Mistakes Were Made

Destroy target artifact or enchantment. Create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token for each fire extinguisher you can see from your seat.

Animate Library

Enchant your library
Enchanted library is an artifact creature on the battlefield with power and toughness each equal to the number of cards in it. It's still a library.
If enchanted library would leave the battlefield, exile Animate Library instead.

Cheatyface

If Cheatyface is in your hand, you may sneak Cheatyface onto the battlefield. If an opponent catches you right away, that player may exile Cheatyface.
Flying

Mind's Desire

Shuffle your library. Then exile the top card of your library. Until end of turn, you may play that card without paying its mana cost.
Storm (When you cast this spell, copy it for each spell cast before it this turn.)

Five-Finger Discount

Put target nonland permanent into your hand. You may spend mana as though it were mana of any color the next time you cast that card.

Pact of the Titan

Create a 4/4 red Giant creature token.
At the beginning of your next upkeep, pay {4}{R}. If you don't, you lose the game.

As long as X is in X's owner's opponent's hand, X's owner may cast X and activate X's abilities. That opponent can't cast X and plays with their hand revealed.
{U}{B}, {T}: Put X into target opponent's hand.
{3}{U}{B}: You may play a land or cast a spell from the hand X is in. If you cast a spell this way, you cast it without paying its mana cost.

It Came from Planet Glurg

You may have It Came from Planet Glurg enter as a copy of X different creatures on the battlefield. (It has their total power, total toughness, combined mana costs, all text boxes, names, art, and so on.)

Smart Ass

Whenever Smart Ass attacks, choose a card name. If defending player has no cards with the chosen name in their hand, they may reveal their hand. If they don't reveal their hand, Smart Ass can't be blocked this turn.

Split Screen

When Split Screen enters, shuffle your library and deal it into four libraries. If anything refers to your library, choose one of your libraries for it.
Play with your libraries' top cards revealed.
When Split Screen leaves the battlefield, shuffle your libraries together.

Aardwolf's Advantage

Creatures you control get +2/+0 and gain alpha strike until end of turn. (A creature with alpha strike has first strike as long as it's blocking or being blocked by a creature that comes after it alphabetically.)

Stomping Ground

({T}: Add {R} or {G}.)
As Stomping Ground enters, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters tapped.

Don't Try This at Home

If a hot source you control would deal damage to a permanent or player, it deals that much damage plus 1 instead. (Something is hot if it has hot things in its art, like fire or explosions.)
{1}{R}, Sacrifice Don't Try This at Home: It deals damage equal to twice the number of hot cards in your graveyard to target creature or planeswalker.

Bronze Calendar

Spells you cast cost {1} less to cast.
You must speak in a voice other than your normal voice.
When you speak in your normal voice, sacrifice Bronze Calendar.

Amped Up

This spell costs {1} less to cast for each electrical socket in a wall or floor you can see from your seat.
Gain control of target creature until end of turn. Untap that creature. Until end of turn, it gets +3/+0 and gains haste.

Sacred Foundry

({T}: Add {R} or {W}.)
As Sacred Foundry enters, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters tapped.

Entirely Normal Armchair

During your turn, if Entirely Normal Armchair is in your hand, you may hide it on the battlefield.
{0}: Return Entirely Normal Armchair to its owner's hand. Only your opponents may activate this ability and only if they see Entirely Normal Armchair.
{2}, Sacrifice Entirely Normal Armchair: Destroy target attacking creature.

Slaughter Pact

Destroy target nonblack creature.
At the beginning of your next upkeep, pay {2}{B}. If you don't, you lose the game.

Grusilda, Monster Masher

Combined, enchanted, and equipped creatures you control have menace.
{3}{B}{R}, {T}: Put two target creature cards from graveyards onto the battlefield combined into one creature under your control. (Its power is equal to their total power, its toughness is equal to their total toughness, and it has their names, mana costs, types, text boxes, etc.)

B-I-N-G-O

Trample
Whenever a player casts a spell, put a chip counter on its mana value.
B-I-N-G-O gets +9/+9 for each set of three numbers in a row with chip counters on them.

Phoebe, Head of S.N.E.A.K.

Phoebe, Head of S.N.E.A.K. can't be blocked by creatures with flavor text.
{2}{U}{B}: Phoebe permanently steals target creature's text box. (That creature loses all rules text, flavor text, and watermarks. This creature gains them.)

Starlight Spectacular

Parade! — At the beginning of combat on your turn, choose creatures you control one at a time until each creature you control has been chosen. Each of those creatures gets +1/+1 until end of turn for each creature chosen before it. (Places everyone! The first creature in line gets +0/+0.)

Hot Fix

You have ten seconds to look at and rearrange the cards in your library. At the end of those ten seconds, if you're touching one or more of those cards, shuffle.

