Get Your Head in the Game

Flash
When Get Your Head in the Game enters, exile target nonland permanent until it (this card) leaves the battlefield, then touch it (this card) to your head. When it (this card) stops touching it (your head), sacrifice it (the card, not your head).

Ride Guide

When Ride Guide enters, open an Attraction. (Put the top card of your Attraction deck onto the battlefield.)

AWOL

Exile target attacking creature. Then remove it from the game. Then put it into the absolutely-removed-from-the-freaking-game-forever zone.

Now You See Me . . .

Exile target creature you control, then return it to the battlefield under its owner's control with X +1/+1 counters on it, where X is the number of mirrors on walls you can see from your seat.

Draconian Gate-Bot

When Draconian Gate-Bot enters, choose one —
• Open an Attraction. (Put the top card of your Attraction deck onto the battlefield.)
• Destroy target Attraction. (It's put into its owner's junkyard.)

Rod of Spanking

{2}, {T}: Rod of Spanking deals 1 damage to target player. Then untap Rod of Spanking unless that player says "Thank you, sir. May I have another?"

Rules Lawyer

State-based actions don't apply to you or other permanents you control. (You don't lose the game due to having 0 or less life or drawing from an empty library. Your creatures aren't destroyed due to damage or deathtouch and aren't put into a graveyard due to having 0 or less toughness. Your planeswalkers aren't put into a graveyard if they have 0 loyalty. You don't put a legendary permanent into a graveyard if you control two with the same name. Counters aren't removed from your permanents due to game rules. Permanents you control attached or combined illegally remain on the battlefield. For complete rules and regulations, see rule 704.)

Balloon Stand

Visit — Choose one.
• Create a 1/1 red Balloon creature token with flying.
• Sacrifice a Balloon. If you do, target creature gains flying until end of turn.

Jetpack Janitor

Alpha strike (This creature has first strike as long as it's blocking or being blocked by a creature that comes after it alphabetically.)

The Big Top

{T}: Add one mana of any color that appears on your top. (A top is an outerwear garment worn on the upper body.)

Oddly Uneven

Choose one —
• Destroy each creature with an odd number of words in its name. (Hyphenated words are one word.)
• Destroy each creature with an even number of words in its name.

A Good Day to Pie

Tap up to two target creatures.
Whenever you put a name sticker on a creature, you may return A Good Day to Pie from your graveyard to your hand.

Ticketomaton

When Ticketomaton enters, you get {TK}, then you may put a sticker on a nonland permanent you own.

Pin Collection

When Pin Collection enters, you may put an ability sticker with ticket cost X or less on it without paying that sticker's ticket cost.
Equipped creature gets +1/+1 and has all abilities of ability stickers on Pin Collection.
Equip {2}

Park Map

{1}, Sacrifice Park Map: Search your library for a land card that doesn't have the same art as a permanent you control, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

Starlight Spectacular

Parade! — At the beginning of combat on your turn, choose creatures you control one at a time until each creature you control has been chosen. Each of those creatures gets +1/+1 until end of turn for each creature chosen before it. (Places everyone! The first creature in line gets +0/+0.)

Strength-Testing Hammer

Whenever equipped creature attacks, roll a six-sided die. That creature gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is the result. Then if it has the greatest power or is tied for greatest power among creatures on the battlefield, draw a card.
Equip {3}

Pointy Finger of Doom

{3}, {T}: Spin Pointy Finger of Doom in the middle of the table so that it rotates completely at least once, then destroy the closest permanent the finger points to.

Sword of Dungeons & Dragons

Equipped creature gets +2/+2 and has protection from Rogues and from Clerics.
Whenever equipped creature deals combat damage to a player, create a 4/4 gold Dragon creature token with flying and roll a d20 (a twenty-sided die). If you roll a 20, repeat this process.
Equip {2}

Little Girl

Blue Ribbon

When Blue Ribbon enters, ask a person outside the game which creature you control is most deserving of a blue ribbon. Attach Blue Ribbon to that creature.
Equipped creature has best in show. (Whenever another creature becomes the target of a spell or ability you control, you may copy that spell or ability. If you do, the copy targets this creature.)
Equip {3}

Bar Entry

Choose one —
• Destroy target creature with power 4 or greater.
• Destroy target creature with any part of its head higher than the bar. (Align the tops of both cards to check.)

