Terry Pin, Turboturtle

Flash
Haste
You may ignore the words "Activate only as a sorcery" while activating abilities.

Hoisted Hireling

Hoisted Hireling has flying as long as it's being held above the battlefield.

T.A.P.P.E.R.

{T}, Tap an untapped creature you control that has a hat: Tap target creature.

Unicycle

First strike, haste
Equipped creature has first strike and haste.
Equip {1}
Crew 1

Enchantmentize

Enchant creature or enchantment
Enchanted permanent is an enchantment and loses all other card types. (It still has its abilities, but it's no longer a creature.)

Pinchy McStingbutt

Deathtouch
Whenever Pinchy McStingbutt deals combat damage to a player, conjure a card named Death of a Thousand Stings, Lethal Sting, or Stinging Shot at random into your hand and reveal it. (Treat conjured cards like cards.)

Supersize

Target creature gets +3½/+3½ until end of turn.

Dairy Cow

Grazing type (This creature enters the battlefield with five milk counters on it for each Forest and/or Plant you control.)

Five-Finger Discount

Put target nonland permanent into your hand. You may spend mana as though it were mana of any color the next time you cast that card.

Poultrygeist

Flying
Whenever a creature dies, you may roll a six-sided die. If you roll a 1, sacrifice Poultrygeist. Otherwise, put a +1/+1 counter on Poultrygeist.

Gobsmacked

Enchant nonland permanent
As Gobsmacked enters, choose a person outside the game.
As long as you can see the chosen person from your seat, enchanted permanent can't attack or block, and its activated abilities can't be activated.

Processing Plant

Processing Plant enters the battlefield tapped.
When Processing Plant enters the battlefield, you may put a card an opponent owns from exile into that player's graveyard. If you do, untap Processing Plant. Otherwise, exile the top card of each opponent's library.
{T}: Add {W}, {U}, {B}, or {C}.

Whenever a creature deals damage to a player, that player may say "Ow" once for each permanent named Ow. If the player doesn't, Ow deals 1 damage to them.

Seasoned Weaponsmith

Tasty (This creature can be attacked directly. If it is attacked, it can't block creatures that didn't attack it.)

Problematic Volcano

When Problematic Volcano enters, it deals 4 damage to any target. Then, starting with you, each player assigns their creatures to the left or right of the volcano. Creatures enter to the left or right of the volcano.
Creatures can't block creatures on the other side of the volcano.

Lifening Elemental

Lifelink
Splice onto instant or sorcery {1}{B} (As you cast an instant or sorcery spell, you may reveal this card from your hand and pay its splice cost. If you do, add this card's abilities to that spell. It's still an instant or sorcery spell.)

Assquatch

Each other Donkey gets +1½/+1½.
Whenever another Donkey enters, untap target creature and gain control of it until end of turn. That creature gains haste until end of turn.

Trigger Happy

Choose a triggered ability of target permanent. It triggers. You control that ability.

Rule with an Even Hand

(Start the game with this conspiracy face up in the command zone.)
You can't attack with an odd number of creatures.
Whenever you attack, double target creature's power until end of turn.

Oddric, Lunar Marquis

At the beginning of each combat, creatures you control gain banding until end of turn if a creature you control has banding. The same is true for changeling, devoid, fear, flanking, horsemanship, ingest, intimidate, landwalk, shroud, tantrum, wither, and the activated ability "Sacrifice this creature: Add {C}."

Mine, Mine, Mine!

When Mine, Mine, Mine! enters, each player puts their library into their hand.
Players have no maximum hand size and don't lose the game for drawing from an empty library.
Each player can't cast more than one spell each turn.
When Mine, Mine, Mine! leaves the battlefield, each player shuffles their hand and graveyard into their library.

Everythingamajig

{2}, {T}: Move a counter from one permanent onto another. If the second permanent refers to any kind of counter, the moved counter becomes one of those counters. Otherwise, it becomes a +1/+1 counter.
{3}, {T}: Put a +1/+1 counter on target creature.
{4}, {T}: Proliferate. (Choose any number of permanents and/or players, then give each another counter of each kind already there.)