Llanowar Elves

Spirit of the Season

When Spirit of the Season enters, it gains haste if it's summer. Put a +1/+1 counter on it if it's autumn. You gain 5 life if it's winter. If it's spring, search your library for a basic land card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

Arcane Savant

Before you shuffle your deck to start the game, you may reveal this card from your deck and exile an instant or sorcery card you drafted that isn't in your deck.
When Arcane Savant enters, copy a card you exiled with cards named Arcane Savant. You may cast the copy without paying its mana cost.

Kiki-Jiki, Mirror Breaker

Haste
{T}: Create a token that's a copy of target nonlegendary creature you control, except it has haste. Sacrifice it at the beginning of the next end step.

Plate Spinning

Whenever you cast a spell, copy it and you may choose new targets for the copy. Then balance a card from outside the game on one of your fingertips. When that card falls or touches another card, sacrifice Plate Spinning.

Clowning Around

Create two 1/1 white Clown Robot artifact creature tokens, then roll a six-sided die. If the result is equal to or less than the number of Robots you control, create a 1/1 white Clown Robot artifact creature token.

Rat in the Hat

{T}, Sacrifice Rat in the Hat: Until end of turn, you may cast target creature card that has a hat from your graveyard.

Clown Car

When Clown Car enters, roll X six-sided dice. For each odd result, create a 1/1 white Clown Robot artifact creature token. For each even result, put a +1/+1 counter on Clown Car.
Crew 2

Isochron Scepter

Imprint — When Isochron Scepter enters, you may exile an instant card with mana value 2 or less from your hand.
{2}, {T}: You may copy the exiled card. If you do, you may cast the copy without paying its mana cost.

City of Ass

City of Ass enters tapped.
{T}: Add one and one-half mana of any one color.

Elvish House Party

Elvish House Party's power and toughness are each equal to the current hour, using the twelve-hour system.

Temple Garden

({T}: Add {G} or {W}.)
As Temple Garden enters, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters tapped.

Frankie Peanuts

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may ask target player a yes-or-no question. If you do, that player answers the question truthfully and abides by that answer if able until end of turn.

Circuits Act

Roll three six-sided dice. For each different result, create a 1/1 white Clown Robot artifact creature token.

Giant Growth

Target creature gets +3/+3 until end of turn.

Busted!

Counter target spell unless its controller pays {X}, where X is the number of words in the name with the most words among permanents you control.

Forbidden Orchard

{T}: Add one mana of any color.
Whenever you tap Forbidden Orchard for mana, target opponent creates a 1/1 colorless Spirit creature token.

Jetpack Janitor

Alpha strike (This creature has first strike as long as it's blocking or being blocked by a creature that comes after it alphabetically.)

Clocknapper

When Clocknapper enters, choose beginning phase, first main phase, combat phase, postcombat main phase, or ending phase. Steal that phase from target player during their next turn. (That phase occurs as though it's your turn instead.)

Gus enters with a +1/+1 counter on it for each Magic game you have lost to one of your opponents since you last won a game against them.

Face to Face

You and target opponent play a best two-out-of-three Rock, Paper, Scissors match. If you win, Face to Face deals 5 damage to that player.

Everythingamajig

{T}: Add one mana of any color.
{1}, {T}: Say the flavor text on a card in your hand. Target opponent guesses that card's name. You may reveal that card. If you do and your opponent guessed wrong, draw a card.
{8}, {T}: Everythingamajig deals 12 damage to target creature.

Over My Dead Bodies

Creature cards in graveyards can attack and block as though they were on the battlefield, can block or be blocked only by creature cards in graveyards, are Zombies in addition to their other types, and have undeathtouch. (If they would deal damage to a creature card, exile that creature card instead.)
Creature cards in your graveyard have haste.

Autograph Book

Autograph Book enters with a page counter on it for each person who has signed it.
{3}, {T}, Remove a page counter from Autograph Book: Draw a card.

Goblin Haberdasher

Menace (This creature can't be blocked except by two or more creatures.)
Other creatures you control wearing hats in their art have menace.

Thraben Inspector

When Thraben Inspector enters, investigate. (Create a Clue token. It's an artifact with "{2}, Sacrifice this artifact: Draw a card.")

Wordmail

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +1/+1 for each word in its name.

Captain Rex Nebula

At the beginning of combat on your turn, choose target nonland permanent you control. Until end of turn, it becomes a Vehicle artifact with base power and toughness each equal to its mana value, and it gains crew 2 and "Crash Land — Whenever this Vehicle deals damage, roll a six-sided die. If the result is equal to this Vehicle's mana value, sacrifice this Vehicle, then it deals that much damage to any target."

