Guff Rewrites History

For each player, choose target nonenchantment, nonland permanent that player controls. Those permanents' owners shuffle them into their libraries. Each player who controlled one of those permanents exiles cards from the top of their library until they exile a nonland card, then puts the rest on the bottom of their library in a random order. Each player may cast the nonland card they exiled without paying its mana cost.

Devilish Valet

Trample, haste
Alliance — Whenever another creature you control enters, double this creature's power until end of turn.

Bloodline Pretender

Changeling (This card is every creature type.)
As this creature enters, choose a creature type.
Whenever another creature you control of the chosen type enters, put a +1/+1 counter on this creature.

War Room

{T}: Add {C}.
{3}, {T}, Pay life equal to the number of colors in your commanders' color identity: Draw a card.

Descent into Avernus

At the beginning of your upkeep, put two descent counters on this enchantment. Then each player creates X Treasure tokens and this enchantment deals X damage to each player, where X is the number of descent counters on this enchantment.

Goblin Bombardment

Sacrifice a creature: This enchantment deals 1 damage to any target.

Burning Inquiry

Each player draws three cards, then discards three cards at random.

Impact Tremors

Whenever a creature you control enters, this enchantment deals 1 damage to each opponent.

Blasphemous Act

This spell costs {1} less to cast for each creature on the battlefield.
Blasphemous Act deals 13 damage to each creature.

Geier Reach Sanitarium

{T}: Add {C}.
{2}, {T}: Each player draws a card, then discards a card.

Mikokoro, Center of the Sea

{T}: Add {C}.
{2}, {T}: Each player draws a card.

Helm of the Host

At the beginning of combat on your turn, create a token that's a copy of equipped creature, except the token isn't legendary. That token gains haste.
Equip {5}

Brazen Cannonade

Whenever an attacking creature you control dies, this enchantment deals 2 damage to each opponent.
Raid — At the beginning of each of your postcombat main phases, if you attacked this turn, exile the top card of your library. Until end of combat on your next turn, you may play that card.

Lightning Greaves

Equipped creature has haste and shroud. (It can't be the target of spells or abilities.)
Equip {0}

Graaz, Unstoppable Juggernaut

Juggernauts you control attack each combat if able.
Juggernauts you control can't be blocked by Walls.
Other creatures you control have base power and toughness 5/3 and are Juggernauts in addition to their other creature types.

Wheel of Misfortune

Each player secretly chooses a number 0 or greater, then all players reveal those numbers simultaneously and determine the highest and lowest numbers revealed this way. Wheel of Misfortune deals damage equal to the highest number to each player who chose that number. Each player who didn't choose the lowest number discards their hand, then draws seven cards.

Metallic Mimic

As this creature enters, choose a creature type.
This creature is the chosen type in addition to its other types.
Each other creature you control of the chosen type enters with an additional +1/+1 counter on it.

Zenith Chronicler

Whenever a player casts their first multicolored spell each turn, each other player draws a card.

Spiteful Prankster

During your turn, this creature has first strike.
Whenever another creature dies, this creature deals 1 damage to target player or planeswalker.

Tibalt's Trickery

Counter target spell. Choose 1, 2, or 3 at random. Its controller mills that many cards, then exiles cards from the top of their library until they exile a nonland card with a different name than that spell. They may cast that card without paying its mana cost. Then they put the exiled cards on the bottom of their library in a random order.

Magus of the Wheel

{1}{R}, {T}, Sacrifice this creature: Each player discards their hand, then draws seven cards.

Zurzoth, Chaos Rider

Whenever an opponent draws their first card each turn, if it's not their turn, you create a 1/1 red Devil creature token with "When this token dies, it deals 1 damage to any target."
Whenever one or more Devils you control attack one or more players, you and those players each draw a card, then discard a card at random.

Sin Prodder

Menace
At the beginning of your upkeep, reveal the top card of your library. Any opponent may have you put that card into your graveyard. If a player does, this creature deals damage to that player equal to that card's mana value. Otherwise, put that card into your hand.

