Too Funny To Cut

Mystic Genesis

Counter target spell. Create an X/X green Ooze creature token, where X is that spell's mana value.

Actually good

Garruk's Packleader

Whenever another creature you control with power 3 or greater enters, you may draw a card.

Colossal Skyturtle

Flying, ward {2}
Channel — {2}{G}, Discard Colossal Skyturtle: Return target card from your graveyard to your hand.
Channel — {1}{U}, Discard Colossal Skyturtle: Return target creature to its owner's hand.

Startling Development

Until end of turn, target creature becomes a blue Serpent with base power and toughness 4/4.
Cycling {1} ({1}, Discard this card: Draw a card.)

Mesmerizing Benthid

When Mesmerizing Benthid enters, create two 0/2 blue Illusion creature tokens with "Whenever this creature blocks a creature, that creature doesn't untap during its controller's next untap step."
Mesmerizing Benthid has hexproof as long as you control an Illusion.

Cancel

Bubble Snare

Kicker {2}{U} (You may pay an additional {2}{U} as you cast this spell.)
Enchant creature
When Bubble Snare enters, if it was kicked, tap enchanted creature.
Enchanted creature doesn't untap during its controller's untap step.

Gnarlid Colony

Kicker {2}{G} (You may pay an additional {2}{G} as you cast this spell.)
If this creature was kicked, it enters with two +1/+1 counters on it.
Each creature you control with a +1/+1 counter on it has trample. (It can deal excess combat damage to the player or planeswalker it's attacking.)

Denizen of the Deep

When Denizen of the Deep enters, return each other creature you control to its owner's hand.

Unexpected Results

Shuffle your library, then reveal the top card. If it's a nonland card, you may cast it without paying its mana cost. If it's a land card, you may put it onto the battlefield and return Unexpected Results to its owner's hand.

Gyre Sage

Evolve (Whenever a creature you control enters, if that creature has greater power or toughness than this creature, put a +1/+1 counter on this creature.)
{T}: Add {G} for each +1/+1 counter on Gyre Sage.

Rabid Bite

Target creature you control deals damage equal to its power to target creature you don't control.

Bear Down

Destroy target artifact or enchantment. (Then exile this card. You may cast the creature later from exile.)

Stormkeld Vanguard

Stormkeld Vanguard can't be blocked by creatures with power 2 or less.

Stormkeld Vanguard // Bear Down

Open into Wonder

X target creatures can't be blocked this turn. Until end of turn, those creatures gain "Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, draw a card."

Callaphe, Beloved of the Sea

Callaphe's power is equal to your devotion to blue. (Each {U} in the mana costs of permanents you control counts toward your devotion to blue.)
Creatures and enchantments you control have "Spells your opponents cast that target this permanent cost {1} more to cast."

Ruinous Intrusion

Exile target artifact or enchantment. Put X +1/+1 counters on target creature you control, where X is the mana value of the permanent exiled this way.

Negate

Ilysian Caryatid

{T}: Add one mana of any color. If you control a creature with power 4 or greater, add two mana of any one color instead.

Kasmina's Transmutation

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature loses all abilities and has base power and toughness 1/1.

Over the Edge

Choose one —
• Destroy target artifact or enchantment.
• Target creature you control explores, then it explores again. (Reveal the top card of your library. Put that card into your hand if it's a land. Otherwise, put a +1/+1 counter on that creature, then put the card back or put it into your graveyard. Then repeat this process.)

Nimbus Swimmer

Flying
Nimbus Swimmer enters with X +1/+1 counters on it.

Up the Beanstalk

When Up the Beanstalk enters and whenever you cast a spell with mana value 5 or greater, draw a card.

Nadir Kraken

Whenever you draw a card, you may pay {1}. If you do, put a +1/+1 counter on Nadir Kraken and create a 1/1 blue Tentacle creature token.

Verazol, the Split Current

Verazol, the Split Current enters with a +1/+1 counter on it for each mana spent to cast it.
Whenever you cast a kicked spell, you may remove two +1/+1 counters from Verazol. If you do, copy that spell. You may choose new targets for the copy. (A copy of a permanent spell becomes a token.)

Tolarian Kraken

Whenever you draw a card, you may pay {1}. When you do, you may tap or untap target creature.

Stormsurge Kraken

Hexproof
Lieutenant — As long as you control your commander, Stormsurge Kraken gets +2/+2 and has "Whenever Stormsurge Kraken becomes blocked, you may draw two cards."

