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Guff Rewrites History

For each player, choose target nonenchantment, nonland permanent that player controls. Those permanents' owners shuffle them into their libraries. Each player who controlled one of those permanents exiles cards from the top of their library until they exile a nonland card, then puts the rest on the bottom of their library in a random order. Each player may cast the nonland card they exiled without paying its mana cost.

Unstoppable Slasher

Deathtouch
Whenever Unstoppable Slasher deals combat damage to a player, they lose half their life, rounded up.
When Unstoppable Slasher dies, if it had no counters on it, return it to the battlefield tapped under its owner's control with two stun counters on it.

Jeska's Will

Choose one. If you control a commander as you cast this spell, you may choose both instead.
• Add {R} for each card in target opponent's hand.
• Exile the top three cards of your library. You may play them this turn.

Braids, Arisen Nightmare

At the beginning of your end step, you may sacrifice an artifact, creature, enchantment, land, or planeswalker. If you do, each opponent may sacrifice a permanent of their choice that shares a card type with it. For each opponent who doesn't, that player loses 2 life and you draw a card.

Risk Factor

Target opponent may have Risk Factor deal 4 damage to them. If that player doesn't, you draw three cards.
Jump-start (You may cast this card from your graveyard by discarding a card in addition to paying its other costs. Then exile this card.)

Kederekt Parasite

Whenever an opponent draws a card, if you control a red permanent, you may have Kederekt Parasite deal 1 damage to that player.

Oubliette

When Oubliette enters, target creature phases out until Oubliette leaves the battlefield. Tap that creature as it phases in this way. (Auras and Equipment phase out with it. While permanents are phased out, they're treated as though they don't exist.)

Syr Konrad, the Grim

Whenever another creature dies, or a creature card is put into a graveyard from anywhere other than the battlefield, or a creature card leaves your graveyard, Syr Konrad, the Grim deals 1 damage to each opponent.
{1}{B}: Each player mills a card. (They each put the top card of their library into their graveyard.)

Sol Ring

Morbid Opportunist

Whenever one or more other creatures die, draw a card. This ability triggers only once each turn.

Theater of Horrors

At the beginning of your upkeep, exile the top card of your library.
During your turn, if an opponent lost life this turn, you may play lands and cast spells from among cards exiled with Theater of Horrors.
{3}{R}: Theater of Horrors deals 1 damage to target opponent or planeswalker.

Kaervek the Merciless

Whenever an opponent casts a spell, Kaervek the Merciless deals damage equal to that spell's mana value to any target.

Chandra's Ignition

Target creature you control deals damage equal to its power to each other creature and each opponent.

Shivan Gorge

{T}: Add {C}.
{2}{R}, {T}: Shivan Gorge deals 1 damage to each opponent.

Coalition Relic

{T}: Add one mana of any color.
{T}: Put a charge counter on Coalition Relic.
At the beginning of your first main phase, remove all charge counters from Coalition Relic. Add one mana of any color for each charge counter removed this way.

Skyclave Relic

Kicker {3}
Indestructible
When Skyclave Relic enters, if it was kicked, create two tapped tokens that are copies of Skyclave Relic.
{T}: Add one mana of any color.

Crawlspace

No more than two creatures can attack you each combat.

Witch's Clinic

{T}: Add {C}.
{2}, {T}: Target commander gains lifelink until end of turn.

Sonic Screwdriver

{T}: Add one mana of any color.
{1}, {T}: Untap another target artifact.
{2}, {T}: Scry 1. (Look at the top card of your library. You may put that card on the bottom.)
{3}, {T}: Target creature can't be blocked this turn.

Grafdigger's Cage

Creature cards in graveyards and libraries can't enter the battlefield.
Players can't cast spells from graveyards or libraries.

Worn Powerstone

Worn Powerstone enters tapped.
{T}: Add {C}{C}.

Light Up the Stage

Spectacle {R} (You may cast this spell for its spectacle cost rather than its mana cost if an opponent lost life this turn.)
Exile the top two cards of your library. Until the end of your next turn, you may play those cards.

Grievous Wound

Enchant player
Enchanted player can't gain life.
Whenever enchanted player is dealt damage, they lose half their life, rounded up.

The Rollercrusher Ride

Delirium — If a source you control would deal noncombat damage to a permanent or player while there are four or more card types among cards in your graveyard, it deals double that damage instead.
When The Rollercrusher Ride enters, it deals X damage to each of up to X target creatures.

Commander's Sphere

{T}: Add one mana of any color in your commander's color identity.
Sacrifice Commander's Sphere: Draw a card.