Balor

Flying
Whenever this creature attacks or dies, choose one or more. Each mode must target a different player.
• Target opponent draws three cards, then discards three cards at random.
• Target opponent sacrifices a nontoken artifact of their choice.
• This creature deals damage to target opponent equal to the number of cards in their hand.

Chef's Kiss

Gain control of target spell that targets only a single permanent or player. Copy it, then reselect the targets at random for the spell and the copy. The new targets can't be you or a permanent you control.

Heraldic Banner

As this artifact enters, choose a color.
Creatures you control of the chosen color get +1/+0.
{T}: Add one mana of the chosen color.

Purphoros, God of the Forge

Indestructible
As long as your devotion to red is less than five, Purphoros isn't a creature.
Whenever another creature you control enters, Purphoros deals 2 damage to each opponent.
{2}{R}: Creatures you control get +1/+0 until end of turn.

Disrupt Decorum

Goad all creatures you don't control. (Until your next turn, those creatures attack each combat if able and attack a player other than you if able.)

Mountain

Otherworld Atlas

{T}: Put a charge counter on this artifact.
{T}: Each player draws a card for each charge counter on this artifact.

Door of Destinies

As this artifact enters, choose a creature type.
Whenever you cast a spell of the chosen type, put a charge counter on this artifact.
Creatures you control of the chosen type get +1/+1 for each charge counter on this artifact.

Solphim, Mayhem Dominus

If a source you control would deal noncombat damage to an opponent or a permanent an opponent controls, it deals double that damage to that player or permanent instead.
{1}{R/P}{R/P}, Discard two cards: Put an indestructible counter on Solphim. ({R/P} can be paid with either {R} or 2 life.)

Chaos Warp

The owner of target permanent shuffles it into their library, then reveals the top card of their library. If it's a permanent card, they put it onto the battlefield.

City on Fire

Convoke (Your creatures can help cast this spell. Each creature you tap while casting this spell pays for {1} or one mana of that creature's color.)
If a source you control would deal damage to a permanent or player, it deals triple that damage instead.

Containment Construct

Whenever you discard a card, you may exile that card from your graveyard. If you do, you may play that card this turn.

Witty Roastmaster

Alliance — Whenever another creature you control enters, this creature deals 1 damage to each opponent.

Pain Distributor

Menace
Whenever a player casts their first spell each turn, they create a Treasure token.
Whenever an artifact an opponent controls is put into a graveyard from the battlefield, this creature deals 1 damage to that player.

Adaptive Automaton

As this creature enters, choose a creature type.
This creature is the chosen type in addition to its other types.
Other creatures you control of the chosen type get +1/+1.

Shared Animosity

Whenever a creature you control attacks, it gets +1/+0 until end of turn for each other attacking creature that shares a creature type with it.

Dance with Calamity

Shuffle your library. As many times as you choose, you may exile the top card of your library. If the total mana value of the cards exiled this way is 13 or less, you may cast any number of spells from among those cards without paying their mana costs.

Geth's Grimoire

Whenever an opponent discards a card, you may draw a card.

Charmbreaker Devils

At the beginning of your upkeep, return an instant or sorcery card at random from your graveyard to your hand.
Whenever you cast an instant or sorcery spell, this creature gets +4/+0 until end of turn.

Terror of the Peaks

Flying
Spells your opponents cast that target this creature cost an additional 3 life to cast.
Whenever another creature you control enters, this creature deals damage equal to that creature's power to any target.

Impetuous Devils

Trample, haste
When this creature attacks, up to one target creature defending player controls blocks it this combat if able.
At the beginning of the end step, sacrifice this creature.

Obelisk of Urd

Convoke (Your creatures can help cast this spell. Each creature you tap while casting this spell pays for {1} or one mana of that creature's color.)
As this artifact enters, choose a creature type.
Creatures you control of the chosen type get +2/+2.

Path of Ancestry

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add one mana of any color in your commander's color identity. When that mana is spent to cast a creature spell that shares a creature type with your commander, scry 1. (Look at the top card of your library. You may put that card on the bottom.)

