Curse of Verbosity

Enchant player
Whenever enchanted player is attacked, you draw a card. Each opponent attacking that player does the same.

Landfill

Choose a land type. Exile all lands you control of that type. Drop those cards, one at a time, onto the playing area from a height of at least one foot. Destroy each permanent completely covered by those cards. Then return the cards you dropped to the battlefield tapped.

Stocking Tiger

Stocking Tiger enters with a sealed Magic booster pack under it.
When Stocking Tiger deals combat damage to a player, unwrap the booster pack and put it into your hand.

Walking Archive

Defender (This creature can't attack.)
Walking Archive enters with a +1/+1 counter on it.
At the beginning of each player's upkeep, that player draws a card for each +1/+1 counter on Walking Archive.
{2}{W}{U}: Put a +1/+1 counter on Walking Archive.

Falling Star

Flip Falling Star onto the playing area from a height of at least one foot. Falling Star deals 3 damage to each creature it lands on. Tap all creatures dealt damage by Falling Star. If Falling Star doesn't turn completely over at least once during the flip, it has no effect.

Miss Demeanor

Flying, first strike
At the beginning of each other player's upkeep, you may compliment that player on their game play. If you don't, sacrifice Miss Demeanor.

Alpine Meadow

({T}: Add {R} or {W}.)
Alpine Meadow enters tapped.

Brand

Gain control of all permanents you own. (This effect lasts indefinitely.)
Cycling {2} ({2}, Discard this card: Draw a card.)

I'm Rubber, You're Glue

When you speak in non-rhyming sentences, sacrifice I'm Rubber, You're Glue.
Say "I'm rubber, you're glue. Everything bounces off me and sticks to you": Change the target of target spell or ability that targets only you.

Decanter of Endless Water

You have no maximum hand size.
{T}: Add one mana of any color.

Smothering Tithe

Whenever an opponent draws a card, that player may pay {2}. If the player doesn't, you create a Treasure token. (It's an artifact with "{T}, Sacrifice this artifact: Add one mana of any color.")

Thought Vessel

You have no maximum hand size.
{T}: Add {C}.

Form of the Approach of the Second Sun

When this enchantment enters, you gain 7 life. You become a card until you leave your library or that library is shuffled. Put yourself seventh from the top, balancing the cards on top of you on your head.
When you draw yourself, you win the game.
When one or more cards fall off your head, exile them and all cards on your head, then sacrifice this enchantment.

Mind Stone

{T}: Add {C}.
{1}, {T}, Sacrifice Mind Stone: Draw a card.

Chromatic Lantern

Lands you control have "{T}: Add one mana of any color."
{T}: Add one mana of any color.

Loose Lips

Enchant creature
As Loose Lips enters, choose a sentence with eight or fewer words.
Enchanted creature has flying.
Whenever enchanted creature deals damage to an opponent, that player may say the chosen sentence. If they don't, you draw two cards.

Command Tower

{T}: Add one mana of any color in your commander's color identity.

Paradox Haze

Enchant player
At the beginning of enchanted player's first upkeep each turn, that player gets an additional upkeep step after this step.

Ghostly Prison

Creatures can't attack you unless their controller pays {2} for each creature they control that's attacking you.

Oath of Lieges

At the beginning of each player's upkeep, that player chooses target player who controls more lands than they do and is their opponent. The first player may search their library for a basic land card, put that card onto the battlefield, then shuffle.

Emcee

Whenever another creature enters, you may stand up and say in a deep, booming voice, "Presenting . . . " and that creature's name. If you do, put a +1/+1 counter on that creature.

Red-Hot Hottie

Whenever Red-Hot Hottie deals damage to a creature, put a third-degree-burn counter on that creature. It gains "At the beginning of each end step, sacrifice this creature unless you scream 'Aaah!' at the top of your lungs."

AWOL

Exile target attacking creature. Then remove it from the game. Then put it into the absolutely-removed-from-the-freaking-game-forever zone.

Mystic Remora

Cumulative upkeep {1} (At the beginning of your upkeep, put an age counter on this permanent, then sacrifice it unless you pay its upkeep cost for each age counter on it.)
Whenever an opponent casts a noncreature spell, you may draw a card unless that player pays {4}.

Devil K. Nevil

Haste
When Devil K. Nevil enters, jump it over any number of creatures. If it clears those creatures, put that many +1/+1 counters on it. (You can see a jumping demonstration at DevilKNevil.com.)