Mountain

Florian, Voldaren Scion

First strike
At the beginning of each of your postcombat main phases, look at the top X cards of your library, where X is the total amount of life your opponents lost this turn. Exile one of those cards and put the rest on the bottom of your library in a random order. You may play the exiled card this turn.

Blasphemous Act

This spell costs {1} less to cast for each creature on the battlefield.
Blasphemous Act deals 13 damage to each creature.

Getting

The Lord of Pain

Menace
Your opponents can't gain life.
Whenever a player casts their first spell each turn, choose another target player. The Lord of Pain deals damage equal to that spell's mana value to the chosen player.

Read the Bones

Scry 2, then draw two cards. You lose 2 life. (To scry 2, look at the top two cards of your library, then put any number of them on the bottom and the rest on top in any order.)

Protection Racket

At the beginning of your upkeep, repeat the following process for each opponent in turn order. Reveal the top card of your library. That player may pay life equal to that card's mana value. If they do, exile that card. Otherwise, put it into your hand.

Sadistic Shell Game

Starting with the next opponent in turn order, each player chooses a creature you don't control. Destroy the chosen creatures.

Command Tower

{T}: Add one mana of any color in your commander's color identity.

Withering Torment

Destroy target creature or enchantment. You lose 2 life.

Hearthborn Battler

Haste
Whenever a player casts their second spell each turn, Hearthborn Battler deals 2 damage to target opponent.

Dragonskull Summit

Dragonskull Summit enters tapped unless you control a Swamp or a Mountain.
{T}: Add {B} or {R}.

Blood for the Blood God!

This spell costs {1} less to cast for each creature that died this turn.
Discard your hand, then draw eight cards. Blood for the Blood God! deals 8 damage to each opponent. Exile Blood for the Blood God!

Phial of Galadriel

If you would draw a card while you have no cards in hand, draw two cards instead.
If you would gain life while you have 5 or less life, you gain twice that much life instead.
{T}: Add one mana of any color.

Come Back Wrong

Destroy target creature. If a creature card is put into a graveyard this way, return it to the battlefield under your control. Sacrifice it at the beginning of your next end step.

Vial Smasher the Fierce

Whenever you cast your first spell each turn, choose an opponent at random. Vial Smasher the Fierce deals damage equal to that spell's mana value to that player or a planeswalker that player controls.
Partner (You can have two commanders if both have partner.)

Phyrexian Arena

At the beginning of your upkeep, you draw a card and you lose 1 life.

Dark Ritual

Bloodstained Mire

{T}, Pay 1 life, Sacrifice Bloodstained Mire: Search your library for a Swamp or Mountain card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle.

Fire Covenant

As an additional cost to cast this spell, pay X life.
Fire Covenant deals X damage divided as you choose among any number of target creatures.

Mithril Coat

Flash
Indestructible
When Mithril Coat enters, attach it to target legendary creature you control.
Equipped creature has indestructible.
Equip {3}

Smoldering Marsh

({T}: Add {B} or {R}.)
Smoldering Marsh enters tapped unless you control two or more basic lands.

Cursed Mirror

{T}: Add {R}.
As Cursed Mirror enters, you may have it become a copy of any creature on the battlefield until end of turn, except it has haste.

Bedevil

Destroy target artifact, creature, or planeswalker.

Evolving Wilds

{T}, Sacrifice Evolving Wilds: Search your library for a basic land card, put it onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.

Obosh, the Preypiercer

Companion — Your starting deck contains only cards with odd mana values and land cards. (If this card is your chosen companion, you may put it into your hand from outside the game for {3} as a sorcery.)
If a source you control with an odd mana value would deal damage to a permanent or player, it deals double that damage to that permanent or player instead.

Blood Pact

Target player draws two cards and loses 2 life.

Star Athlete

Menace
Whenever Star Athlete attacks, choose up to one target nonland permanent. Its controller may sacrifice it. If they don't, Star Athlete deals 5 damage to that player.
Blitz {3}{R} (If you cast this spell for its blitz cost, it gains haste and "When this creature dies, draw a card." Sacrifice it at the beginning of the next end step.)

Chaos Warp

The owner of target permanent shuffles it into their library, then reveals the top card of their library. If it's a permanent card, they put it onto the battlefield.

Blazemire Verge

{T}: Add {B}.
{T}: Add {R}. Activate only if you control a Swamp or a Mountain.

Rug of Smothering

Flying
Whenever a player casts a spell, they lose 1 life for each spell they've cast this turn.

Maze of Ith

{T}: Untap target attacking creature. Prevent all combat damage that would be dealt to and dealt by that creature this turn.

