Rod of Spanking

{2}, {T}: Rod of Spanking deals 1 damage to target player. Then untap Rod of Spanking unless that player says "Thank you, sir. May I have another?"

Underdome

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add one mana of any color. Spend this mana only to pay Un-costs.

Man of Measure

As long as you're shorter than an opponent, Man of Measure gets +0/+1 and has first strike.
As long as you're taller than an opponent, Man of Measure gets +1/+0.

Belle of the Brawl

Menace (This creature can't be blocked except by two or more creatures.)
Whenever Belle of the Brawl attacks, other Knights you control get +1/+0 until end of turn.

Side Quest

Target player in an Un-game you can see from your seat gains control of target creature you control until your next turn. At the beginning of your next upkeep, put two +1/+1 counters on that creature. (A creature is on the battlefield of only the game its controller is playing.)

Evolving Wilds

{T}, Sacrifice this land: Search your library for a basic land card, put it onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.

Knight of the Widget

Vigilance
Knight of the Widget's power and toughness are each equal to the number of Order of the Widget watermarks among permanents you control.

Temple of Silence

This land enters tapped.
When this land enters, scry 1. (Look at the top card of your library. You may put that card on the bottom.)
{T}: Add {W} or {B}.

Knight of the Kitchen Sink

First strike, protection from black borders (Nothing with a black border can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to this creature.)

Plains

Kinsbaile Cavalier

Knight creatures you control have double strike.

Basri's Lieutenant

Vigilance, protection from multicolored
When Basri's Lieutenant enters, put a +1/+1 counter on target creature you control.
Whenever Basri's Lieutenant or another creature you control dies, if it had a +1/+1 counter on it, create a 2/2 white Knight creature token with vigilance.

Knights' Charge

Whenever a Knight you control attacks, each opponent loses 1 life and you gain 1 life.
{6}{W}{B}, Sacrifice Knights' Charge: Return all Knight creature cards from your graveyard to the battlefield.

Save Life

Choose one —
• Target player gains 2½ life.
• Prevent the next 2½ damage that would be dealt to target creature this turn.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "save" or "life," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Save Life from your graveyard to your hand.

First strike, protection from even collector numbers (Nothing with an even collector number can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to this creature.)

Swamp

Knight of Grace

First strike (This creature deals combat damage before creatures without first strike.)
Hexproof from black (This creature can't be the target of black spells or abilities your opponents control.)
This creature gets +1/+0 as long as any player controls a black permanent.

Acclaimed Contender

When Acclaimed Contender enters, if you control another Knight, look at the top five cards of your library. You may reveal a Knight, Aura, Equipment, or legendary artifact card from among them and put it into your hand. Put the rest on the bottom of your library in a random order.

Terramorphic Expanse

{T}, Sacrifice Terramorphic Expanse: Search your library for a basic land card, put it onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.

Border Guardian

Whenever you cast a silver-bordered spell, put a +1/+1 counter on Border Guardian.
Whenever you cast a black-bordered spell, Border Guardian can't be blocked this turn.
Whenever you cast a white-bordered spell, Border Guardian gains double strike until end of turn.

Volrath's Motion Sensor

Enchant player
As Volrath's Motion Sensor enters, choose one of enchanted player's hands. That player balances Volrath's Motion Sensor on the back of that hand.
When Volrath's Motion Sensor falls off the chosen hand, sacrifice Volrath's Motion Sensor and enchanted player loses 3 life.

Mana Screw

{1}: Flip a coin. If you win the flip, add {C}{C}. Activate only as an instant.

Syr Cadian, Knight Owl

Knightlifelink (Damage dealt by Knights you control also causes you to gain that much life.)
{W}: Syr Cadian, Knight Owl gains vigilance until end of turn. Activate only from sunrise to sunset.
{B}: Syr Cadian, Knight Owl gains flying until end of turn. Activate only from sunset to sunrise.

Arcane Signet

{T}: Add one mana of any color in your commander's color identity.

Scoured Barrens

This land enters tapped.
When this land enters, you gain 1 life.
{T}: Add {W} or {B}.

Knight of the Hokey Pokey

First strike
{1}{W}, Do the Hokey Pokey: Prevent all damage a source of your choice would deal to Knight of the Hokey Pokey this turn. (To do the Hokey Pokey, choose an arm, a leg, or your whole self and put it in. Put it out. Put it in. Shake it all about. You do the Hokey Pokey! Turn yourself around.)

Test of Endurance

At the beginning of your upkeep, if you have 50 or more life, you win the game.

Pointy Finger of Doom

{3}, {T}: Spin Pointy Finger of Doom in the middle of the table so that it rotates completely at least once, then destroy the closest permanent the finger points to.

Gimme Five

You gain 1 life for each person who high-fives you in the next thirty seconds. Each player in an Un-game who high-fives you gains 1 life. (Offer high fives. Don't hit people.)

Knight Exemplar

First strike (This creature deals combat damage before creatures without first strike.)
Other Knight creatures you control get +1/+1 and have indestructible. (Damage and effects that say "destroy" don't destroy them.)

Wintermoor Commander

Deathtouch
Wintermoor Commander's toughness is equal to the number of Knights you control.
Whenever Wintermoor Commander attacks, another target Knight you control gains indestructible until end of turn. (Damage and effects that say "destroy" don't destroy it.)

Hazmat Suit (Used)

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +2/+1 and has menace.
Whenever a player's skin or fingernail touches enchanted creature, that player loses 2 life.

Jackknight

Whenever another artifact you control enters, put a +1/+1 counter on Jackknight. If that artifact is a Contraption, Jackknight gains lifelink until end of turn.

