Guff Rewrites History

For each player, choose target nonenchantment, nonland permanent that player controls. Those permanents' owners shuffle them into their libraries. Each player who controlled one of those permanents exiles cards from the top of their library until they exile a nonland card, then puts the rest on the bottom of their library in a random order. Each player may cast the nonland card they exiled without paying its mana cost.

Forest

Swiftfoot Boots

Equipped creature has hexproof and haste. (It can't be the target of spells or abilities your opponents control. It can attack and {T} no matter when it came under your control.)
Equip {1} ({1}: Attach to target creature you control. Equip only as a sorcery.)

Temple of the False God

{T}: Add {C}{C}. Activate only if you control five or more lands.

Overseer of the Damned

Flying
When Overseer of the Damned enters, you may destroy target creature.
Whenever a nontoken creature an opponent controls dies, create a tapped 2/2 black Zombie creature token.

Goblin Anarchomancer

Each spell you cast that's red or green costs {1} less to cast.

Vraska, Relic Seeker

+2: Create a 2/2 black Pirate creature token with menace.
−3: Destroy target artifact, creature, or enchantment. Create a Treasure token. (It's an artifact with "{T}, Sacrifice this artifact: Add one mana of any color.")
−10: Target player's life total becomes 1.

Wooded Foothills

{T}, Pay 1 life, Sacrifice Wooded Foothills: Search your library for a Mountain or Forest card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle.

Over the Top

Each player reveals a number of cards from the top of their library equal to the number of nonland permanents they control, puts all permanent cards they revealed this way onto the battlefield, and puts the rest into their graveyard.

Wulfgar of Icewind Dale

Melee (Whenever this creature attacks, it gets +1/+1 until end of turn for each opponent you attacked this combat.)
If a creature you control attacking causes a triggered ability of a permanent you control to trigger, that ability triggers an additional time.

Vaevictis Asmadi, the Dire

Flying
Whenever Vaevictis Asmadi, the Dire attacks, for each player, choose target permanent that player controls. Those players sacrifice those permanents. Each player who sacrificed a permanent this way reveals the top card of their library, then puts it onto the battlefield if it's a permanent card.

Tecutlan, the Searing Rift

(Transforms from Brass's Tunnel-Grinder.)
{T}: Add {R}.
Whenever you cast a permanent spell using mana produced by Tecutlan, the Searing Rift, discover X, where X is that spell's mana value.

Brass's Tunnel-Grinder

When Brass's Tunnel-Grinder enters, discard any number of cards, then draw that many cards plus one.
At the beginning of your end step, if you descended this turn, put a bore counter on Brass's Tunnel-Grinder. Then if there are three or more bore counters on it, remove those counters and transform it. (You descended if a permanent card was put into your graveyard from anywhere.)

Brass's Tunnel-Grinder // Tecutlan, the Searing Rift

Sheltered Thicket

({T}: Add {R} or {G}.)
Sheltered Thicket enters tapped.
Cycling {2} ({2}, Discard this card: Draw a card.)

Omen of the Hunt

Flash
When Omen of the Hunt enters, you may search your library for a basic land card, put it onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.
{2}{G}, Sacrifice Omen of the Hunt: Scry 2.

Doom Blade

Sword of the Animist

Equipped creature gets +1/+1.
Whenever equipped creature attacks, you may search your library for a basic land card, put it onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.
Equip {2}

Mountain Valley

Mountain Valley enters tapped.
{T}, Sacrifice Mountain Valley: Search your library for a Mountain or Forest card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle.

Savage Lands

Savage Lands enters tapped.
{T}: Add {B}, {R}, or {G}.

Massacre Girl

Menace
When Massacre Girl enters, each other creature gets -1/-1 until end of turn. Whenever a creature dies this turn, each creature other than Massacre Girl gets -1/-1 until end of turn.

Krenko, Tin Street Kingpin

Whenever Krenko, Tin Street Kingpin attacks, put a +1/+1 counter on it, then create a number of 1/1 red Goblin creature tokens equal to Krenko's power.

