprise!" and put onto the battlefield any number of printed Clown Robot tokens that aren't touching each other, that you hid on the battlefield before you cast this enchantment, and that weren't spotted by an opponent before you cast this enchantment.
Robots you control get +1/+0 and have vigilance.

Mad Science Fair Project

{T}: Roll a six-sided die. On a 3 or lower, target player adds {C}. Otherwise, that player adds one mana of any color they choose.

Labro Bot

When this creature enters, return target host card or card with augment from your graveyard to your hand.

Half-Squirrel, Half-

Whenever a nontoken creature enters,
Augment {G} ({G}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Wall of Fortune

Defender
You may tap an untapped Wall you control to have any player reroll a die that player rolled.

Mer Man

When this creature enters, you may draw a card.

Secret Base

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add one mana of any color. Spend this mana only to cast a spell that shares a watermark with this land.

Steam-Powered

{5}:
Augment {4} ({4}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Monkey-

Whenever a nontoken creature you control dies,
Augment {2}{G} ({2}{G}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Feisty Stegosaurus

When this creature enters, roll a six-sided die. This creature deals damage equal to the result to target creature an opponent controls.

Snickering Squirrel

You may tap this creature to increase the result of a die any player rolled by 1.

Teacher's Pet

{2}{W}, Sacrifice this creature: Search your library for a card with augment, combine it with target host you control, then shuffle.

Numbing Jellyfish

When this creature enters, roll a six-sided die. Target player mills X cards, where X is the result.

Godless Shrine

({T}: Add {W} or {B}.)
As this land enters, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters tapped.

Clown Car

When this Vehicle enters, roll X six-sided dice. For each odd result, create a 1/1 white Clown Robot artifact creature token. For each even result, put a +1/+1 counter on this Vehicle.
Crew 2

Gnome-Made Engine

When this creature enters, create a 1/1 colorless Gnome artifact creature token.

Rhino-

Whenever this creature blocks,
Augment {3}{W} ({3}{W}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Overgrown Tomb

({T}: Add {B} or {G}.)
As this land enters, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters tapped.

Island

Clever Combo

Search your library for a host card or a card with augment, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

Krark's Other Thumb

If you would roll a die, instead roll two of those dice and ignore one of those results.

Shaggy Camel

When this creature enters, creatures you control get +1/+1 until end of turn.

Strutting Turkey

When this creature enters,
exile target creature card with mana value 2 or less from your graveyard. If it has augment, combine it with a host you control. Otherwise, put it onto the battlefield.

Entirely Normal Armchair

During your turn, if this card is in your hand, you may hide it on the battlefield.
{0}: Return this artifact to its owner's hand. Only your opponents may activate this ability and only if they see this artifact.
{2}, Sacrifice this artifact: Destroy target attacking creature.

Busted!

Counter target spell unless its controller pays {X}, where X is the number of words in the name with the most words among permanents you control.

Steam Vents

({T}: Add {U} or {R}.)
As this land enters, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters tapped.

Underdome

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add one mana of any color. Spend this mana only to pay Un-costs.

Swamp

Half-Kitten, Half-

Whenever you're dealt damage,
Augment {2}{W} ({2}{W}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Sword of Dungeons & Dragons

Equipped creature gets +2/+2 and has protection from Rogues and from Clerics.
Whenever equipped creature deals combat damage to a player, create a 4/4 gold Dragon creature token with flying and roll a d20 (a twenty-sided die). If you roll a 20, repeat this process.
Equip {2}

Humming-

Flying
Whenever you attack with two or more creatures,
Augment {3}{W} ({3}{W}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Serpentine

Landfall — Whenever a land you control enters,
Augment {2}{G} ({2}{G}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Mother Kangaroo

When this creature enters, roll a six-sided die. Put a number of +1/+1 counters on this creature equal to the result.

Forest

Pietra, Crafter of Clowns

Haste
Robots you control get +1/+1.
{R}{W}, {T}, Tell a joke you haven't told this game to someone outside the game: Create a 1/1 white Clown Robot artifact creature token. If that person laughed, the token gains haste until end of turn.

Jack-in-the-Mox

{T}: Roll a six-sided die. This ability has the indicated effect.
1 — Sacrifice this artifact and you lose 5 life.
2 — Add {W}.
3 — Add {U}.
4 — Add {B}.
5 — Add {R}.
6 — Add {G}.

Steel Squirrel

Whenever you roll a 5 or higher on a die, this creature gets +X/+X until end of turn, where X is the result.
{6}: Roll a six-sided die.

Half-Orc, Half-

Trample
At the beginning of each end step, if an opponent was dealt damage this turn,
Augment {1}{R}{R} ({1}{R}{R}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Dr. Julius Jumblemorph

Dr. Julius Jumblemorph is every creature type (even if this card isn't on the battlefield).
Whenever a host you control enters, you may search your library and/or graveyard for a card with augment and combine it with that host. If you search your library this way, shuffle.

Sacred Foundry

({T}: Add {R} or {W}.)
As this land enters, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters tapped.

Watery Grave

({T}: Add {U} or {B}.)
As this land enters, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters tapped.

Hallowed Fountain

({T}: Add {W} or {U}.)
As this land enters, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters tapped.

Eager Beaver

When this creature enters, you may untap target permanent.

GO TO JAIL

When this enchantment enters, exile target creature an opponent controls until this enchantment leaves the battlefield.
At the beginning of the upkeep of the exiled card's owner, that player rolls two six-sided dice. If they roll doubles, sacrifice this enchantment.

Blood Crypt

({T}: Add {B} or {R}.)
As this land enters, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters tapped.

Mountain

Stomping Ground

({T}: Add {R} or {G}.)
As this land enters, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters tapped.

Zombified

{4}{B}: Combine this card from your graveyard with target host.
{2}{B}, Exile a creature card from your graveyard:
Augment {4}{B} ({4}{B}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Plains

Have

Getting

Don't Have

Jank

Rule Zero

{"ops":[{"insert":"My pod let me play something stupid instead of beating them up with Wilson.\n"}]}