Prismatic Wardrobe

Destroy target nonartifact, nonland permanent that doesn't share a color with clothing worn by its controller.

Baron Von Count

Baron Von Count enters with a doom counter on "5."
Whenever you cast a spell with the indicated numeral in its mana cost, text box, power, or toughness, move the doom counter one numeral to the left.
When the doom counter moves from "1," destroy target player and put that doom counter on "5."

Aurelia, the Warleader

Flying, vigilance, haste
Whenever Aurelia, the Warleader attacks for the first time each turn, untap all creatures you control. After this phase, there is an additional combat phase.

Enter the Dungeon

Players play a Magic subgame under the table, starting at 5 life and using their libraries as their decks. The winner searches their library for two cards, puts those cards into their hand, then shuffles.

Blood Crypt

({T}: Add {B} or {R}.)
As Blood Crypt enters, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters tapped.

"Brims" Barone, Midway Mobster

When "Brims" Barone, Midway Mobster enters, put a +1/+1 counter on each other creature you control that has a hat.
"Brims" Barone, Midway Mobster has menace as long as you're wearing a hat.

Mox Lotus

{T}: Add {∞}.
{100}: Add one mana of any color.

Oblivion Ring

When Oblivion Ring enters, exile another target nonland permanent.
When Oblivion Ring leaves the battlefield, return the exiled card to the battlefield under its owner's control.

Truss, Chief Engineer

Whenever Truss, Chief Engineer enters or another creature dies, put a hack counter on Truss.
{2}, {T}, Remove X hack counters from Truss: Add or subtract X from a number or number word on target spell or permanent until end of turn. This effect can't reduce a number below 1 or a number word below one.

Negate

Summoner's Pact

Search your library for a green creature card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.
At the beginning of your next upkeep, pay {2}{G}{G}. If you don't, you lose the game.

Gingerbrute

Haste (This creature can attack and {T} as soon as it comes under your control.)
{1}: Gingerbrute can't be blocked this turn except by creatures with haste.
{2}, {T}, Sacrifice Gingerbrute: You gain 3 life.

Intervention Pact

The next time a source of your choice would deal damage to you this turn, prevent that damage. You gain life equal to the damage prevented this way.
At the beginning of your next upkeep, pay {1}{W}{W}. If you don't, you lose the game.

Buzzing Whack-a-Doodle

As Buzzing Whack-a-Doodle enters, you and an opponent each secretly choose Whack or Doodle. Then those choices are revealed. If the choices match, Buzzing Whack-a-Doodle has that ability. Otherwise, it has Buzz.
• Whack — {T}: Target player loses 2 life.
• Doodle — {T}: You gain 3 life.
• Buzz — {2}, {T}: Draw a card.

Kindly Cognician

Spells you cast that refer to artifacts or Contraptions in their rules text cost {1} less to cast.

Pair o' Dice Lost

Roll two six-sided dice. Return any number of cards with total mana value X or less from your graveyard to your hand, where X is the total of those results. Exile Pair o' Dice Lost.

Terminus

Put all creatures on the bottom of their owners' libraries.
Miracle {W} (You may cast this card for its miracle cost when you draw it if it's the first card you drew this turn.)

Staying Power

"Until end of turn" and "this turn" effects don't end.

Monastery Swiftspear

Haste
Prowess (Whenever you cast a noncreature spell, this creature gets +1/+1 until end of turn.)

Godless Shrine

({T}: Add {W} or {B}.)
As Godless Shrine enters, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters tapped.

Hydradoodle

As Hydradoodle enters, roll X six-sided dice. Hydradoodle enters with a number of +1/+1 counters on it equal to the total of those results.
Reach, trample

Pact of Negation

Counter target spell.
At the beginning of your next upkeep, pay {3}{U}{U}. If you don't, you lose the game.

Carrion Feeder

Carrion Feeder can't block.
Sacrifice a creature: Put a +1/+1 counter on Carrion Feeder.

Attempted Murder

Choose target creature. Roll X six-sided dice. For each even result, put two -1/-1 counters on that creature. For each odd result, create a 1/2 blue Bird creature token with flying named Storm Crow.

GO TO JAIL

When GO TO JAIL enters, exile target creature an opponent controls until GO TO JAIL leaves the battlefield.
At the beginning of the upkeep of the exiled card's owner, that player rolls two six-sided dice. If they roll doubles, sacrifice GO TO JAIL.

Questionable Cuisine

Return up to two target creature cards from your graveyard to your hand. Create a Food token for each trash can you can see from your seat. (It's an artifact with "{2}, {T}, Sacrifice this artifact: You gain 3 life.")

Granny's Payback

Extremely Slow Zombie

Last strike (This creature deals combat damage after creatures without last strike.)

Spy Eye

Flying
Whenever Spy Eye deals combat damage to a player, you may draw a card from that player's library.