Urza's Science Fair Project

{2}: Roll a six-sided die. Urza's Science Fair Project gets the indicated result.
1 — It gets -2/-2 until end of turn.
2 — Prevent all combat damage it would deal this turn.
3 — It gains vigilance until end of turn.
4 — It gains first strike until end of turn.
5 — It gains flying until end of turn.
6 — It gets +2/+2 until end of turn.

Canal Dredger

Draft Canal Dredger face up.
Each player passes the last card from each booster pack to a player who drafted a card named Canal Dredger.
{T}: Put target card from your graveyard on the bottom of your library.

Look at Me, I'm the DCI

Ban a card other than a basic land card for the rest of the match. (All cards with that name in any zone or sideboard are removed from the match.)

Destroy target creature with reminder text. (Reminder text is any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)

Puresteel Angel

Flying, indestructible
When Puresteel Angel enters, exile all artifacts that aren't colorless.
Whenever Puresteel Angel deals combat damage to a player, you get an emblem with "If you would lose the game, instead your life total becomes 20, shuffle your graveyard into your library, you lose all poison counters, and you lose this emblem."

Prismatic Wardrobe

Destroy target nonartifact, nonland permanent that doesn't share a color with clothing worn by its controller.

GO TO JAIL

When GO TO JAIL enters, exile target creature an opponent controls until GO TO JAIL leaves the battlefield.
At the beginning of the upkeep of the exiled card's owner, that player rolls two six-sided dice. If they roll doubles, sacrifice GO TO JAIL.

The Ultimate Nightmare of Wizards of the Coast® Customer Service

The Ultimate Nightmare of Wizards of the Coast® Customer Service deals X damage to each of Y target creatures and Z target players or planeswalkers.

The Grand Tour

Exile target permanent, then put it into its owner's hand. That player discards that card, then puts it on top of their library. Then they put it onto the battlefield.

Recycla-bird

Flying
When Recycla-bird dies, put a flying counter on target creature you control.

Sovereign's Realm

(Start the game with this conspiracy face up in the command zone.)
Your starting deck can't have basic land cards and your starting hand size is five.
Exile a card from your hand: This turn, you may play basic lands from outside the game.
Basic lands you control have "{T}: Add one mana of any color."

Garbage Elemental

Cascade (When you cast this spell, exile cards from the top of your library until you exile a nonland card that costs less. You may cast it without paying its mana cost. Put the exiled cards on the bottom in a random order.)
When Garbage Elemental enters, roll a six-sided die. Garbage Elemental deals damage equal to the result to target opponent or planeswalker.

AWOL

Exile target attacking creature. Then remove it from the game. Then put it into the absolutely-removed-from-the-freaking-game-forever zone.

Very Cryptic Command

Choose two —
• Counter target black-bordered spell.
• Return target creature to its owner's hand.
• Untap each permanent you control with a watermark.
• Roll two six-sided dice. Target player mills X cards, where X is the total of those results.

Arcane Savant

Before you shuffle your deck to start the game, you may reveal this card from your deck and exile an instant or sorcery card you drafted that isn't in your deck.
When Arcane Savant enters, copy a card you exiled with cards named Arcane Savant. You may cast the copy without paying its mana cost.

Sacrifice a land: You gain 2 life.
Sacrifice a creature: Add {C}{C}.
{2}, Discard a card: Search your library for a card that shares a complete word in its name with the name of the discarded card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

Snickering Squirrel

You may tap Snickering Squirrel to increase the result of a die any player rolled by 1.

Baron Von Count

Baron Von Count enters with a doom counter on "5."
Whenever you cast a spell with the indicated numeral in its mana cost, text box, power, or toughness, move the doom counter one numeral to the left.
When the doom counter moves from "1," destroy target player and put that doom counter on "5."