Orcish Paratroopers

When Orcish Paratroopers enters, flip it from a height of at least one foot. Sacrifice Orcish Paratroopers unless it turns over completely at least once during the flip and lands face up.

Animate Library

Enchant your library
Enchanted library is an artifact creature on the battlefield with power and toughness each equal to the number of cards in it. It's still a library.
If enchanted library would leave the battlefield, exile Animate Library instead.

Bronze Calendar

Spells you cast cost {1} less to cast.
You must speak in a voice other than your normal voice.
When you speak in your normal voice, sacrifice Bronze Calendar.

Clam Session

As Clam Session enters, choose a word.
At the beginning of your upkeep, you may sing at least six words of a song, at least one of which is the chosen word. If you don't, sacrifice Clam Session. You can't repeat a song.

Glacial Floodplain

({T}: Add {W} or {U}.)
Glacial Floodplain enters tapped.

Goblin Sleigh Ride

Target creature you control climbs into Goblin Sleigh Ride. You slide them on their merry way. If the creature stayed on, it deals damage equal to its toughness to each other creature touched during the slide.

Mistveil Plains

({T}: Add {W}.)
Mistveil Plains enters tapped.
{W}, {T}: Put target card from your graveyard on the bottom of your library. Activate only if you control two or more white permanents.

Coveted Jewel

When Coveted Jewel enters, draw three cards.
{T}: Add three mana of any one color.
Whenever one or more creatures an opponent controls attack you and aren't blocked, that player draws three cards and gains control of Coveted Jewel. Untap it.

Exchange of Words

When Exchange of Words enters, choose two target creatures. For as long as Exchange of Words remains on the battlefield, exchange the text boxes of those creatures.

Cardpecker

Flying
Gotcha — If an opponent touches the table with their hand, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Cardpecker from your graveyard to your hand.

Sol Ring

Rod of Spanking

{2}, {T}: Rod of Spanking deals 1 damage to target player. Then untap Rod of Spanking unless that player says "Thank you, sir. May I have another?"

Snow-Covered Mountain

Bag Check

Counter target spell, then ask a person outside the game if that spell looks dangerous to them. If they say yes, draw a card, then discard a card.

Zedruu the Greathearted

At the beginning of your upkeep, you gain X life and draw X cards, where X is the number of permanents you own that your opponents control.
{U}{R}{W}: Target opponent gains control of target permanent you control.

Mesa Chicken

Stand up, Flap your arms, Cluck like a chicken: Mesa Chicken gains flying until end of turn.

Exotic Orchard

{T}: Add one mana of any color that a land an opponent controls could produce.

Toy Boat

Cumulative upkeep—Say "Toy Boat" quickly. (At the beginning of your upkeep, put an age counter on Toy Boat, then sacrifice it unless you say "Toy Boat" once for each age counter on it—without pausing between or fumbling it.)

Vedalken Orrery

You may cast spells as though they had flash.

Wedding Ring

When Wedding Ring enters, if it was cast, target opponent creates a token that's a copy of it.
Whenever an opponent who controls an artifact named Wedding Ring draws a card during their turn, you draw a card.
Whenever an opponent who controls an artifact named Wedding Ring gains life during their turn, you gain that much life.

Snow-Covered Island

Puca's Mischief

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may exchange control of target nonland permanent you control and target nonland permanent an opponent controls with equal or lesser mana value.

Arcane Signet

Face to Face

You and target opponent play a best two-out-of-three Rock, Paper, Scissors match. If you win, Face to Face deals 5 damage to that player.

Question Elemental?

Did you know this creature has flying?
Are you aware that any time you say something that isn't a question, when a player points out this fact first, they gain control of Question Elemental?

Thieves' Auction

Exile all nontoken permanents. Starting with you, each player chooses one of the exiled cards and puts it onto the battlefield tapped under their control. Repeat this process until all cards exiled this way have been chosen.

Esper Sentinel

Whenever an opponent casts their first noncreature spell each turn, draw a card unless that player pays {X}, where X is Esper Sentinel's power.

Island Sanctuary

If you would draw a card during your draw step, instead you may skip that draw. If you do, until your next turn, you can't be attacked except by creatures with flying and/or islandwalk.

Pointy Finger of Doom

{3}, {T}: Spin Pointy Finger of Doom in the middle of the table so that it rotates completely at least once, then destroy the closest permanent the finger points to.

Volatile Fjord

({T}: Add {U} or {R}.)
Volatile Fjord enters tapped.