The Countdown Is at One

Players play a Magic subgame, starting at 1 life and using their libraries as their decks. For the rest of the main game, if a source would deal damage to a player who didn't win the subgame, it deals double that damage to that player instead.

Dryad Arbor

(Dryad Arbor isn't a spell, it's affected by summoning sickness, and it has "{T}: Add {G}.")

Monoxa, Midway Manager

Whenever you roll a 3 or higher, Monoxa, Midway Manager gains first strike until end of turn. If the roll was 4 or higher, it gains menace until end of turn. If the roll was 5 or higher, it gains lifelink until end of turn.
{6}: Roll a six-sided die.

Earl of Squirrel

Squirrellink (Damage dealt by this creature also causes you to create that many 1/1 green Squirrel creature tokens.)
Creature tokens you control are Squirrels in addition to their other creature types.
Other Squirrels you control get +1/+1.

Steam Vents

({T}: Add {U} or {R}.)
As Steam Vents enters, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters tapped.

Vedalken Squirrel-Whacker

As Vedalken Squirrel-Whacker enters, roll a six-sided die twice. Its base power becomes the first result and its base toughness becomes the second result.
If you would roll one or more six-sided dice, instead roll them and you may exchange one result with Vedalken Squirrel-Whacker's base power or base toughness.

Double Dip

Choose another player. You gain 5 life. At the beginning of the first upkeep in your next game with that player, you gain 5 life.

Syr Cadian, Knight Owl

Knightlifelink (Damage dealt by Knights you control also causes you to gain that much life.)
{W}: Syr Cadian, Knight Owl gains vigilance until end of turn. Activate only from sunrise to sunset.
{B}: Syr Cadian, Knight Owl gains flying until end of turn. Activate only from sunset to sunrise.

Crow Storm

Create a 1/2 blue Bird creature token with flying named Storm Crow.
Storm (When you cast this spell, copy it for each spell cast before it this turn.)

Nearby Planet

Rangeling (This card is every land type, including Plains, Island, Swamp, Mountain, Forest, Desert, Gate, Lair, Locus, and all those Urza's ones.)
Nearby Planet enters tapped.
When Nearby Planet enters, sacrifice it unless you pay {1}.

Now You See Me . . .

Exile target creature you control, then return it to the battlefield under its owner's control with X +1/+1 counters on it, where X is the number of mirrors on walls you can see from your seat.

Hallowed Fountain

({T}: Add {W} or {U}.)
As Hallowed Fountain enters, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters tapped.

Overgrown Tomb

({T}: Add {B} or {G}.)
As Overgrown Tomb enters, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters tapped.

Six-Sided Die

Choose target creature. Roll a six-sided die.
1 — It has base toughness 1 until end of turn.
2 — Put two -1/-1 counters on it.
3 — Six-Sided Die deals 3 damage to it and you gain 3 life.
4 — It gets -4/-4 until end of turn.
5 — Destroy it.
6 — Exile it.

Graveyard Busybody

All graveyards are also your graveyards.
Graveyard Busybody's power and toughness are each equal to the number of cards with flavor text in your graveyards.

Double Deal

Choose another player. Double Deal deals 3 damage to that player. At the beginning of the first upkeep in your next game with that player, Double Deal deals 3 damage to the player.

Cogwork Librarian

Draft Cogwork Librarian face up.
As you draft a card, you may draft an additional card from that booster pack. If you do, put Cogwork Librarian into that booster pack.

Sole Performer

{T}: Add {T}{T}. Activate only once each turn. (While activating an ability, use {T} rather than tapping the permanent to pay for {T}.)

Magar of the Magic Strings

{1}{B}{R}: Note the name of target instant or sorcery card in your graveyard and put it onto the battlefield face down. It's a 3/3 creature with "Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, you may create a copy of the card with the noted name. You may cast the copy without paying its mana cost" and "If this creature would leave the battlefield, exile it instead of putting it anywhere else."

Park Re-Entry

Return up to two target creature cards that each have a hat and/or mana value 3 or less from your graveyard to the battlefield.

Slaying Mantis

Just a second (As long as this spell is on the stack, players can't move permanents.)
Slaying Mantis enters by being thrown from a distance of at least three feet.
When Slaying Mantis enters, it fights each creature an opponent controls that it touched as it entered.

Rocket-Powered Turbo Slug

Super haste (This may attack the turn before you cast it. (You may put this card from your hand onto the battlefield tapped and attacking during your declare attackers step. If you do, you lose the game at the beginning of your next turn's end step unless you pay this card's mana cost during that turn.))

Fact or Fiction

Reveal the top five cards of your library. An opponent separates those cards into two piles. Put one pile into your hand and the other into your graveyard.