Invigorating Hot Spring

Invigorating Hot Spring enters with four +1/+1 counters on it.
Modified creatures you control have haste. (Equipment, Auras you control, and counters are modifications.)
Remove a +1/+1 counter from Invigorating Hot Spring: Put a +1/+1 counter on target creature you control. Activate only as a sorcery and only once each turn.

Mazirek, Kraul Death Priest

Flying
Whenever a player sacrifices another permanent, put a +1/+1 counter on each creature you control.

Tahngarth, First Mate

Tahngarth, First Mate can't be blocked by more than one creature.
Whenever an opponent attacks with one or more creatures, if Tahngarth is tapped, you may have that opponent gain control of Tahngarth until end of combat. If you do, choose a player or planeswalker that opponent is attacking. Tahngarth is attacking that player or planeswalker.

Etali, Primal Storm

Whenever Etali attacks, exile the top card of each player's library, then you may cast any number of spells from among those cards without paying their mana costs.

Doors of Durin

Whenever you attack, scry 2, then you may reveal the top card of your library. If it's a creature card, put it onto the battlefield tapped and attacking. Until your next turn, it gains trample if you control a Dwarf and hexproof if you control an Elf.

Mountain

Rampaging Baloths

Trample
Landfall — Whenever a land you control enters, you may create a 4/4 green Beast creature token.

Evolving Wilds

{T}, Sacrifice this land: Search your library for a basic land card, put it onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.

Tergrid's Lantern

{T}: Target player loses 3 life unless they sacrifice a nonland permanent of their choice or discard a card.
{3}{B}: Untap Tergrid's Lantern.

Tergrid, God of Fright

Menace
Whenever an opponent sacrifices a nontoken permanent or discards a permanent card, you may put that card from a graveyard onto the battlefield under your control.

Tergrid, God of Fright // Tergrid's Lantern

Stomping Ground

({T}: Add {R} or {G}.)
As Stomping Ground enters, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters tapped.

Hanweir Garrison

Whenever Hanweir Garrison attacks, create two 1/1 red Human creature tokens that are tapped and attacking.
(Melds with Hanweir Battlements.)

Ravenous Chupacabra

When Ravenous Chupacabra enters, destroy target creature an opponent controls.

Temple of Malice

This land enters tapped.
When this land enters, scry 1. (Look at the top card of your library. You may put that card on the bottom.)
{T}: Add {B} or {R}.

Thantis, the Warweaver

Vigilance, reach
All creatures attack each combat if able.
Whenever a creature attacks you or a planeswalker you control, put a +1/+1 counter on Thantis, the Warweaver.

Korvold, Fae-Cursed King

Flying
Whenever Korvold, Fae-Cursed King enters or attacks, sacrifice another permanent.
Whenever you sacrifice a permanent, put a +1/+1 counter on Korvold and draw a card.

Tranquil Thicket

Tranquil Thicket enters tapped.
{T}: Add {G}.
Cycling {G} ({G}, Discard this card: Draw a card.)

Sol Ring

Rhythm of the Wild

Creature spells you control can't be countered.
Nontoken creatures you control have riot. (They enter with your choice of a +1/+1 counter or haste.)

Possibility Storm

Whenever a player casts a spell from their hand, that player exiles it, then exiles cards from the top of their library until they exile a card that shares a card type with it. That player may cast that card without paying its mana cost. Then they put all cards exiled with Possibility Storm on the bottom of their library in a random order.

Terramorphic Expanse

{T}, Sacrifice Terramorphic Expanse: Search your library for a basic land card, put it onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.

Garruk, Cursed Huntsman

0: Create two 2/2 black and green Wolf creature tokens with "When this creature dies, put a loyalty counter on each Garruk you control."
−3: Destroy target creature. Draw a card.
−6: You get an emblem with "Creatures you control get +3/+3 and have trample."

