Have

Destroy target creature with reminder text. (Reminder text is any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)

Red-Hot Hottie

Whenever this creature deals damage to a creature, put a third-degree-burn counter on that creature. It gains "At the beginning of each end step, sacrifice this creature unless you scream 'Aaah!' at the top of your lungs."

Slaying Mantis

Just a second (As long as this spell is on the stack, players can't move permanents.)
This creature enters by being thrown from a distance of at least three feet.
When this creature enters, it fights each creature an opponent controls that it touched as it entered.

Mesa Chicken

Stand up, Flap your arms, Cluck like a chicken: This creature gains flying until end of turn.

Flavor Judge

{T}: Choose target spell or ability that targets a permanent you control. Then ask a person outside the game if the story of what will happen makes sense. If they say no, sacrifice this creature and counter that spell or ability.

Kindly Cognician

Spells you cast that refer to artifacts or Contraptions in their rules text cost {1} less to cast.

More or Less

Add or subtract 1 or one from a number or number word on target spell or permanent until end of turn.

Denied!

Choose a card name, then target spell's controller reveals their hand. If a card with the chosen name is revealed this way, counter that spell.

Gleemax

You choose all targets for all spells and abilities.

Bureaucracy

Pursuant to subsection 3.1(4) of Richard's Rules of Order, at the beginning of the upkeep of each participant in this game of the Magic: The Gathering® trading card game (hereafter known as "PLAYER"), that PLAYER performs all actions in the sequence of previously added actions (hereafter known as "ACTION QUEUE"), in the order those actions were added, then adds another action to the end of the ACTION QUEUE. All actions must be simple physical or verbal actions that a player can perform while sitting in a chair, without jeopardizing the health and security of said PLAYER.
When any PLAYER does not perform all the prescribed actions in the correct order, sacrifice this enchantment and said PLAYER discards their complement of cards in hand (hereafter known as "HAND").

B.O.B. (Bevy of Beebles)

As B.O.B. enters, create four 1/1 blue Beeble creature tokens.
The number of loyalty counters on B.O.B. is equal to the number of Beebles you control. (Create or sacrifice Beebles whenever B.O.B. gains or loses loyalty.)
+1: Up to X target Beebles can't be blocked this turn, where X is the number of cards in your hand.
−1: Draw a card.

Entirely Normal Armchair

During your turn, if this card is in your hand, you may hide it on the battlefield.
{0}: Return this artifact to its owner's hand. Only your opponents may activate this ability and only if they see this artifact.
{2}, Sacrifice this artifact: Destroy target attacking creature.

Lexivore

Whenever this creature deals damage to a player, destroy target permanent other than this creature with the most lines of text in its text box. (If two or more cards are tied, target any one of them.)

Emcee

Whenever another creature enters, you may stand up and say in a deep, booming voice, "Presenting . . . " and that creature's name. If you do, put a +1/+1 counter on that creature.

Infernal Spawn of Evil

Flying, first strike
{1}{B}, Reveal this card from your hand, Say "It's coming": This card deals 1 damage to target opponent or planeswalker. Activate only during your upkeep and only once each turn.

Censorship

As this enchantment enters, choose a word.
Whenever a player says the chosen word, this enchantment deals 2 damage to that player.

Hurloon Wrangler

Denimwalk (This creature can't be blocked as long as defending player is wearing denim.)

Frankie Peanuts

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may ask target player a yes-or-no question. If you do, that player answers the question truthfully and abides by that answer if able until end of turn.

Save Life

Choose one —
• Target player gains 2½ life.
• Prevent the next 2½ damage that would be dealt to target creature this turn.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "save" or "life," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Save Life from your graveyard to your hand.

Head to Head

You and target opponent play Seven Questions with the top card of that player's library. If you win, prevent all damage that would be dealt this turn by a source of your choice. (To play Seven Questions, that player looks at the card, then you ask up to six yes-or-no questions about the card that they answer truthfully. You guess the card's name—that's question seven—then the player reveals the card.)

