Censorship

As Censorship enters, choose a word.
Whenever a player says the chosen word, Censorship deals 2 damage to that player.

Carnivorous Death-Parrot

Flying
At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice Carnivorous Death-Parrot unless you say its flavor text.

AWOL

Exile target attacking creature. Then remove it from the game. Then put it into the absolutely-removed-from-the-freaking-game-forever zone.

Loose Lips

Enchant creature
As Loose Lips enters, choose a sentence with eight or fewer words.
Enchanted creature has flying.
Whenever enchanted creature deals damage to an opponent, that player may say the chosen sentence. If they don't, you draw two cards.

Space Beleren

Space sculptor (Space Beleren divides the battlefield into alpha, beta, and gamma sectors. If a creature isn't assigned to a sector, its controller assigns it to one. Opponents assign first.)
+1: Creatures in each sector can be blocked this turn only by creatures in the same sector.
−1: Put a +1/+1 counter on each creature in the sector of your choice.
−5: Destroy all creatures in the sector of your choice.

Bosom Buddy

Whenever you cast a spell, you may gain ½ life for each word in that spell's name.

The Grand Calcutron

The Grand Calcutron can be your commander.
When The Grand Calcutron enters, each player's hand becomes a program (an ordered row of revealed cards).
Players can only play the first card of their program.
If a card would be put into a player's hand from anywhere, that player reveals it and places it anywhere within their program instead.
At the beginning of each player's end step, if that player's program has fewer than five cards, they draw cards equal to the difference.

Cheatyface

If Cheatyface is in your hand, you may sneak Cheatyface onto the battlefield. If an opponent catches you right away, that player may exile Cheatyface.
Flying

Checks and Balances

Cast this spell only if there are three or more players in the game.
Whenever a player casts a spell, each of that player's opponents may discard a card. If they do, counter that spell.

Fowl Play

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature loses all abilities and is a Bird creature with base power and toughness 1/1.