Bloodsworn Steward

Flying
Commander creatures you control get +2/+2 and have haste.

Lord Windgrace

+2: Discard a card, then draw a card. If a land card is discarded this way, draw an additional card.
−3: Return up to two target land cards from your graveyard to the battlefield.
−11: Destroy up to six target nonland permanents, then create six 2/2 green Cat Warrior creature tokens with forestwalk.
Lord Windgrace can be your commander.

Ignoble Hierarch

Exalted (Whenever a creature you control attacks alone, that creature gets +1/+1 until end of turn.)
{T}: Add {B}, {R}, or {G}.

Garruk's Uprising

When this enchantment enters, if you control a creature with power 4 or greater, draw a card.
Creatures you control have trample. (Each of those creatures can deal excess combat damage to the player or planeswalker it's attacking.)
Whenever a creature you control with power 4 or greater enters, draw a card.

Garna, the Bloodflame

Flash
When Garna, the Bloodflame enters, return to your hand all creature cards in your graveyard that were put there from anywhere this turn.
Other creatures you control have haste.

Fauna Shaman

{G}, {T}, Discard a creature card: Search your library for a creature card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

Greven, Predator Captain

Menace
Greven, Predator Captain gets +X/+0, where X is the amount of life you've lost this turn.
Whenever Greven attacks, you may sacrifice another creature. If you do, you draw cards equal to that creature's power and you lose life equal to that creature's toughness.

Fertile Footsteps

Search your library for a basic land card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle. (Then exile this card. You may cast the creature later from exile.)

Beanstalk Giant

Beanstalk Giant's power and toughness are each equal to the number of lands you control.

Beanstalk Giant // Fertile Footsteps

Geode Rager

First strike
Landfall — Whenever a land you control enters, goad each creature target player controls. (Until your next turn, those creatures attack each combat if able and attack a player other than you if able.)

Lightning Mauler

Soulbond (You may pair this creature with another unpaired creature when either enters. They remain paired for as long as you control both of them.)
As long as Lightning Mauler is paired with another creature, both creatures have haste.

Aid from the Cowl

Revolt — At the beginning of your end step, if a permanent you controlled left the battlefield this turn, reveal the top card of your library. If it's a permanent card, you may put it onto the battlefield. Otherwise, you may put it on the bottom of your library.

Scrambleverse

For each nonland permanent, choose a player at random. Then each player gains control of each permanent for which they were chosen. Untap those permanents.

Dead Man's Chest

Enchant creature an opponent controls
When enchanted creature dies, exile cards equal to its power from the top of its owner's library. You may cast spells from among those cards for as long as they remain exiled, and mana of any type can be spent to cast them.

Bloodfell Caves

This land enters tapped.
When this land enters, you gain 1 life.
{T}: Add {B} or {R}.

Myr Battlesphere

When Myr Battlesphere enters, create four 1/1 colorless Myr artifact creature tokens.
Whenever Myr Battlesphere attacks, you may tap X untapped Myr you control. If you do, Myr Battlesphere gets +X/+0 until end of turn and deals X damage to the player or planeswalker it's attacking.

Incubation Druid

{T}: Add one mana of any type that a land you control could produce. If Incubation Druid has a +1/+1 counter on it, add three mana of that type instead.
{3}{G}{G}: Adapt 3. (If this creature has no +1/+1 counters on it, put three +1/+1 counters on it.)

Moraug, Fury of Akoum

Each creature you control gets +1/+0 for each time it has attacked this turn.
Landfall — Whenever a land you control enters, if it's your main phase, there's an additional combat phase after this phase. At the beginning of that combat, untap all creatures you control.

Faithless Looting

Draw two cards, then discard two cards.
Flashback {2}{R} (You may cast this card from your graveyard for its flashback cost. Then exile it.)

Jungle Hollow

This land enters tapped.
When this land enters, you gain 1 life.
{T}: Add {B} or {G}.

