Rod of Spanking

{2}, {T}: Rod of Spanking deals 1 damage to target player. Then untap Rod of Spanking unless that player says "Thank you, sir. May I have another?"

Entirely Normal Armchair

During your turn, if Entirely Normal Armchair is in your hand, you may hide it on the battlefield.
{0}: Return Entirely Normal Armchair to its owner's hand. Only your opponents may activate this ability and only if they see Entirely Normal Armchair.
{2}, Sacrifice Entirely Normal Armchair: Destroy target attacking creature.

Pointy Finger of Doom

{3}, {T}: Spin Pointy Finger of Doom in the middle of the table so that it rotates completely at least once, then destroy the closest permanent the finger points to.

Swamp

Six-y Beast

As Six-y Beast enters, you secretly put six or fewer +1/+1 counters on it, then an opponent guesses the number of counters. If that player guesses right, sacrifice Six-y Beast after it enters.

Command Tower

{T}: Add one mana of any color in your commander's color identity.

Mirage Phalanx

Soulbond (You may pair this creature with another unpaired creature when either enters. They remain paired for as long as you control both of them.)
As long as Mirage Phalanx is paired with another creature, each of those creatures has "At the beginning of combat on your turn, create a token that's a copy of this creature, except it has haste and loses soulbond. Exile it at end of combat."

Faithless Looting

Draw two cards, then discard two cards.
Flashback {2}{R} (You may cast this card from your graveyard for its flashback cost. Then exile it.)

Sol Ring

The Ultimate Nightmare of Wizards of the Coast® Customer Service

The Ultimate Nightmare of Wizards of the Coast® Customer Service deals X damage to each of Y target creatures and Z target players or planeswalkers.

Infinity Elemental

Cathartic Reunion

As an additional cost to cast this spell, discard two cards.
Draw three cards.

Tresserhorn Sinks

Tresserhorn Sinks enters tapped.
{T}: Add {B} or {R}.

Rare-B-Gone

Each player sacrifices all permanents that are rare or mythic rare, then each player reveals their hand and discards all cards that are rare or mythic rare.

Kill! Destroy!

Destroy target nonblack creature.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "kill" or "destroy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Kill! Destroy! from your graveyard to your hand.

Big Boa Constrictor

When this creature enters, roll a six-sided die. Target opponent loses life equal to the result.

Vivid Crag

Vivid Crag enters tapped with two charge counters on it.
{T}: Add {R}.
{T}, Remove a charge counter from Vivid Crag: Add one mana of any color.

Ninja

You may activate Ninja's augment ability any time you could cast an instant.
Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player,
Augment {2}{B} ({2}{B}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as—oh, never mind.)

Zzzyxas's Abyss

At the beginning of your upkeep, destroy all nonland permanents with the first name alphabetically among nonland permanents.

Pygmy Giant

{R}, {T}, Sacrifice a creature: Pygmy Giant deals X damage to target creature, where X is a number in the sacrificed creature's text box.

Vivid Marsh

Vivid Marsh enters tapped with two charge counters on it.
{T}: Add {B}.
{T}, Remove a charge counter from Vivid Marsh: Add one mana of any color.

Booster Tutor

Open a sealed Magic booster pack, reveal the cards, and put one of them into your hand. (Remove that card from your deck before beginning a new game.)

Magus of the Wheel

{1}{R}, {T}, Sacrifice Magus of the Wheel: Each player discards their hand, then draws seven cards.

Hangman

As Hangman enters, secretly note a word with six to eight letters.
{1}: Target player who doesn't control Hangman guesses the noted word or an unguessed letter in that word. If they guess wrong, put a +1/+1 counter on Hangman. Any player may activate this ability.
When a player guesses the noted word or all of its letters, sacrifice Hangman.

Water Gun Balloon Game

As Water Gun Balloon Game enters, each player puts a pop! counter on "0."
Whenever a player casts a spell, move that player's pop! counter up one.
Whenever a player's pop! counter hits "5," that player creates a 5/5 pink Giant Teddy Bear creature token and resets all pop! counters to "0."

Mortivore

Mortivore's power and toughness are each equal to the number of creature cards in all graveyards.
{B}: Regenerate Mortivore. (The next time this creature would be destroyed, instead tap it, remove it from combat, and heal all damage on it.)

