Volrath's Motion Sensor

Enchant player
As Volrath's Motion Sensor enters, choose one of enchanted player's hands. That player balances Volrath's Motion Sensor on the back of that hand.
When Volrath's Motion Sensor falls off the chosen hand, sacrifice Volrath's Motion Sensor and enchanted player loses 3 life.

Mouth to Mouth

Choose target opponent and target creature they control. You and that player have a breath-holding contest. If you win, you gain control of that creature.

Underdome

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add one mana of any color. Spend this mana only to pay Un-costs.

Clam Session

As Clam Session enters, choose a word.
At the beginning of your upkeep, you may sing at least six words of a song, at least one of which is the chosen word. If you don't, sacrifice Clam Session. You can't repeat a song.

Bog Humbugs

Flying
Whenever Bog Humbugs deals combat damage, hum that many notes of a festive song. If you can, put a +1/+1 counter on Bog Humbugs.

Ashnod's Coupon

{T}, Sacrifice Ashnod's Coupon: Target player gets you target drink. You pay any costs for the drink.

Double Take

Choose another player. You draw two cards. At the beginning of the first upkeep in your next game with that player, you draw two cards.

Cogmentor

Flying
{4}: Reassemble target Contraption you control. (Move it onto another one of your sprockets.)

Stop That

Target player discards a card.
Gotcha — If an opponent audibly flicks the cards in their hand, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Stop That from your graveyard to your hand.

Rod of Spanking

{2}, {T}: Rod of Spanking deals 1 damage to target player. Then untap Rod of Spanking unless that player says "Thank you, sir. May I have another?"

Despondent Killbot

Checks and Balances

Cast this spell only if there are three or more players in the game.
Whenever a player casts a spell, each of that player's opponents may discard a card. If they do, counter that spell.

_____

{1}: This card's name becomes the card name of your choice. Activate anywhere, anytime.

Sorry

Before any player casts a spell with the same name as a card in any graveyard, that player may say "sorry." If they don't, any other player may say "sorry" as the spell is being cast. When another player says "sorry" this way, counter the spell.
Whenever a player says "sorry" at any other time, Sorry deals 2 damage to that player.

Krark's Other Thumb

If you would roll a die, instead roll two of those dice and ignore one of those results.

Denied!

Choose a card name, then target spell's controller reveals their hand. If a card with the chosen name is revealed this way, counter that spell.

Zzzyxas's Abyss

At the beginning of your upkeep, destroy all nonland permanents with the first name alphabetically among nonland permanents.

Flaccify

Counter target spell unless its controller pays {3}{½}.

Clocknapper

When Clocknapper enters, choose beginning phase, first main phase, combat phase, postcombat main phase, or ending phase. Steal that phase from target player during their next turn. (That phase occurs as though it's your turn instead.)

Lobe Lobber

Equipped creature has "{T}: This creature deals 1 damage to target player or planeswalker. Roll a six-sided die. On a 5 or higher, untap it."
Equip {2}

Bureaucracy

Pursuant to subsection 3.1(4) of Richard's Rules of Order, at the beginning of the upkeep of each participant in this game of the Magic: The Gathering® trading card game (hereafter known as "PLAYER"), that PLAYER performs all actions in the sequence of previously added actions (hereafter known as "ACTION QUEUE"), in the order those actions were added, then adds another action to the end of the ACTION QUEUE. All actions must be simple physical or verbal actions that a player can perform while sitting in a chair, without jeopardizing the health and security of said PLAYER.
When any PLAYER does not perform all the prescribed actions in the correct order, sacrifice Bureaucracy and said PLAYER discards their complement of cards in hand (hereafter known as "HAND").

Island

Hangman

As Hangman enters, secretly note a word with six to eight letters.
{1}: Target player who doesn't control Hangman guesses the noted word or an unguessed letter in that word. If they guess wrong, put a +1/+1 counter on Hangman. Any player may activate this ability.
When a player guesses the noted word or all of its letters, sacrifice Hangman.

Eye to Eye

You and target creature's controller have a staring contest. If you win, destroy that creature.

Cheatyface

If Cheatyface is in your hand, you may sneak Cheatyface onto the battlefield. If an opponent catches you right away, that player may exile Cheatyface.
Flying

Everythingamajig

{T}: Add one mana of any color.
{1}, {T}: Say the flavor text on a card in your hand. Target opponent guesses that card's name. You may reveal that card. If you do and your opponent guessed wrong, draw a card.
{8}, {T}: Everythingamajig deals 12 damage to target creature.

Psychic Network

Each player plays with the top card of their library held against their forehead, revealed to each other player.

Inhumaniac

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die. On a 3 or 4, put a +1/+1 counter on Inhumaniac. On a 5 or higher, put two +1/+1 counters on it. On a 1, remove all +1/+1 counters from Inhumaniac.

S.N.E.A.K. Dispatcher

{2}{U}, {T}: Look at the top card of target player's library. If it has an Agents of S.N.E.A.K. watermark, you may reveal it and put it into your hand. Otherwise, put it on your choice of the top or bottom of its owner's library.

Bad Ass

Enraged Killbot

Swamp

Deadhead

{0}: Return Deadhead from your graveyard to the battlefield. Activate only if an opponent isn't touching their hand (of cards).