Ram Through

Target creature you control deals damage equal to its power to target creature you don't control. If the creature you control has trample, excess damage is dealt to that creature's controller instead.

Forest

Myriad Construct

Kicker {3}
If Myriad Construct was kicked, it enters with a +1/+1 counter on it for each nonbasic land your opponents control.
When Myriad Construct becomes the target of a spell, sacrifice it and create a number of 1/1 colorless Construct artifact creature tokens equal to its power.

Slinn Voda, the Rising Deep

Kicker {1}{U} (You may pay an additional {1}{U} as you cast this spell.)
When Slinn Voda, the Rising Deep enters, if it was kicked, return all creatures to their owners' hands except for Merfolk, Krakens, Leviathans, Octopuses, and Serpents.

Somberwald Sage

{T}: Add three mana of any one color. Spend this mana only to cast creature spells.

Kiora, Sovereign of the Deep

Vigilance, ward {3}
Whenever you cast a Kraken, Leviathan, Octopus, or Serpent spell from your hand, look at the top X cards of your library, where X is that spell's mana value. You may cast a spell with mana value less than X from among them without paying its mana cost. Put the rest on the bottom of your library in a random order.

Tatyova, Benthic Druid

Landfall — Whenever a land you control enters, you gain 1 life and draw a card.

Twist Reality

Choose one —
• Counter target spell.
• Manifest dread. (Look at the top two cards of your library. Put one onto the battlefield face down as a 2/2 creature and the other into your graveyard. Turn it face up any time for its mana cost if it's a creature card.)

Wear Down

Gift a card (You may promise an opponent a gift as you cast this spell. If you do, they draw a card before its other effects.)
Destroy target artifact or enchantment. If the gift was promised, instead destroy two target artifacts and/or enchantments.

Keen Glidemaster

{2}{U}: Target creature gains flying until end of turn.

Archipelagore

Mutate {5}{U} (If you cast this spell for its mutate cost, put it over or under target non-Human creature you own. They mutate into the creature on top plus all abilities from under it.)
Whenever this creature mutates, tap up to X target creatures, where X is the number of times this creature has mutated. Those creatures don't untap during their controller's next untap step.

Security Bypass

Enchant creature
As long as enchanted creature is attacking alone, it can't be blocked.
Enchanted creature has "Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, it connives." (Its controller draws a card, then discards a card. If they discarded a nonland card, they put a +1/+1 counter on this creature.)

Verity Circle

Whenever a creature an opponent controls becomes tapped, if it isn't being declared as an attacker, you may draw a card.
{4}{U}: Tap target creature without flying.

Pursued Whale

When Pursued Whale enters, each opponent creates a 1/1 red Pirate creature token with "This creature can't block" and "Creatures you control attack each combat if able."
Spells your opponents cast that target Pursued Whale cost {3} more to cast.

Wormhole Serpent

{3}{U}: Target creature can't be blocked this turn.

Essence Capture

Counter target creature spell. Put a +1/+1 counter on up to one target creature you control.

Storm Reading

Draw four cards, then discard two cards. (Then exile this card. You may cast the creature later from exile.)

Galvanic Giant

Whenever you cast a spell with mana value 5 or greater, tap target creature an opponent controls and put a stun counter on it.

Galvanic Giant // Storm Reading

Arixmethes, Slumbering Isle

Arixmethes, Slumbering Isle enters tapped with five slumber counters on it.
As long as Arixmethes has a slumber counter on it, it's a land. (It's not a creature.)
Whenever you cast a spell, you may remove a slumber counter from Arixmethes.
{T}: Add {G}{U}.

Nature's Lore

Search your library for a Forest card, put that card onto the battlefield, then shuffle.

Scourge of Fleets

When Scourge of Fleets enters, return each creature your opponents control with toughness X or less to its owner's hand, where X is the number of Islands you control.

Simic Keyrune

{T}: Add {G} or {U}.
{G}{U}: Simic Keyrune becomes a 2/3 green and blue Crab artifact creature with hexproof until end of turn. (It can't be the target of spells or abilities your opponents control.)

Whelming Wave

Return all creatures to their owners' hands except for Krakens, Leviathans, Octopuses, and Serpents.

Wildest Dreams

Return X target cards from your graveyard to your hand. Exile Wildest Dreams.

Hydroid Krasis

When you cast this spell, you gain half X life and draw half X cards. Round down each time.
Flying, trample
Hydroid Krasis enters with X +1/+1 counters on it.