AWOL

Exile target attacking creature. Then remove it from the game. Then put it into the absolutely-removed-from-the-freaking-game-forever zone.

Valiant Knight

Other Knights you control get +1/+1.
{3}{W}{W}: Knights you control gain double strike until end of turn.

Bronze Calendar

Spells you cast cost {1} less to cast.
You must speak in a voice other than your normal voice.
When you speak in your normal voice, sacrifice Bronze Calendar.

Sigiled Sword of Valeron

Equipped creature gets +2/+0, has vigilance, and is a Knight in addition to its other types.
Whenever equipped creature attacks, create a 2/2 white Knight creature token with vigilance that's attacking.
Equip {3}

Sword of Dungeons & Dragons

Equipped creature gets +2/+2 and has protection from Rogues and from Clerics.
Whenever equipped creature deals combat damage to a player, create a 4/4 gold Dragon creature token with flying and roll a d20 (a twenty-sided die). If you roll a 20, repeat this process.
Equip {2}

Ladies' Knight

Flying
Spells cast by players wearing at least one item of women's clothing cost {1} less to cast. (You can define women's clothing as you see fit. Be reasonable.)

GO TO JAIL

When GO TO JAIL enters, exile target creature an opponent controls until GO TO JAIL leaves the battlefield.
At the beginning of the upkeep of the exiled card's owner, that player rolls two six-sided dice. If they roll doubles, sacrifice GO TO JAIL.

Handcuffs

As Handcuffs enters, choose a player.
When the chosen player's hands aren't touching each other, sacrifice Handcuffs and that player sacrifices three permanents.

First strike, protection from watermarks (Nothing with a watermark can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to this creature.)

Kill! Destroy!

Destroy target nonblack creature.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "kill" or "destroy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Kill! Destroy! from your graveyard to your hand.

Curry Favor

You gain X life and each opponent loses X life, where X is the number of Knights you control.

Smitten Swordmaster

Smitten Swordmaster // Curry Favor

Staff of the Letter Magus

As Staff of the Letter Magus enters, choose a consonant other than N, R, S, or T.
Whenever a player casts a spell, you gain 1 life for each time the chosen letter appears in that spell's name.

Riftmarked Knight

Protection from black; flanking (Whenever a creature without flanking blocks this creature, the blocking creature gets -1/-1 until end of turn.)
Suspend 3—{1}{W}{W}
When the last time counter is removed from Riftmarked Knight while it's exiled, create a 2/2 black Knight creature token with flanking, protection from white, and haste.

Shining Armor

Flash
When Shining Armor enters, attach it to target Knight you control.
Equipped creature gets +0/+2 and has vigilance.
Equip {3} ({3}: Attach to target creature you control. Equip only as a sorcery.)

First strike, protection from loose lips (Nothing with an open mouth in its artwork can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to this creature.)

Wet Willie of the Damned

Wet Willie of the Damned deals 2½ damage to any target and you gain 2½ life.

Oddly Uneven

Choose one —
• Destroy each creature with an odd number of words in its name. (Hyphenated words are one word.)
• Destroy each creature with an even number of words in its name.

Stop That

Target player discards a card.
Gotcha — If an opponent audibly flicks the cards in their hand, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Stop That from your graveyard to your hand.

Ass Whuppin'

Destroy target silver-bordered or acorn permanent in any game you can see from your seat.

Knight of Malice

First strike (This creature deals combat damage before creatures without first strike.)
Hexproof from white (This creature can't be the target of white spells or abilities your opponents control.)
This creature gets +1/+0 as long as any player controls a white permanent.

History of Benalia

(As this Saga enters and after your draw step, add a lore counter. Sacrifice after III.)
I, II — Create a 2/2 white Knight creature token with vigilance.
III — Knights you control get +2/+1 until end of turn.

Amateur Auteur

Sacrifice Amateur Auteur: Destroy target enchantment.

Wordmail

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +1/+1 for each word in its name.

Chivalrous Chevalier

Flying
When Chivalrous Chevalier enters, return a creature you control to its owner's hand unless you compliment an opponent.

First strike, protection from odd collector numbers (Nothing with an odd collector number can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to this creature.)

Drawn Together

As Drawn Together enters, choose an artist.
Creatures with art by the chosen artist get +2/+2.

Entirely Normal Armchair

During your turn, if Entirely Normal Armchair is in your hand, you may hide it on the battlefield.
{0}: Return Entirely Normal Armchair to its owner's hand. Only your opponents may activate this ability and only if they see Entirely Normal Armchair.
{2}, Sacrifice Entirely Normal Armchair: Destroy target attacking creature.

capital offense

target creature gets -x/-x until end of turn, where x is the number of times a capital letter appears in its rules text. (ignore reminder text and flavor text.)

Orzhov Signet

Farewell to Arms

As Farewell to Arms enters, choose a hand attached to an opponent's arm.
When the chosen hand isn't behind its owner's back, sacrifice Farewell to Arms. If you do, that player discards their hand . . . of cards. (The lawyers wouldn't let us do it the other way.)

Sol Ring

Emcee

Whenever another creature enters, you may stand up and say in a deep, booming voice, "Presenting . . . " and that creature's name. If you do, put a +1/+1 counter on that creature.

First strike, protection from two-word names (Nothing with exactly two words in its name can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to this creature. Hyphenated words are one word.)

Worthy Knight

Whenever you cast a Knight spell, create a 1/1 white Human creature token.

The Circle of Loyalty

This spell costs {1} less to cast for each Knight you control.
Creatures you control get +1/+1.
Whenever you cast a legendary spell, create a 2/2 white Knight creature token with vigilance.
{3}{W}, {T}: Create a 2/2 white Knight creature token with vigilance.