Knight of the Kitchen Sink

First strike, protection from black borders (Nothing with a black border can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to this creature.)

Squidnapper

When Squidnapper enters, gain control of target creature an opponent controls until Squidnapper leaves the battlefield or that player pays the ransom.
Ransom — {6} and 2 life

"Brims" Barone, Midway Mobster

When "Brims" Barone, Midway Mobster enters, put a +1/+1 counter on each other creature you control that has a hat.
"Brims" Barone, Midway Mobster has menace as long as you're wearing a hat.

Far Out

Rather than choose the indicated number of modes for spells and abilities you control, you may choose one or more modes. You can't choose any mode more than once.

Hish of the Snake Cult

Nagas and Serpents you control are Snakes. (We'll errata this to be true.)
Snakes you control have daunt, deathtouch, and poisonous 2. (A creature with daunt can't be blocked by creatures with power 2 or less. Whenever a creature with poisonous 2 deals combat damage to a player, that player gets two poison counters.)

Double Cross

Choose another player. Look at that player's hand and choose a card other than a basic land card from it. They discard that card. At the beginning of the first upkeep in your next game with that player, look at that player's hand and choose a card other than a basic land card from it. They discard that card.

Soulmates

Enchant two creatures
Enchanted creatures each get +1/+1 and have hexproof.
When one of the enchanted creatures dies, destroy the other.

More or Less

Add or subtract 1 or one from a number or number word on target spell or permanent until end of turn.

Meet and Greet "Sisay"

Whenever you cast a spell, choose one —
• Flavor — Meet and Greet "Sisay" gets +1/+1 until end of turn for each line of flavor text that spell has.
• History — Create a Treasure token if that spell doesn't share an expansion symbol with a permanent you control or a card in your graveyard.

Glade of the Pump Spells

(You have to pay {2}{G} to play this land as your land drop. It's green.)
When Glade of the Pump Spells enters the battlefield, up to one target creature gets +2/+2 and gains trample until end of turn.
{T}: Add {G}{G}.

Creepy Crawler

Menace, reach
Whenever Creepy Crawler deals combat damage to a player who is afraid of you, that player discards a card and you draw a card. (An opponent is afraid of you if a Horror, Nightmare, enchantment, or face-down creature you control entered the battlefield or attacked them this turn.)

Orb of Origin

{2}: Add one mana of any color.
Other noncreature artifacts are mono and continuous. (Each activated ability of mono artifacts costs an additional {T} to activate if its cost doesn't already include {T}. As long as a continuous artifact is tapped, it loses all abilities.)

Scooch

Add or subtract 1 from target creature's power, target player's life total, or target die roll's result.
Draw a card.

Yawgmoth's Day Planner

{T}, Pay 2 life: Add {B}{B}.
You may cast spells from your graveyard. Only mana produced by abilities that caused you to lose life may be spent to cast spells this way. (Damage causes loss of life.)
If a card would be put into your graveyard from anywhere, exile it instead.

Clown Car

When Clown Car enters, roll X six-sided dice. For each odd result, create a 1/1 white Clown Robot artifact creature token. For each even result, put a +1/+1 counter on Clown Car.
Crew 2

Now I Know My ABC's

At the beginning of your upkeep, if you control permanents with names that include all twenty-six letters of the English alphabet, you win the game.

Mad Science Fair Project

{T}: Roll a six-sided die. On a 3 or lower, target player adds {C}. Otherwise, that player adds one mana of any color they choose.

Elvish Impersonators

As Elvish Impersonators enters, roll a six-sided die twice. Its base power becomes the first result and its base toughness becomes the second result.

Call from the Grave

Put a random creature from a random graveyard into play under your control. Call from the Grave deals to you an amount of damage equal to that creature's casting cost.

Generated Horizons

At the beginning of your upkeep, create a Forest land token.