Mirrorshell Crab

Ward {3} (Whenever this creature becomes the target of a spell or ability an opponent controls, counter it unless that player pays {3}.)
Channel — {2}{U}, Discard Mirrorshell Crab: Counter target spell or ability unless its controller pays {3}.

Gyre Engineer

Snapping Voidcraw

Devoid (This card has no color.)
{T}: Add {C}{C}.
{3}{C}, {T}: Draw a card.

Fanatic of Rhonas

{T}: Add {G}.
Ferocious — {T}: Add {G}{G}{G}{G}. Activate only if you control a creature with power 4 or greater.
Eternalize {2}{G}{G} ({2}{G}{G}, Exile this card from your graveyard: Create a token that's a copy of it, except it's a 4/4 black Zombie Snake Druid with no mana cost. Eternalize only as a sorcery.)

Troyan, Gutsy Explorer

{T}: Add {G}{U}. Spend this mana only to cast spells with mana value 5 or greater or spells with {X} in their mana costs.
{U}, {T}: Draw a card, then discard a card.

Tromokratis

Tromokratis has hexproof unless it's attacking or blocking.
Tromokratis can't be blocked unless all creatures defending player controls block it. (If any creature that player controls doesn't block this creature, it can't be blocked.)

Bronze Walrus

When Bronze Walrus enters, scry 2. (Look at the top two cards of your library, then put any number of them on the bottom and the rest on top in any order.)
{T}: Add one mana of any color.

Tidal Terror

Whenever Tidal Terror attacks, you may tap two other untapped creatures you control. If you do, Tidal Terror can't be blocked this turn.
Islandcycling {2} ({2}, Discard this card: Search your library for an Island card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.)

Kiora's Dambreaker

When Kiora's Dambreaker enters, proliferate. (Choose any number of permanents and/or players, then give each another counter of each kind already there.)

Ulvenwald Behemoth

Trample, haste
Other creatures you control get +1/+1 and have trample and haste.

Ulvenwald Oddity

Trample, haste
{5}{G}{G}: Transform Ulvenwald Oddity.

Ulvenwald Oddity // Ulvenwald Behemoth

Capsizing Wave

Return target creature to its owner's hand. (Then exile this card. You may cast the creature later from exile.)

Sword Coast Serpent

Sword Coast Serpent can't be blocked as long as you've cast a noncreature spell this turn.

Sword Coast Serpent // Capsizing Wave

Cultivate

Search your library for up to two basic land cards, reveal those cards, put one onto the battlefield tapped and the other into your hand, then shuffle.

Island

Caller of Gales

{1}{U}, {T}: Target creature gains flying until end of turn.

Ingenious Prodigy

Skulk (This creature can't be blocked by creatures with greater power.)
Ingenious Prodigy enters with X +1/+1 counters on it.
At the beginning of your upkeep, if Ingenious Prodigy has one or more +1/+1 counters on it, you may remove a +1/+1 counter from it. If you do, draw a card.

Garruk's Uprising

When this enchantment enters, if you control a creature with power 4 or greater, draw a card.
Creatures you control have trample. (Each of those creatures can deal excess combat damage to the player or planeswalker it's attacking.)
Whenever a creature you control with power 4 or greater enters, draw a card.

Aethersquall Ancient

Flying
At the beginning of your upkeep, you get {E}{E}{E} (three energy counters).
Pay eight {E}: Return all other creatures to their owners' hands. Activate only as a sorcery.

Loan Shark

When Loan Shark enters, if you've cast two or more spells this turn, draw a card.
Plot {3}{U} (You may pay {3}{U} and exile this card from your hand. Cast it as a sorcery on a later turn without paying its mana cost. Plot only as a sorcery.)

Wose Pathfinder

{T}: Add one mana of any color.
{6}{G}, {T}: Another target creature gets +3/+3 and gains trample until end of turn.

Goreclaw, Terror of Qal Sisma

Creature spells you cast with power 4 or greater cost {2} less to cast.
Whenever Goreclaw, Terror of Qal Sisma attacks, each creature you control with power 4 or greater gets +1/+1 and gains trample until end of turn.

Weaver of Currents

Brinelin, the Moon Kraken

When Brinelin, the Moon Kraken enters and whenever you cast a spell with mana value 6 or greater, you may return target nonland permanent to its owner's hand.
Partner (You can have two commanders if both have partner.)