Katerina of Myra's Marvels

As Katerina of Myra's Marvels enters, choose a letter.
Whenever you cast a spell whose name begins with the chosen letter, create a white 2/2 Cat creature token with flying.
Partner (You can have two commanders if they both have partner.)

Cheap Ass

Wicker Picker

Creature spells you cast have sticker kicker {1}. (You may pay an additional {1} as you cast a creature spell. If you do, you get {TK}, then you may put a sticker on it.)

Amateur Auteur

Sacrifice Amateur Auteur: Destroy target enchantment.

Autograph Book

Autograph Book enters with a page counter on it for each person who has signed it.
{3}, {T}, Remove a page counter from Autograph Book: Draw a card.

Atinlay Igpay

Oubleday ikestray
Enwhay ouyay eakspay ay onnay-igpay-atinlay ordway, acrificesay Atinlay Igpay.

Hat Trick

Target blocking or blocked creature you control gets +1/+1 and gains first strike until end of turn. If it has a hat, it gains double strike until end of turn. If you and that creature each have a hat, the creature gains triple strike until end of turn.

Solaflora, Intergalactic Icon

Auras and Equipment you control attached to Solaflora, Intergalactic Icon affect other creatures you control as though those Auras and Equipment were attached to them.
Counters and stickers on Solaflora affect other creatures you control as though those counters and stickers were on them.

Lobe Lobber

Equipped creature has "{T}: This creature deals 1 damage to target player or planeswalker. Roll a six-sided die. On a 5 or higher, untap it."
Equip {2}

T.A.P.P.E.R.

{T}, Tap an untapped creature you control that has a hat: Tap target creature.

Prismatic Wardrobe

Destroy target nonartifact, nonland permanent that doesn't share a color with clothing worn by its controller.

Form of the Approach of the Second Sun

When this enchantment enters, you gain 7 life. You become a card until you leave your library or that library is shuffled. Put yourself seventh from the top, balancing the cards on top of you on your head.
When you draw yourself, you win the game.
When one or more cards fall off your head, exile them and all cards on your head, then sacrifice this enchantment.

Ticket Turbotubes

{T}: Add one mana of any color.
{3}, {T}: You get {TK} (a ticket counter).

Robo-Piñata

When Robo-Piñata dies, choose one —
• You get {TK}{TK}.
• You may put a sticker on a nonland permanent you own.

Proper Laboratory Attire

Equipped creature gets +2/+1 and has protection from die rolls. (Nothing that lets a player roll a die can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to equipped creature.)
Equip {2}

Park Bleater

Whenever another creature you own enters, you get {TK}.
{W}, {T}: You may put a sticker on a creature you own that entered this turn.

GO TO JAIL

When GO TO JAIL enters, exile target creature an opponent controls until GO TO JAIL leaves the battlefield.
At the beginning of the upkeep of the exiled card's owner, that player rolls two six-sided dice. If they roll doubles, sacrifice GO TO JAIL.

Wordmail

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +1/+1 for each word in its name.

Mad Science Fair Project

{T}: Roll a six-sided die. On a 3 or lower, target player adds {C}. Otherwise, that player adds one mana of any color they choose.

Complaints Clerk

When Complaints Clerk enters, open an Attraction. (Put the top card of your Attraction deck onto the battlefield.)
Whenever you roll a 1, create a 1/1 white Clown Robot artifact creature token.

Fascist Art Director

{W}{W}: Fascist Art Director gains protection from the artist of your choice until end of turn.

City of Ass

City of Ass enters tapped.
{T}: Add one and one-half mana of any one color.

Main Event Horizon

As an additional cost to cast this spell, choose A through M or N through Z.
Destroy each creature whose name begins with a letter in the chosen range.

Aerialephant

Flying
When Aerialephant enters, you get {TK}, then you may put a sticker on a nonland permanent you own.