Bucket List

Whenever you cast a spell of a type showing on Bucket List, put a counter over that type and draw a card. If all five types on Bucket List have counters over them, sacrifice it and draw one more card.
☐ artifact ☐ creature ☐ enchantment ☐ instant ☐ sorcery

Mirror Mirror

Mirror Mirror enters tapped.
{7}, {T}, Sacrifice Mirror Mirror: Choose target player. At the beginning of the next end step, exchange life totals with that player, exchange control of all permanents you and that player control, and exchange cards in your hands, cards in your libraries, and cards in your graveyards.

City of Ass

City of Ass enters tapped.
{T}: Add one and one-half mana of any one color.

Anax and Cymede & Kynaios and Tiro

First strike, vigilance
Heroic — Whenever you cast a spell that targets Anax and Cymede & Kynaios and Tiro, draw a card. Each player may put a land card from their hand onto the battlefield, then each opponent who didn't draws a card.

Double Take

Choose another player. You draw two cards. At the beginning of the first upkeep in your next game with that player, you draw two cards.

As long as X is in X's owner's opponent's hand, X's owner may cast X and activate X's abilities. That opponent can't cast X and plays with their hand revealed.
{U}{B}, {T}: Put X into target opponent's hand.
{3}{U}{B}: You may play a land or cast a spell from the hand X is in. If you cast a spell this way, you cast it without paying its mana cost.

Largepox

Each player discards a card, then loses 1 life, then sacrifices an artifact, a creature, an enchantment, a land, a planeswalker, and a tribal permanent, then exiles a card from their graveyard, then puts the top card of their library into their graveyard, then removes a counter from a permanent they control, then gets a poison counter.

Staying Power

"Until end of turn" and "this turn" effects don't end.

Sarah's Wings

Target creature or player gains flying until end of turn. (Players with flying can't be dealt damage by creatures without flying.)

Aether Searcher

Reveal Aether Searcher as you draft it. Reveal the next card you draft and note its name.
When Aether Searcher enters, you may search your hand and/or library for a card with a name noted as you drafted cards named Aether Searcher. You may cast it without paying its mana cost. If you searched your library this way, shuffle.

Selfie Preservation

Search your library for a basic land card and reveal it. If there's a tree in its art, put it onto the battlefield tapped. Otherwise, put it into your hand. Then shuffle.

Ghazbán Ogress

When Ghazbán Ogress enters, if one player has won more Magic games that day than any other player, that player gains control of Ghazbán Ogress.

Whammy Burn

Shuffle your whammy deck, then reveal cards from the top of your whammy deck until you reveal an Island or choose to stop. Then, if no Islands were revealed this way, Whammy Burn deals X damage to any target, where X is the number of cards revealed. (A whammy deck consists of a Plains, Island, Swamp, Mountain, and Forest.)

Mox Poison

{T}: Add one mana of any color. You get two poison counters.

Jetpack Janitor

Alpha strike (This creature has first strike as long as it's blocking or being blocked by a creature that comes after it alphabetically.)

Clocknapper

When Clocknapper enters, choose beginning phase, first main phase, combat phase, postcombat main phase, or ending phase. Steal that phase from target player during their next turn. (That phase occurs as though it's your turn instead.)

How to Keep an Izzet Mage Busy

Return How to Keep an Izzet Mage Busy to its owner's hand.

Corrupted Key

As long as Corrupted Key is tapped, creatures you control have menace and deathtouch.

Temp of the Damned

As Temp of the Damned enters, roll a six-sided die. Temp of the Damned enters with a number of funk counters on it equal to the result.
At the beginning of your upkeep, remove a funk counter from Temp of the Damned. If you can't, sacrifice it.

The Big Top

{T}: Add one mana of any color that appears on your top. (A top is an outerwear garment worn on the upper body.)

Who // What // When // Where // Why

R&D's Secret Lair

Play cards as written. Ignore all errata.
{T}: Add {C}. (This mana is still added to your mana pool.)