Modular Monstrosity

Whenever an opponent casts a spell, you have five seconds to choose a keyword you haven't chosen for a card named Modular Monstrosity today that's been printed on a creature card. If you do, Modular Monstrosity gains that ability. Otherwise, Modular Monstrosity loses all keyword abilities.

Underdome

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add one mana of any color. Spend this mana only to pay Un-costs.

Sire of Insanity

At the beginning of each end step, each player discards their hand.

Change of Fortune

Discard your hand, then draw a card for each card you've discarded this turn.

Bumbling Pangolin

When this creature enters, you may destroy target artifact.

Fleshbag Marauder

When Fleshbag Marauder enters, each player sacrifices a creature.

Ricochet

Whenever a player casts a spell that targets a single player, each player rolls a six-sided die. Change the target of that spell to the player with the lowest result. Reroll to break ties, if necessary.

It That Gets Left Hanging

When It That Gets Left Hanging enters, ask a person outside the game to high-five you. If they won't, It That Gets Left Hanging gains haste until end of turn.

The Countdown Is at One

Players play a Magic subgame, starting at 1 life and using their libraries as their decks. For the rest of the main game, if a source would deal damage to a player who didn't win the subgame, it deals double that damage to that player instead.

Temple of Malice

Temple of Malice enters tapped.
When Temple of Malice enters, scry 1.
{T}: Add {B} or {R}.

Akki Battle Squad

Whenever one or more modified creatures you control attack, untap all modified creatures you control. After this phase, there is an additional combat phase. This ability triggers only once each turn. (Equipment, Auras you control, and counters are modifications.)

Goblin Mime

Anje's Ravager

Anje's Ravager attacks each combat if able.
Whenever Anje's Ravager attacks, discard your hand, then draw three cards.
Madness {1}{R} (If you discard this card, discard it into exile. When you do, cast it for its madness cost or put it into your graveyard.)

Letter Bomb

When Letter Bomb enters, sign it and shuffle it into target player's library. That player reveals each card they draw until they draw Letter Bomb. When that player draws Letter Bomb, it deals 19½ damage to them.

Eye to Eye

You and target creature's controller have a staring contest. If you win, destroy that creature.

Artisan of Kozilek

When you cast this spell, you may return target creature card from your graveyard to the battlefield.
Annihilator 2 (Whenever this creature attacks, defending player sacrifices two permanents.)

Life's Finale

Destroy all creatures, then search target opponent's library for up to three creature cards and put them into their graveyard. Then that player shuffles.

Bloodfell Caves

Bloodfell Caves enters tapped.
When Bloodfell Caves enters, you gain 1 life.
{T}: Add {B} or {R}.

Strategy, Schmategy

Roll a six-sided die. Strategy, Schmategy has the indicated effect.
1 — Do nothing.
2 — Destroy all artifacts.
3 — Destroy all lands.
4 — Strategy, Schmategy deals 3 damage to each creature and each player.
5 — Each player discards their hand and draws seven cards.
6 — Repeat this process two more times.

Kardur, Doomscourge

When Kardur, Doomscourge enters, until your next turn, creatures your opponents control attack each combat if able and attack a player other than you if able.
Whenever an attacking creature dies, each opponent loses 1 life and you gain 1 life.

Mountain

Viscera Seer

Sacrifice a creature: Scry 1. (Look at the top card of your library. You may put that card on the bottom.)

Deadhead

{0}: Return Deadhead from your graveyard to the battlefield. Activate only if an opponent isn't touching their hand (of cards).

Khorvath's Fury

For each player, choose friend or foe. Each friend discards all cards from their hand, then draws that many cards plus one. Khorvath's Fury deals damage to each foe equal to the number of cards in their hand.

Urborg Volcano

Urborg Volcano enters tapped.
{T}: Add {B} or {R}.

Frenzied Saddlebrute

Haste
All creatures can attack your opponents and planeswalkers your opponents control as though those creatures had haste.

Rakdos Carnarium

Rakdos Carnarium enters tapped.
When Rakdos Carnarium enters, return a land you control to its owner's hand.
{T}: Add {B}{R}.

Over My Dead Bodies

Creature cards in graveyards can attack and block as though they were on the battlefield, can block or be blocked only by creature cards in graveyards, are Zombies in addition to their other types, and have undeathtouch. (If they would deal damage to a creature card, exile that creature card instead.)
Creature cards in your graveyard have haste.

