Dispatch Dispensary

Whenever you crank this Contraption, create a 2/2 black Rogue creature token with menace.

Geek Lotus Warrior

{TK}{TK} — {2}: This creature gets +2/+0 until end of turn.
{TK}{TK}{TK}{TK} — Whenever a creature enters under your control, this permanent deals 2 damage to target player.
{TK}{TK} — 4/1
{TK}{TK}{TK} — 3/6

Creature

Mer Man

When this creature enters, you may draw a card.

Goblin Coward Parade

{TK}{TK} — Mentor (Whenever this creature attacks, put a +1/+1 counter on target attacking creature with lesser power.)
{TK}{TK}{TK} — When this permanent leaves the battlefield, you may destroy target creature with power 4 or greater.
{TK}{TK} — 2/3
{TK}{TK}{TK}{TK} — 8/4

Optical Optimizer

Whenever you crank this Contraption, until end of turn, target creature becomes an artifact in addition to its other types and gains "{T}: Draw a card."

Artifact

Sword of Dungeons & Dragons

Equipped creature gets +2/+2 and has protection from Rogues and from Clerics.
Whenever equipped creature deals combat damage to a player, create a 4/4 gold Dragon creature token with flying and roll a d20 (a twenty-sided die). If you roll a 20, repeat this process.
Equip {2}

Blurry Beeble

Blurry (This creature can be blocked only if defending player was wearing glasses as it was cast.)
Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, you may draw a card. If you do, discard a card.

Enchantment

Hazmat Suit (Used)

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +2/+1 and has menace.
Whenever a player's skin or fingernail touches enchanted creature, that player loses 2 life.

Notorious Sliver War

{TK}{TK} — {5}: Creatures you control get +1/+1 until end of turn.
{TK}{TK}{TK} — Protection from creatures with two or more creature types
{TK}{TK} — 3/3
{TK}{TK}{TK}{TK}{TK} — 9/6

Instant

Just Desserts

Just Desserts deals π damage to target creature. (π is the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter. (It's a smidgen more than 3.))

Jack-in-the-Mox

{T}: Roll a six-sided die. This ability has the indicated effect.
1 — Sacrifice this artifact and you lose 5 life.
2 — Add {W}.
3 — Add {U}.
4 — Add {B}.
5 — Add {R}.
6 — Add {G}.

Sorcery

Exit Through the Grift Shop

Yell "Who wants a souvenir?" and announce the name of a nonland card in your graveyard. Each player in an Un-game who can hear you may bid life. You start the bidding at 0. The high bidder loses life equal to the high bid. They copy the card and may cast the copy without paying its mana cost. If you didn't win the bid, you gain life equal to the high bid and create that many Treasure tokens.

Impounding Lot-Bot

When this creature enters, you may say "INCARCERATE!" in a robot voice. If you do, exile another target artifact or enchantment until this creature leaves the battlefield.

Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil

Flying, first strike, trample
Once each turn, while you're searching your library, you may pay {1}{B}, reveal this card from your library and say "I'm coming, too" If you do, this card deals 2 damage to a player of your choice.

Cogmentor

Flying
{4}: Reassemble target Contraption you control. (Move it onto another one of your sprockets.)

Free-Range Chicken

{1}{G}: Roll two six-sided dice. If both results are the same, this creature gets +X/+X until end of turn, where X is that result. If the total of those results is equal to any other total you have rolled this turn for this ability, sacrifice it. (For example, if you roll two 3s, it gets +3/+3. If you roll a 4 and a 2 for this ability later that turn, sacrifice it.)

Leading Performance

Choose two letters. Put a +1/+1 counter on each creature you control whose name begins with either of the chosen letters.

Phyrexian Midway Bamboozle

{TK}{TK} — Whenever this creature attacks, you get {TK}.
{TK}{TK}{TK} — Undying (When this creature dies, if it had no +1/+1 counters on it, return it to the battlefield under its owner's control with a +1/+1 counter on it.)
{TK}{TK} — 4/2
{TK}{TK}{TK}{TK}{TK} — 6/9

Clock of DOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

{4}, {T}: Move the CRANK! counter to your Contraption deck's next sprocket and crank any number of that sprocket's Contraptions.

Snickering Squirrel

You may tap this creature to increase the result of a die any player rolled by 1.

Look at Me, I'm R&D

As this enchantment enters, choose a number and a second number one higher or one lower than the first number.
All instances of the first chosen number in the full text of each permanent, spell, and card in any zone are changed to the second chosen number.

Juggletron

Trample
Whenever this creature attacks, you may put an art sticker on it.
This creature gets +3/+0 for each item in its art that's not touching Juggletron, another item, or the card frame.