Wild Magic Surge

Destroy target permanent an opponent controls. Its controller reveals cards from the top of their library until they reveal a permanent card that shares a card type with that permanent. They put that card onto the battlefield and the rest on the bottom of their library in a random order.

Myriad Landscape

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {C}.
{2}, {T}, Sacrifice this land: Search your library for up to two basic land cards that share a land type, put them onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.

Hobblefiend

Trample (This creature can deal excess combat damage to the player or planeswalker it's attacking.)
{1}, Sacrifice another creature: Put a +1/+1 counter on this creature.

Raid Bombardment

Whenever a creature you control with power 2 or less attacks, this enchantment deals 1 damage to the player or planeswalker that creature is attacking.

Valakut, the Molten Pinnacle

This land enters tapped.
Whenever a Mountain you control enters, if you control at least five other Mountains, you may have this land deal 3 damage to any target.
{T}: Add {R}.

Mechanized Warfare

If a red or artifact source you control would deal damage to an opponent or a permanent an opponent controls, it deals that much damage plus 1 instead.

Taurean Mauler

Changeling (This card is every creature type.)
Whenever an opponent casts a spell, you may put a +1/+1 counter on this creature.

Stoneforge Masterwork

Equipped creature gets +1/+1 for each other creature you control that shares a creature type with it.
Equip {2}

Fiendish Duo

First strike (This creature deals combat damage before creatures without first strike.)
If a source would deal damage to an opponent, it deals double that damage to that player instead.

Demolition Field

{T}: Add {C}.
{2}, {T}, Sacrifice this land: Destroy target nonbasic land an opponent controls. That land's controller may search their library for a basic land card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle. You may search your library for a basic land card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle.

Curse of Opulence

Enchant player
Whenever enchanted player is attacked, create a Gold token. Each opponent attacking that player does the same. (A Gold token is an artifact with "Sacrifice this token: Add one mana of any color.")

Tibalt, Rakish Instigator

Your opponents can't gain life.
−2: Create a 1/1 red Devil creature token with "When this token dies, it deals 1 damage to any target."

Gibbering Fiend

When this creature enters, it deals 1 damage to each opponent.
Delirium — At the beginning of each opponent's upkeep, if there are four or more card types among cards in your graveyard, this creature deals 1 damage to that player.

Ruby Medallion

Red spells you cast cost {1} less to cast.

Havoc Jester

Whenever you sacrifice a permanent, this creature deals 1 damage to any target.

Wildfire Devils

When this creature enters and at the beginning of your upkeep, choose a player at random. That player exiles an instant or sorcery card from their graveyard. Copy that card. You may cast the copy without paying its mana cost.

Hellrider

Haste
Whenever a creature you control attacks, this creature deals 1 damage to the player or planeswalker it's attacking.

Anger

Haste
As long as this card is in your graveyard and you control a Mountain, creatures you control have haste.

Eldrazi Monument

Creatures you control get +1/+1 and have flying and indestructible.
At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice a creature. If you can't, sacrifice this artifact.

Determined Iteration

At the beginning of combat on your turn, populate. The token created this way gains haste. Sacrifice it at the beginning of the next end step. (To populate, create a token that's a copy of a creature token you control.)

Mana Echoes

Whenever a creature enters, you may add an amount of {C} equal to the number of creatures you control that share a creature type with it.

Burn Down the House

Choose one —
• Burn Down the House deals 5 damage to each creature and each planeswalker.
• Create three 1/1 red Devil creature tokens with "When this token dies, it deals 1 damage to any target." They gain haste until end of turn.

Temple Bell

Skullclamp

Equipped creature gets +1/-1.
Whenever equipped creature dies, draw two cards.
Equip {1}

Descendants' Fury

Whenever one or more creatures you control deal combat damage to a player, you may sacrifice one of them. If you do, reveal cards from the top of your library until you reveal a creature card that shares a creature type with the sacrificed creature. Put that card onto the battlefield and the rest on the bottom of your library in a random order.

Embermaw Hellion

Trample (This creature can deal excess combat damage to the player or planeswalker it's attacking.)
If another red source you control would deal damage to a permanent or player, it deals that much damage plus 1 to that permanent or player instead.