Solemn Simulacrum

When this creature enters, you may search your library for a basic land card, put that card onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.
When this creature dies, you may draw a card.

Flavor Judge

{T}: Choose target spell or ability that targets a permanent you control. Then ask a person outside the game if the story of what will happen makes sense. If they say no, sacrifice Flavor Judge and counter that spell or ability.

Snow-Covered Plains

Windfall

Each player discards their hand, then draws cards equal to the greatest number of cards a player discarded this way.

Chaos Orb

{1}, {T}: If Chaos Orb is on the battlefield, flip Chaos Orb onto the battlefield from a height of at least one foot. If Chaos Orb turns over completely at least once during the flip, destroy all nontoken permanents it touches. Then destroy Chaos Orb.

Raugrin Triome

({T}: Add {U}, {R}, or {W}.)
Raugrin Triome enters tapped.
Cycling {3} ({3}, Discard this card: Draw a card.)

Ian Malcolm, Chaotician

Whenever a player draws their second card each turn, that player exiles the top card of their library.
During each player's turn, that player may cast a spell from among the cards they don't own exiled with Ian Malcolm, Chaotician, and mana of any type can be spent to cast it.

Charm School

As Charm School enters, choose a color and balance Charm School on your head.
Prevent all damage that would be dealt to you by sources of the chosen color.
When Charm School falls off your head, sacrifice Charm School.

Humble Defector

{T}: Draw two cards. Target opponent gains control of Humble Defector. Activate only during your turn.

Yes Man, Personal Securitron

{T}: Target opponent gains control of Yes Man, Personal Securitron. When they do, you draw two cards and put a quest counter on Yes Man. Activate only during your turn.
Wild Card — When Yes Man leaves the battlefield, its owner creates a tapped 1/1 white Soldier creature token for each quest counter on it.

Mystic Monastery

Mystic Monastery enters tapped.
{T}: Add {U}, {R}, or {W}.

Path to Exile

Exile target creature. Its controller may search their library for a basic land card, put that card onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.

Goblin S.W.A.T. Team

Say "Goblin S.W.A.T. Team": Put a +1/+1 counter on Goblin S.W.A.T. Team unless an opponent swats the table within five seconds. Activate only once each turn.

Frankie Peanuts

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may ask target player a yes-or-no question. If you do, that player answers the question truthfully and abides by that answer if able until end of turn.

Swiftfoot Boots

Equipped creature has hexproof and haste. (It can't be the target of spells or abilities your opponents control. It can attack and {T} no matter when it came under your control.)
Equip {1} ({1}: Attach to target creature you control. Equip only as a sorcery.)

Mouth to Mouth

Choose target opponent and target creature they control. You and that player have a breath-holding contest. If you win, you gain control of that creature.

Clay Pigeon

Flying
{1}, Throw Clay Pigeon into the air at least two feet above your head while seated: If you catch Clay Pigeon with one hand, prevent all damage a source of your choice would deal to you this turn and tap Clay Pigeon. Otherwise, sacrifice it.

Reliquary Tower

Knight of the Hokey Pokey

First strike
{1}{W}, Do the Hokey Pokey: Prevent all damage a source of your choice would deal to Knight of the Hokey Pokey this turn. (To do the Hokey Pokey, choose an arm, a leg, or your whole self and put it in. Put it out. Put it in. Shake it all about. You do the Hokey Pokey! Turn yourself around.)

Rainbow Vale

{T}: Add one mana of any color. An opponent gains control of Rainbow Vale at the beginning of the next end step.

Space Beleren

Space sculptor (Space Beleren divides the battlefield into alpha, beta, and gamma sectors. If a creature isn't assigned to a sector, its controller assigns it to one. Opponents assign first.)
+1: Creatures in each sector can be blocked this turn only by creatures in the same sector.
−1: Put a +1/+1 counter on each creature in the sector of your choice.
−5: Destroy all creatures in the sector of your choice.

Propaganda

Jalum Grifter

{1}{R}, {T}: Shuffle Jalum Grifter and two lands you control face down. Target opponent chooses one of those cards. Turn the cards face up. If they chose Jalum Grifter, sacrifice it. Otherwise, destroy target permanent.

Lightning Greaves

Equipped creature has haste and shroud. (It can't be the target of spells or abilities.)
Equip {0}

Topdeck the Halls

Decorated cards in your hand have miracle {S}. (Decorated cards include premiums, promos, and cards with alternate frames or art.)
At the beginning of your upkeep, if you control twelve or more decorated permanents, you win the game.