A Real Handful

As long as one or more hands are touching this creature, it gets +2/+2.
As long as two or more hands are touching this creature, it has menace.
As long as three or more hands are touching this creature, it has lifelink.

Numbing Jellyfish

When this creature enters, roll a six-sided die. Target player mills X cards, where X is the result.

Target Minotaur

Prowess (Whenever you cast a noncreature spell, this creature gets +1/+1 until end of turn.)

Over My Dead Bodies

Creature cards in graveyards can attack and block as though they were on the battlefield, can block or be blocked only by creature cards in graveyards, are Zombies in addition to their other types, and have undeathtouch. (If they would deal damage to a creature card, exile that creature card instead.)
Creature cards in your graveyard have haste.

Lackey Recycler

Whenever you crank this Contraption, put target creature card from your graveyard on top of your library.

Finders, Keepers

Destroy target creature, then assemble a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Lands

Secret Base

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add one mana of any color. Spend this mana only to cast a spell that shares a watermark with this land.

Gift Horse

Whenever you crank this Contraption, roll two six-sided dice. Create a number of 1/1 red Goblin creature tokens equal to the difference between those results.

Bat-

Flying
At the beginning of each end step, if an opponent lost 3 or more life this turn,
Augment {1}{B} ({1}{B}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Unglued Pea-Brained Dinosaur

{TK}{TK} — {T}: Add {2}. Spend this mana only to cast creature spells.
{TK}{TK}{TK}{TK} — At the beginning of combat on your turn, target noncreature artifact you control becomes a 4/4 artifact creature with flying until end of turn.
{TK}{TK} — 2/4
{TK}{TK}{TK}{TK}{TK} — 8/6

Urza's Dark Cannonball

{TK}{TK} — Exalted, exalted (Whenever a creature you control attacks alone, it gets +1/+1 until end of turn for each instance of exalted among permanents you control.)
{TK}{TK}{TK} — Shadow (This creature can block or be blocked only by creatures with shadow.)
{TK}{TK} — 1/5
{TK}{TK}{TK}{TK} — 7/4

Work a Double

Assemble two Contraptions. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets. Then repeat this process.)

Souvenir T-Shirt

Gear Up, sponsored by Wizards of the Coast — As this Equipment enters, roll two six-sided dice. For each Magic-branded item you're wearing, roll an additional six-sided die. Choose two of those results.
Equipped creature gets +X/+Y, where X is the first chosen result and Y is the second.
Equip {4}

Very Cryptic Command

Choose two —
• Scry 3.
• Create a 2/2 black Rogue creature token with menace.
• Add or subtract 1 or one from a number or number word on target spell or permanent until end of turn.
• Return all artifacts target player controls to their owner's hand.

Knight of the Kitchen Sink

First strike, protection from watermarks (Nothing with a watermark can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to this creature.)

Questionable Cuisine

Return up to two target creature cards from your graveyard to your hand. Create a Food token for each trash can you can see from your seat. (It's an artifact with "{2}, {T}, Sacrifice this token: You gain 3 life.")

Guess Your Fate

Visit — Look at the bottom card of your library, then give a person outside the game a one-word clue not on that card. They guess a word. If their guess appears in that card's name, claim the prize!
Prize — Reveal the card, put it into your hand, then sacrifice this Attraction and open an Attraction.

Ineffable Blessing

As Ineffable Blessing enters, choose a number.
Whenever a creature you control with exactly the chosen number of words in its name enters, draw a card. (Hyphenated words are one word.)

Painiac

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die. This creature gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is the result.

Hammer Helper

Gain control of target creature until end of turn. Untap that creature and roll a six-sided die. Until end of turn, it gains haste and gets +X/+0, where X is the result.

Garbage Elemental

Last strike (This creature deals combat damage after creatures without last strike.)
Battalion — Whenever this creature and at least two other creatures attack, target creature can't block this turn.

Claire D'Loon, Joy Sculptor

When Claire D'Loon, Joy Sculptor enters, for the rest of the game, tokens you own become cards that are still tokens. (They continue to exist after they leave the battlefield.)
{1}{W}{U}, {T}: You may put a token from your graveyard or hand onto the battlefield.

Topsy Turvy

The phases of each player's turn are reversed. (The phases are, in reverse order, ending, second main, combat, first main, and beginning.)
As long as there are more than two players in the game, the turn order is reversed.

Magic Word

Enchant creature
As this Aura enters, choose a word.
Whisper the chosen word: Tap enchanted creature.

Gray Merchant of Alphabet

When this creature enters, choose a letter. For each creature you control that has the chosen letter in its name, you gain 1 life and each opponent loses 1 life.