Pointy Finger of Doom

{3}, {T}: Spin this artifact in the middle of the table so that it rotates completely at least once, then destroy the closest permanent the finger points to.

Jackknight

Whenever another artifact you control enters, put a +1/+1 counter on this creature. If that artifact is a Contraption, this creature gains lifelink until end of turn.

Look at Me, I'm R&D

As this enchantment enters, choose a number and a second number one higher or one lower than the first number.
All instances of the first chosen number in the full text of each permanent, spell, and card in any zone are changed to the second chosen number.

The Cheese Stands Alone

When you control no permanents other than The Cheese Stands Alone and have no cards in hand, you win the game.

Cardpecker

Flying
Gotcha — If an opponent touches the table with their hand, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return this card from your graveyard to your hand.

Bronze Calendar

Spells you cast cost {1} less to cast.
You must speak in a voice other than your normal voice.
When you speak in your normal voice, sacrifice this artifact.

Who // What // When // Where // Why

Goblin S.W.A.T. Team

Say "Goblin S.W.A.T. Team": Put a +1/+1 counter on this creature unless an opponent swats the table within five seconds. Activate only once each turn.

Now I Know My ABC's

At the beginning of your upkeep, if you control permanents with names that include all twenty-six letters of the English alphabet, you win the game.

Prismatic Wardrobe

Destroy target nonartifact, nonland permanent that doesn't share a color with clothing worn by its controller.

Spirit of the Season

When this creature enters, it gains haste if it's summer. Put a +1/+1 counter on it if it's autumn. You gain 5 life if it's winter. If it's spring, search your library for a basic land card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

_____

{1}: This card's name becomes the card name of your choice. Activate anywhere, anytime.

Topsy Turvy

The phases of each player's turn are reversed. (The phases are, in reverse order, ending, second main, combat, first main, and beginning.)
As long as there are more than two players in the game, the turn order is reversed.

Rings a Bell

As this enchantment enters, choose a word with four or more letters.
After you say the chosen word for the first time each turn, an opponent may ring or imitate a bell within five seconds. When no opponent does, draw a card.

Wordmail

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +1/+1 for each word in its name.

Knight of the Kitchen Sink

First strike, protection from loose lips (Nothing with an open mouth in its artwork can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to this creature.)

Goblin Tutor

Roll a six-sided die. If you roll a 1, Goblin Tutor has no effect. Otherwise, search your library for the indicated card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.
2 — A card named Goblin Tutor
3 — An enchantment
4 — An artifact
5 — A creature
6 — An instant or sorcery

Loose Lips

Enchant creature
As this Aura enters, choose a sentence with eight or fewer words.
Enchanted creature has flying.
Whenever enchanted creature deals damage to an opponent, that player may say the chosen sentence. If they don't, you draw two cards.

Goblin Haberdasher

Menace (This creature can't be blocked except by two or more creatures.)
Other creatures you control wearing hats in their art have menace.

Miss Demeanor

Flying, first strike
At the beginning of each other player's upkeep, you may compliment that player on their game play. If you don't, sacrifice this creature.

Oddly Uneven

Choose one —
• Destroy each creature with an odd number of words in its name. (Hyphenated words are one word.)
• Destroy each creature with an even number of words in its name.

Animate Library

Enchant your library
Enchanted library is an artifact creature on the battlefield with power and toughness each equal to the number of cards in it. It's still a library.
If enchanted library would leave the battlefield, exile this Aura instead.

Free-for-All

When this enchantment enters, exile all creatures face down.
At the beginning of each player's upkeep, that player chooses a card exiled with this enchantment at random and puts it onto the battlefield.
When this enchantment leaves the battlefield, put all cards exiled with it into their owners' graveyards.

Infinity Elemental

Strategy, Schmategy

Roll a six-sided die. Strategy, Schmategy has the indicated effect.
1 — Do nothing.
2 — Destroy all artifacts.
3 — Destroy all lands.
4 — Strategy, Schmategy deals 3 damage to each creature and each player.
5 — Each player discards their hand and draws seven cards.
6 — Repeat this process two more times.