Letter Bomb

When Letter Bomb enters, sign it and shuffle it into target player's library. That player reveals each card they draw until they draw Letter Bomb. When that player draws Letter Bomb, it deals 19½ damage to them.

Wet Willie of the Damned

Wet Willie of the Damned deals 2½ damage to any target and you gain 2½ life.

Curious Killbot

Animate Library

Enchant your library
Enchanted library is an artifact creature on the battlefield with power and toughness each equal to the number of cards in it. It's still a library.
If enchanted library would leave the battlefield, exile Animate Library instead.

Phoebe, Head of S.N.E.A.K.

Phoebe, Head of S.N.E.A.K. can't be blocked by creatures with flavor text.
{2}{U}{B}: Phoebe permanently steals target creature's text box. (That creature loses all rules text, flavor text, and watermarks. This creature gains them.)

Novellamental

Flying
Novellamental can block only creatures with flying.

Avatar of Me

This spell costs {1} more to cast for each ten years you've been alive.
Avatar of Me's power is equal to your height in feet and its toughness is equal to your American shoe size. Round to the nearest ½.
Avatar of Me is the color of your eyes.

Poultrygeist

Flying
Whenever a creature dies, you may roll a six-sided die. If you roll a 1, sacrifice Poultrygeist. Otherwise, put a +1/+1 counter on Poultrygeist.

Some Disassembly Required

{B}, Sacrifice a creature: Distribute the sacrificed creature's keyword abilities among any number of other target creatures until end of turn. If it's December, you gain 1 life for each of those keywords.

Farewell to Arms

As Farewell to Arms enters, choose a hand attached to an opponent's arm.
When the chosen hand isn't behind its owner's back, sacrifice Farewell to Arms. If you do, that player discards their hand . . . of cards. (The lawyers wouldn't let us do it the other way.)

Mother of Goons

Whenever a creature an opponent controls dies, sacrifice Mother of Goons unless you insult that creature.

Extremely Slow Zombie

Last strike (This creature deals combat damage after creatures without last strike.)

Pointy Finger of Doom

{3}, {T}: Spin Pointy Finger of Doom in the middle of the table so that it rotates completely at least once, then destroy the closest permanent the finger points to.

Destroy target creature with reminder text. (Reminder text is any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)

Delighted Killbot

Sly Spy

Whenever Sly Spy deals combat damage to a player, that player reveals the top card of their library. Put that card into your hand and you lose life equal to its mana value.

Whenever a creature deals damage to a player, that player may say "Ow" once for each permanent named Ow. If the player doesn't, Ow deals 1 damage to them.

Vile Bile

Whenever a player's skin or fingernail touches Vile Bile, that player loses 2 life.

Last-Minute Chopping

Ask target opponent if they remembered to get you a present. If they say yes, they put a card they own from outside the game into your hand. Otherwise, you gain control of target permanent they control.

City of Ass

City of Ass enters tapped.
{T}: Add one and one-half mana of any one color.

Hoisted Hireling

Hoisted Hireling has flying as long as it's being held above the battlefield.

Loose Lips

Enchant creature
As Loose Lips enters, choose a sentence with eight or fewer words.
Enchanted creature has flying.
Whenever enchanted creature deals damage to an opponent, that player may say the chosen sentence. If they don't, you draw two cards.

Number Crunch

Return target permanent to its owner's hand.
Gotcha — If an opponent says a number, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Number Crunch from your graveyard to your hand.

Blurry Beeble

Blurry (This creature can be blocked only if defending player was wearing glasses as it was cast.)
Whenever Blurry Beeble deals combat damage to a player, you may draw a card. If you do, discard a card.

Over My Dead Bodies

Creature cards in graveyards can attack and block as though they were on the battlefield, can block or be blocked only by creature cards in graveyards, are Zombies in addition to their other types, and have undeathtouch. (If they would deal damage to a creature card, exile that creature card instead.)
Creature cards in your graveyard have haste.

Common Courtesy

Whenever a player casts a spell without asking your permission while casting it, counter that spell.
When a player asks you permission to cast a spell and you refuse, counter that spell and sacrifice Common Courtesy.

Thopter Pie Network

At the beginning of your upkeep, if you're eating, create a 1/1 colorless Thopter artifact creature token with flying. Use food to represent the token.
Whenever a creature token you control dies, if it's represented by food, eat it.

Proper Laboratory Attire

Equipped creature gets +2/+1 and has protection from die rolls. (Nothing that lets a player roll a die can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to equipped creature.)
Equip {2}

Hazmat Suit (Used)

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +2/+1 and has menace.
Whenever a player's skin or fingernail touches enchanted creature, that player loses 2 life.

Clay Pigeon

Flying
{1}, Throw Clay Pigeon into the air at least two feet above your head while seated: If you catch Clay Pigeon with one hand, prevent all damage a source of your choice would deal to you this turn and tap Clay Pigeon. Otherwise, sacrifice it.

Magical Hacker

{U}: Change the text of target spell or permanent by replacing all instances of + with -, and vice versa, until end of turn.

Dirty Rat

When this creature enters, target opponent discards a card.

Now I Know My ABC's

At the beginning of your upkeep, if you control permanents with names that include all twenty-six letters of the English alphabet, you win the game.