Voracious Vacuum

When this creature enters, put a +1/+1 counter on target creature.

Katerina of Myra's Marvels

As Katerina of Myra's Marvels enters, choose a letter.
Whenever you cast a spell whose name begins with the chosen letter, create a white 2/2 Cat creature token with flying.
Partner (You can have two commanders if they both have partner.)

It That Gets Left Hanging

When this creature enters, ask a person outside the game to high-five you. If they won't, this creature gains haste until end of turn.

Bronze Calendar

Spells you cast cost {1} less to cast.
You must speak in a voice other than your normal voice.
When you speak in your normal voice, sacrifice this artifact.

Unstable Robot Dragon

{TK}{TK} — {1}: Switch this creature's power and toughness until end of turn.
{TK}{TK}{TK}{TK} — Whenever this creature attacks, it gets +5/+5 until end of turn.
{TK}{TK} — 3/2
{TK}{TK}{TK} — 2/7

Multi-Headed

At the beginning of each end step, if you rolled a die this turn,
Augment {4}{G} ({4}{G}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Slaying Mantis

Just a second (As long as this spell is on the stack, players can't move permanents.)
This creature enters by being thrown from a distance of at least three feet.
When this creature enters, it fights each creature an opponent controls that it touched as it entered.

Urza's Fun House

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add {∞}. Activate only once and only if you control an Urza's Mine, an Urza's Power-Plant, and an Urza's Tower.
{7}, {T}: Head to AskUrza.com and click Urza's Fun House.

Narrow-Minded Baloney Fireworks

{TK}{TK} — Whenever this creature attacks, you gain 2 life.
{TK}{TK}{TK} — Vigilance, reach
{TK}{TK} — 2/4
{TK}{TK}{TK}{TK}{TK} — 7/7

Chivalrous Chevalier

Flying
When this creature enters, return a creature you control to its owner's hand unless you compliment an opponent.

Gnome-Made Engine

When this creature enters, create a 1/1 colorless Gnome artifact creature token.

Socketed Sprocketer

{T}: Uninstall all results from this creature, then roll a six-sided die. Install the result on this creature. (Put the die on this creature.)
You may uninstall a result from this creature to use it for a die you rolled.
Uninstall a 6 from this creature: Draw a card.

Elvish Impersonators

As this creature enters, roll a six-sided die twice. Its base power becomes the first result and its base toughness becomes the second result.

Dictation Quillograph

Whenever you crank this Contraption, until end of turn, target creature gains "Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, you may draw a card. If you do, discard a card."

Really Epic Punch

Target creature you control gets +2/+2 if it's a host or has augment. Then it fights target creature you don't control.

Cascade (When you cast this spell, exile cards from the top of your library until you exile a nonland card that costs less. You may cast it without paying its mana cost. Put the exiled cards on the bottom in a random order.)
When this creature enters, roll a six-sided die. This creature deals damage equal to the result to target opponent or planeswalker.

Carnival Elephant Meteor

{TK}{TK} — Sacrifice this permanent: Draw two cards.
{TK}{TK}{TK} — Whenever this creature attacks, proliferate. (Choose any number of permanents and/or players, then give each another counter of each kind already there.)
{TK}{TK} — 4/1
{TK}{TK}{TK}{TK}{TK} — 8/7

Dart Throw

Visit — Throw a card you own from outside the game onto the playing area from a distance of three feet (about one meter). If that card touches this Attraction, claim the prize!
Prize — Create two 2/2 pink Teddy Bear creature tokens. Sacrifice this Attraction, then open an Attraction.

As Luck Would Have It

Hexproof
Whenever you roll a die, put a number of luck counters on this enchantment equal to the result. Then if there are 100 or more luck counters on this enchantment, you win the game. (Count both rolls if you reroll a die.)

More or Less

Add or subtract 1 or one from a number or number word on target spell or permanent until end of turn.

Killer Cosplay

Whenever this Equipment becomes attached to a creature, choose a creature card name with an identical mana cost. That creature becomes a copy of the card with the chosen name until this Equipment becomes unattached from it.
Equip {3}

Steam-Powered

{5}:
Augment {4} ({4}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)

Druid of the Sacred Beaker

{T}: Add {G} for each Crossbreed Labs watermark among permanents you control.

Selfie Preservation

Search your library for a basic land card and reveal it. If there's a tree in its art, put it onto the battlefield tapped. Otherwise, put it into your hand. Then shuffle.

Goblin Haberdasher

Menace (This creature can't be blocked except by two or more creatures.)
Other creatures you control wearing hats in their art have menace.