Defective Detective

Defective Detective can't be blocked.
When Defective Detective enters, a person outside the game looks at target opponent's hand and chooses a card from it. That player reveals that card.

Monkey Monkey Monkey

As Monkey Monkey Monkey enters, choose a letter.
Monkey Monkey Monkey gets +1/+1 for each nonland permanent whose name begins with the chosen letter.

Paper Tiger

Creatures named Rock Lobster can't attack or block.

Lutri, Pauper Otter

Companion — Your starting deck contains no cards with a silver, gold, orange, or purple expansion symbol. (If this card is your chosen companion, you may put it into your hand from outside the game for {3} as a sorcery.)
When Lutri, Pauper Otter enters the battlefield, discard your hand, then draw three cards.

Whispergear Sneak

Draft Whispergear Sneak face up.
During the draft, you may turn Whispergear Sneak face down. If you do, look at any unopened booster pack in the draft or any booster pack not being looked at by another player.

Wormhole Warp

Exile target creature an opponent controls. That player reveals cards from their sideboard at random until they reveal a nonland card. They may cast that card without paying its mana cost.

Ignacio of Myra's Marvels

As Ignacio of Myra's Marvels enters, choose armor, blood, book, bottle, fang, fire, scroll, spear, sword, or water.
Whenever you cast a spell with the chosen object in its art, create two Treasure tokens.
Partner (You can have two commanders if both have partner.)

Forsaken Crossroads

Forsaken Crossroads enters tapped.
As Forsaken Crossroads enters, choose a color.
When Forsaken Crossroads enters, scry 1. If you weren't the starting player, you may untap Forsaken Crossroads instead.
{T}: Add one mana of the chosen color.

Magic Word

Enchant creature
As Magic Word enters, choose a word.
Whisper the chosen word: Tap enchanted creature.

Double Deal

Choose another player. Double Deal deals 3 damage to that player. At the beginning of the first upkeep in your next game with that player, Double Deal deals 3 damage to the player.

Gorilla Tactics

Create a 2/2 green Gorilla creature token.
When a spell or ability an opponent controls causes you to discard Gorilla Tactics, create two 2/2 green Gorilla creature tokens.

Non-Human Cannonball

When Non-Human Cannonball dies, roll a six-sided die. If the result is 4 or less, Non-Human Cannonball deals that much damage to you.

Fire

Fire deals 2 damage divided as you choose among one or two targets.

Start

Create two 1/1 white Warrior creature tokens with vigilance.

Start // Fire

Rin and Seri, Inseparabler

All Cats you control are Dogs in addition to their other types.
All Dogs you control are Cats in addition to their other types.
Cats and Dogs you control have haste.

Mons's Goblin Waiters

Split Screen

When Split Screen enters, shuffle your library and deal it into four libraries. If anything refers to your library, choose one of your libraries for it.
Play with your libraries' top cards revealed.
When Split Screen leaves the battlefield, shuffle your libraries together.

High Troller

All targeted spells and abilities cost {2} less and have their targets chosen randomly.

Knife and Death

Just a second (As long as this spell is on the stack, players can't move permanents.)
One at a time, throw ten cards you own from outside the game onto the playing area from a distance of at least three feet (about one meter). For each of those cards, Knife and Death deals 1 damage to each creature or planeswalker you don't control that card is touching. You gain life equal to the damage dealt this way.

Killer Cosplay

Whenever Killer Cosplay becomes attached to a creature, choose a creature card name with an identical mana cost. That creature becomes a copy of the card with the chosen name until Killer Cosplay becomes unattached from it.
Equip {3}

Tibalt the Chaotic

+1: Cast a copy of one of the following cards chosen at random—Ignorant Bliss, Crack the Earth, Blazing Volley.
−3: Cast a copy of one of the following cards chosen at random—Seething Song, Dance with Devils, Flamebreak.
−6: Cast a copy of one of the following cards chosen at random—Hellion Eruption, Insurrection, Warp World.