First strike, protection from watermarks (Nothing with a watermark can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to this creature.)

Flaccify

Counter target spell unless its controller pays {3}{½}.

Man of Measure

As long as you're shorter than an opponent, Man of Measure gets +0/+1 and has first strike.
As long as you're taller than an opponent, Man of Measure gets +1/+0.

Charm School

As this enchantment enters, choose a color and balance this enchantment on your head.
Prevent all damage that would be dealt to you by sources of the chosen color.
When this enchantment falls off your head, sacrifice this enchantment.

First strike, protection from two-word names (Nothing with exactly two words in its name can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to this creature. Hyphenated words are one word.)

Mother of Goons

Whenever a creature an opponent controls dies, sacrifice this creature unless you insult that creature.

Smart Ass

Whenever this creature attacks, choose a card name. If defending player has no cards with the chosen name in their hand, they may reveal their hand. If they don't reveal their hand, this creature can't be blocked this turn.

B-I-N-G-O

Trample
Whenever a player casts a spell, put a chip counter on its mana value.
This creature gets +9/+9 for each set of three numbers in a row with chip counters on them.

Old Fogey

Phasing, cumulative upkeep {1}, echo {G}{G}, fading 3, bands with other Dinosaurs, protection from Homarids, snow-covered plainswalk, flanking, rampage 2

Six-y Beast

As this creature enters, you secretly put six or fewer +1/+1 counters on it, then an opponent guesses the number of counters. If that player guesses right, sacrifice this creature after it enters.

Question Elemental?

Did you know this creature has flying?
Are you aware that any time you say something that isn't a question, when a player points out this fact first, they gain control of this creature?

"Ach! Hans, Run!"

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may say "Ach! Hans, run! It's the . . ." and the name of a creature card. If you do, search your library for a card with that name, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle. That creature gains haste. Exile it at the beginning of the next end step.

Enter the Dungeon

Players play a Magic subgame under the table, starting at 5 life and using their libraries as their decks. The winner searches their library for two cards, puts those cards into their hand, then shuffles.

Cheatyface

If Cheatyface is in your hand, you may sneak Cheatyface onto the battlefield. If an opponent catches you right away, that player may exile Cheatyface.
Flying

Avatar of Me

This spell costs {1} more to cast for each ten years you've been alive.
Avatar of Me's power is equal to your height in feet and its toughness is equal to your American shoe size. Round to the nearest ½.
Avatar of Me is the color of your eyes.

Clocknapper

When this creature enters, choose beginning phase, first main phase, combat phase, postcombat main phase, or ending phase. Steal that phase from target player during their next turn. (That phase occurs as though it's your turn instead.)

Bosom Buddy

Whenever you cast a spell, you may gain ½ life for each word in that spell's name.

Clam Session

As this creature enters, choose a word.
At the beginning of your upkeep, you may sing at least six words of a song, at least one of which is the chosen word. If you don't, sacrifice this creature. You can't repeat a song.

Acornelia, Fashionable Filcher

Whenever you cast a spell with a squirrel in its art, you get {A} (an acorn counter).
Whenever a Squirrel you control enters or dies, you get {A}.
{2}{B}, Pay X {A}: Target creature gets -X/-X until end of turn.
{G}, Pay X {A}: Target creature gets +X/+X until end of turn.

Skull Saucer

Flying
When this creature enters, destroy target creature and put your head on the table. Sacrifice this creature when your head stops touching the table.

Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil

Flying, first strike, trample
Once each turn, while you're searching your library, you may pay {1}{B}, reveal this card from your library and say "I'm coming, too" If you do, this card deals 2 damage to a player of your choice.

Infernius Spawnington III, Esq.

Flying, first strike, trample, haste
This spell costs {3} less to cast for each card you've revealed this turn.
When this creature enters, you may say "I'm here." If you do, it deals 3 damage to target player.