Enter the Dungeon

Players play a Magic subgame under the table, starting at 5 life and using their libraries as their decks. The winner searches their library for two cards, puts those cards into their hand, then shuffles.

Hardy of Myra's Marvels

As Hardy of Myra's Marvels enters, choose a number.
Whenever you cast a spell with the chosen number of lines of flavor text, put that many +1/+1 counters on target creature.
Partner (You can have two commanders if both have partner.)

Squid Fire Knight

{TK}{TK} — {T}: The next time target player would roll one or more dice this turn, instead they roll that many dice plus one, then you choose one of those rolls to ignore.
{TK}{TK}{TK} — Protection from odd mana values
{TK}{TK} — 4/1
{TK}{TK}{TK}{TK} — 6/6

Mandatory Friendship Shackles

Whenever you crank this Contraption, target creature gets -1/-1 until end of turn.

Water Gun Balloon Game

As this artifact enters, each player puts a pop! counter on "0."
Whenever a player casts a spell, move that player's pop! counter up one.
Whenever a player's pop! counter hits "5," that player creates a 5/5 pink Giant Teddy Bear creature token and resets all pop! counters to "0."

Paper Tiger

Creatures named Rock Lobster can't attack or block.

Overt Operative

Menace
Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, it assembles a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Tread Mill

Whenever you crank this Contraption, until end of turn, target creature gets +1/+2, gains vigilance, and becomes an artifact in addition to its other types.

Novellamental

Flying
This creature can block only creatures with flying.

Unique Charmed Pants

{TK}{TK} — {T}: Add one mana of any color.
{TK}{TK}{TK} — Whenever this creature attacks, if it's not a Brushwagg, it gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is the number of supertypes, card types, and subtypes it has.
{TK}{TK} — 5/1
{TK}{TK}{TK}{TK} — 4/8

Haberthrasher

Deathtouch
Whenever another creature you control that has a hat enters or a hat sticker is put on a creature you control, each opponent loses 1 life.

Entirely Normal Armchair

During your turn, if this card is in your hand, you may hide it on the battlefield.
{0}: Return this artifact to its owner's hand. Only your opponents may activate this ability and only if they see this artifact.
{2}, Sacrifice this artifact: Destroy target attacking creature.

Crafty Octopus

When this creature enters, this creature assembles a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Alpha Guard

When this creature enters, choose a letter.
{T}: Untap another target permanent whose name starts with the chosen letter.

Weird Angel Flame

{TK}{TK} — Heroic — Whenever you cast a spell that targets this permanent, put two +1/+1 counters on it.
{TK}{TK}{TK} — Protection from even mana values
{TK}{TK} — 2/3
{TK}{TK}{TK}{TK}{TK} — 7/8

Watermarket

{T}: Add {C}{C}. Spend this mana only to cast spells with watermarks.

Ol' Buzzbark

When Ol' Buzzbark enters, roll X six-sided dice onto the battlefield from a height of at least X inches. For each die, put a number of +1/+1 counters equal to the result on each creature you control that die is touching. For each die, Ol' Buzzbark deals damage equal to the result to each creature an opponent controls that die is touching.

The Big Top

{T}: Add one mana of any color that appears on your top. (A top is an outerwear garment worn on the upper body.)

Spy Eye

Flying
Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, you may draw a card from that player's library.

Cursed Firebreathing Yogurt

{TK}{TK} — Prowess, prowess (Whenever you cast a noncreature spell, this creature gets +1/+1 until end of turn twice.)
{TK}{TK}{TK}{TK}{TK} — {2}, {T}: This permanent deals 2 damage to any target.
{TK}{TK} — 4/2
{TK}{TK}{TK}{TK} — 4/8

Oaken Power Suit

Whenever you crank this Contraption, target creature gets +X/+X until end of turn, where X is the greatest power among creatures you control.

Midlife Upgrade

As an additional cost to cast this spell, sacrifice X Contraptions.
Assemble X plus one Contraptions. (To assemble a Contraption, put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Pietra, Crafter of Clowns

Haste
Robots you control get +1/+1.
{R}{W}, {T}, Tell a joke you haven't told this game to someone outside the game: Create a 1/1 white Clown Robot artifact creature token. If that person laughed, the token gains haste until end of turn.

Dogsnail Engine

Whenever you crank this Contraption, target player gains life equal to the greatest power among creatures you control.

Jermane, Pride of the Circus

{G}, {T}: Put two +1/+1 counters on target creature with four or more legs.
{1}{G}{G}, {T}: Until end of turn, all creatures able to block target creature with four or more legs do so.

Widget Contraption

Whenever you crank this Contraption, it assembles a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)