Drana, the Last Bloodchief

Flying
Whenever Drana, the Last Bloodchief attacks, defending player chooses a nonlegendary creature card in your graveyard. You return that card to the battlefield with an additional +1/+1 counter on it. The creature is a Vampire in addition to its other types.

Sylvan Caryatid

Defender, hexproof
{T}: Add one mana of any color.

Awakening Zone

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may create a 0/1 colorless Eldrazi Spawn creature token. It has "Sacrifice this creature: Add {C}."

Dread Return

Return target creature card from your graveyard to the battlefield.
Flashback—Sacrifice three creatures. (You may cast this card from your graveyard for its flashback cost. Then exile it.)

Chainer, Nightmare Adept

Discard a card: You may cast a creature spell from your graveyard this turn. Activate only once each turn.
Whenever a nontoken creature you control enters, if you didn't cast it from your hand, it gains haste until your next turn.

Acidic Slime

Deathtouch (Any amount of damage this deals to a creature is enough to destroy it.)
When Acidic Slime enters, destroy target artifact, enchantment, or land.

Swamp

Rivaz of the Claw

Menace
{T}: Add two mana in any combination of colors. Spend this mana only to cast Dragon creature spells.
Once during each of your turns, you may cast a Dragon creature spell from your graveyard.
Whenever you cast a Dragon creature spell from your graveyard, it gains "When this creature dies, exile it."

Thieves' Auction

Exile all nontoken permanents. Starting with you, each player chooses one of the exiled cards and puts it onto the battlefield tapped under their control. Repeat this process until all cards exiled this way have been chosen.

Generator Servant

{T}, Sacrifice Generator Servant: Add {C}{C}. If that mana is spent on a creature spell, it gains haste until end of turn. (That creature can attack and {T} as soon as it comes under your control.)

Rakdos Guildgate

This land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {B} or {R}.

Rampant Growth

Search your library for a basic land card, put that card onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.

Grave Betrayal

Whenever a creature you don't control dies, return it to the battlefield under your control with an additional +1/+1 counter on it at the beginning of the next end step. That creature is a black Zombie in addition to its other colors and types.

Lifecrafter's Bestiary

At the beginning of your upkeep, scry 1.
Whenever you cast a creature spell, you may pay {G}. If you do, draw a card.

Command Tower

{T}: Add one mana of any color in your commander's color identity.

Spectacular Showdown

Put a double strike counter on target creature, then goad each creature that had a double strike counter put on it this way. (Until your next turn, those creatures attack each combat if able and attack a player other than you if able.)
Overload {4}{R}{R}{R} (You may cast this spell for its overload cost. If you do, change "target" in its text to "each.")

Smoldering Marsh

({T}: Add {B} or {R}.)
Smoldering Marsh enters tapped unless you control two or more basic lands.

Solemn Simulacrum

When this creature enters, you may search your library for a basic land card, put that card onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.
When this creature dies, you may draw a card.

Hornet Queen

Flying, deathtouch
When Hornet Queen enters, create four 1/1 green Insect creature tokens with flying and deathtouch.

Sakura-Tribe Elder

Sacrifice Sakura-Tribe Elder: Search your library for a basic land card, put that card onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.

Ash Barrens

{T}: Add {C}.
Basic landcycling {1} ({1}, Discard this card: Search your library for a basic land card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.)

Wayward Swordtooth

Ascend (If you control ten or more permanents, you get the city's blessing for the rest of the game.)
You may play an additional land on each of your turns.
Wayward Swordtooth can't attack or block unless you have the city's blessing.

Thran Dynamo

Temple of Malady

This land enters tapped.
When this land enters, scry 1. (Look at the top card of your library. You may put that card on the bottom.)
{T}: Add {B} or {G}.

Wildfire Devils

When Wildfire Devils enters and at the beginning of your upkeep, choose a player at random. That player exiles an instant or sorcery card from their graveyard. Copy that card. You may cast the copy without paying its mana cost.