Bloodchief Ascension

At the beginning of each end step, if an opponent lost 2 or more life this turn, you may put a quest counter on Bloodchief Ascension. (Damage causes loss of life.)
Whenever a card is put into an opponent's graveyard from anywhere, if Bloodchief Ascension has three or more quest counters on it, you may have that player lose 2 life. If you do, you gain 2 life.

Underworld Dreams

Whenever an opponent draws a card, Underworld Dreams deals 1 damage to that player.

Basilisk Collar

Equipped creature has deathtouch and lifelink.
Equip {2}

Mask of Griselbrand

Equipped creature has flying and lifelink.
Whenever equipped creature dies, you may pay X life, where X is its power. If you do, draw X cards.
Equip {3}

Rampaging Ferocidon

Menace
Players can't gain life.
Whenever another creature enters, Rampaging Ferocidon deals 1 damage to that creature's controller.

Zo-Zu the Punisher

Whenever a land enters, Zo-Zu the Punisher deals 2 damage to that land's controller.

Cavern-Hoard Dragon

This spell costs {X} less to cast, where X is the greatest number of artifacts an opponent controls.
Flying, trample, haste
Whenever Cavern-Hoard Dragon deals combat damage to a player, you create a Treasure token for each artifact that player controls.

Brash Taunter

Indestructible
Whenever Brash Taunter is dealt damage, it deals that much damage to target opponent.
{2}{R}, {T}: Brash Taunter fights another target creature.

Toxic Deluge

As an additional cost to cast this spell, pay X life.
All creatures get -X/-X until end of turn.

Gleeful Arsonist

Whenever an opponent casts a noncreature spell, Gleeful Arsonist deals damage equal to its power to that player.
Undying (When this creature dies, if it had no +1/+1 counters on it, return it to the battlefield under its owner's control with a +1/+1 counter on it.)

Not Dead After All

Until end of turn, target creature you control gains "When this creature dies, return it to the battlefield tapped under its owner's control, then create a Wicked Role token attached to it." (Enchanted creature gets +1/+1. When this Aura is put into a graveyard, each opponent loses 1 life.)

Heartless Hidetsugu

{T}: Heartless Hidetsugu deals damage to each player equal to half that player's life total, rounded down.

Scytheclaw Raptor

Whenever a player casts a spell, if it's not their turn, Scytheclaw Raptor deals 4 damage to them.

Exotic Orchard

{T}: Add one mana of any color that a land an opponent controls could produce.

Swamp

Valgavoth, Terror Eater

Flying, lifelink
Ward—Sacrifice three nonland permanents.
If a card you didn't control would be put into an opponent's graveyard from anywhere, exile it instead.
During your turn, you may play cards exiled with Valgavoth. If you cast a spell this way, pay life equal to its mana value rather than pay its mana cost.

Karazikar, the Eye Tyrant

Whenever you attack a player, tap target creature that player controls and goad it. (Until your next turn, that creature attacks each combat if able and attacks a player other than you if able.)
Whenever an opponent attacks another one of your opponents, you and the attacking player each draw a card and lose 1 life.

Sin Prodder

Menace
At the beginning of your upkeep, reveal the top card of your library. Any opponent may have you put that card into your graveyard. If a player does, Sin Prodder deals damage to that player equal to that card's mana value. Otherwise, put that card into your hand.

Foreboding Ruins

As Foreboding Ruins enters, you may reveal a Swamp or Mountain card from your hand. If you don't, Foreboding Ruins enters tapped.
{T}: Add {B} or {R}.

Rakdos Carnarium

Rakdos Carnarium enters tapped.
When Rakdos Carnarium enters, return a land you control to its owner's hand.
{T}: Add {B}{R}.

Persistent Constrictor

At the beginning of each opponent's upkeep, they lose 1 life and you put a -1/-1 counter on up to one target creature they control.
Persist (When this creature dies, if it had no -1/-1 counters on it, return it to the battlefield under its owner's control with a -1/-1 counter on it.)

Lightning Bolt

Lightning Bolt deals 3 damage to any target.

Rogue's Passage

{T}: Add {C}.
{4}, {T}: Target creature can't be blocked this turn.

Stuffy Doll

Indestructible
As Stuffy Doll enters, choose a player.
Whenever Stuffy Doll is dealt damage, it deals that much damage to the chosen player.
{T}: Stuffy Doll deals 1 damage to itself.

Exquisite Blood

Whenever an opponent loses life, you gain that much life.

Painful Quandary

Whenever an opponent casts a spell, that player loses 5 life unless they discard a card.