Rock Lobster

Creatures named Scissors Lizard can't attack or block.

Rules Lawyer

State-based actions don't apply to you or other permanents you control. (You don't lose the game due to having 0 or less life or drawing from an empty library. Your creatures aren't destroyed due to damage or deathtouch and aren't put into a graveyard due to having 0 or less toughness. Your planeswalkers aren't put into a graveyard if they have 0 loyalty. You don't put a legendary permanent into a graveyard if you control two with the same name. Counters aren't removed from your permanents due to game rules. Permanents you control attached or combined illegally remain on the battlefield. For complete rules and regulations, see rule 704.)

Form of the Squirrel

As this enchantment enters, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token. You lose the game when that creature leaves the battlefield.
Creatures can't attack you.
You have shroud.
You can't cast spells.

Yet Another Aether Vortex

All creatures have haste.
Players play with the top card of their libraries revealed.
Noninstant, nonsorcery cards on top of a library are on the battlefield under their owner's control in addition to being in that library.

Blast from the Past

Madness {R}, cycling {1}{R}, kicker {2}{R}, flashback {3}{R}, buyback {4}{R}
Blast from the Past deals 2 damage to any target. If this spell was kicked, create a 1/1 red Goblin creature token.

Hoisted Hireling

This creature has flying as long as it's being held above the battlefield.

Jack-in-the-Mox

{T}: Roll a six-sided die. This ability has the indicated effect.
1 — Sacrifice this artifact and you lose 5 life.
2 — Add {W}.
3 — Add {U}.
4 — Add {B}.
5 — Add {R}.
6 — Add {G}.

Underdome

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add one mana of any color. Spend this mana only to pay Un-costs.

Paper Tiger

Creatures named Rock Lobster can't attack or block.

Water Gun Balloon Game

As this artifact enters, each player puts a pop! counter on "0."
Whenever a player casts a spell, move that player's pop! counter up one.
Whenever a player's pop! counter hits "5," that player creates a 5/5 pink Giant Teddy Bear creature token and resets all pop! counters to "0."

Scissors Lizard

Creatures named Paper Tiger can't attack or block.

Ambiguity

Whenever a player plays a spell that counters a spell that has been played or a player plays a spell that comes into play with counters, that player may counter the next spell played or put an additional counter on a permanent that has already been played, but not countered.

City of Ass

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add one and one-half mana of any one color.

Alexander Clamilton

Whenever you cast a wordy spell, scry 2. (A spell is wordy if it has four or more lines of rules text.)
{1}{R}, {T}: Choose target creature you don't control. Reveal the top card of your library. Alexander Clamilton gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is the number of lines of rules text of the revealed card. Alexander Clamilton fights that creature.

Bursting Beebles

This creature can't be blocked as long as defending player controls two or more nonland permanents that share an artist.

Psychic Network

Each player plays with the top card of their library held against their forehead, revealed to each other player.

Knight of the Hokey Pokey

First strike
{1}{W}, Do the Hokey Pokey: Prevent all damage a source of your choice would deal to this creature this turn. (To do the Hokey Pokey, choose an arm, a leg, or your whole self and put it in. Put it out. Put it in. Shake it all about. You do the Hokey Pokey! Turn yourself around.)

Dumb Ass

At the beginning of your upkeep, flip a coin. If you lose the flip, target opponent chooses whether this creature attacks this turn.

Spy Eye

Flying
Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, you may draw a card from that player's library.

Face to Face

You and target opponent play a best two-out-of-three Rock, Paper, Scissors match. If you win, Face to Face deals 5 damage to that player.

Do-It-Yourself Seraph

Flying
Whenever this creature attacks, you may search your library for an artifact card, exile it, then shuffle.
This creature has the text box of each card exiled with this creature in addition to its own.

Boomstacker

As this creature enters and whenever it attacks, stack two dice on top of it. (All dice must be stacked vertically, one on top of another.)
This creature gets +1/+1 for each die in its stack.
This creature attacks each combat if able.
When the stack falls, sacrifice this creature.