Swiftfoot Boots

Equipped creature has hexproof and haste. (It can't be the target of spells or abilities your opponents control.)
Equip {1}

Reliquary Tower

You have no maximum hand size.
{T}: Add {C}.

Skull Saucer

Flying
When Skull Saucer enters, destroy target creature and put your head on the table. Sacrifice Skull Saucer when your head stops touching the table.

Nether Traitor

Haste
Shadow (This creature can block or be blocked by only creatures with shadow.)
Whenever another creature is put into your graveyard from the battlefield, you may pay {B}. If you do, return Nether Traitor from your graveyard to the battlefield.

My First Tome

{1}, {T}: Say the flavor text on a card in your hand. Target opponent guesses that card's name. You may reveal that card. If you do and they guessed wrong, you draw a card.

Archfiend of Depravity

Flying
At the beginning of each opponent's end step, that player chooses up to two creatures they control, then sacrifices the rest.

Deal Damage

Deal Damage deals 4 damage to any target.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "deal" or "damage," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Deal Damage from your graveyard to your hand.

Destroy target creature with reminder text. (Reminder text is any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)

Lightning Greaves

Equipped creature has haste and shroud. (It can't be the target of spells or abilities.)
Equip {0}

Enter the Dungeon

Players play a Magic subgame under the table, starting at 5 life and using their libraries as their decks. The winner searches their library for two cards, puts those cards into their hand, then shuffles.

Buried Alive

Search your library for up to three creature cards, put them into your graveyard, then shuffle.

Hazmat Suit (Used)

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +2/+1 and has menace.
Whenever a player's skin or fingernail touches enchanted creature, that player loses 2 life.

Anger

Haste
As long as Anger is in your graveyard and you control a Mountain, creatures you control have haste.

Dragon Mage

Flying
Whenever Dragon Mage deals combat damage to a player, each player discards their hand, then draws seven cards.

Commander's Sphere

{T}: Add one mana of any color in your commander's color identity.
Sacrifice Commander's Sphere: Draw a card.

Goblin Diplomats

{T}: Each creature attacks this turn if able.

Bloodletter

When the names of three or more nonland permanents begin with the same letter, sacrifice Bloodletter. If you do, it deals 2 damage to each creature and each player.

Sin Prodder

Menace
At the beginning of your upkeep, reveal the top card of your library. Any opponent may have you put that card into your graveyard. If a player does, Sin Prodder deals damage to that player equal to that card's mana value. Otherwise, put that card into your hand.

Grusilda, Monster Masher

Combined, enchanted, and equipped creatures you control have menace.
{3}{B}{R}, {T}: Put two target creature cards from graveyards onto the battlefield combined into one creature under your control. (Its power is equal to their total power, its toughness is equal to their total toughness, and it has their names, mana costs, types, text boxes, etc.)

Yet Another Aether Vortex

All creatures have haste.
Players play with the top card of their libraries revealed.
Noninstant, nonsorcery cards on top of a library are on the battlefield under their owner's control in addition to being in that library.

Mana Screw

{1}: Flip a coin. If you win the flip, add {C}{C}. Activate only as an instant.

Bojuka Bog

Bojuka Bog enters tapped.
When Bojuka Bog enters, exile target player's graveyard.
{T}: Add {B}.

Kheru Mind-Eater

Menace
Whenever Kheru Mind-Eater deals combat damage to a player, that player exiles a card from their hand face down.
You may look at cards exiled with Kheru Mind-Eater, and you may play lands and cast spells from among those cards.

Flamerush Rider

Whenever Flamerush Rider attacks, create a token that's a copy of another target attacking creature and that's tapped and attacking. Exile the token at end of combat.
Dash {2}{R}{R} (You may cast this spell for its dash cost. If you do, it gains haste, and it's returned from the battlefield to its owner's hand at the beginning of the next end step.)

Handcuffs

As Handcuffs enters, choose a player.
When the chosen player's hands aren't touching each other, sacrifice Handcuffs and that player sacrifices three permanents.

Split Screen

When Split Screen enters, shuffle your library and deal it into four libraries. If anything refers to your library, choose one of your libraries for it.
Play with your libraries' top cards revealed.
When Split Screen leaves the battlefield, shuffle your libraries together.